depression

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My depression has got so bad now that I just don't see any way out. Ive completely lost interest in everything and everyone. I just don't fit in with anyone. When i try to speak, I just get drowned out. Its like I'm not there even when I manage to jump in to a conversation, its like someone just speaks louder and right over me and by the time I get a word in, I've forgotton what I'm gonna say. I just want to end this crap and disappear. I just wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I have no purpose and no inclination to do anything.

I'm really really sorry. I am depressed too so I don't know if I have much to offer. But I wanted you to know that someone read your post and that I empathize with you. Just try to hold on until you can talk to someone. When things get really bad for me I call the Samaritan's hotline, but I'm trying to wait it out until the morning, because I also tend to feel better in daylight.

I know that it is hard not fitting in. We are in the minority so most people will not understand or even know what you are experiencing. But this forum is a testament to the fact that there are others like us out here, even if we don't meet in day-to-day activities.

I have experienced that thing where you cannot make the words fast enough and other people drown you out and then you try to wait for your turn to speak but by then you forgot what you had to say. It's very annoying. But it doesn't happen every time. There are some people who are more patient and interested who actually wait and pay attention and want to hear what I say, and I think there are people like that for you too, even if you haven't found them yet. Please be patient, and if a certain group of people does not have a good communication style for you, then try to find a different group of people. Of course that is not possible when you are dealing with customer service or things like that. But I'm talking about socializing.

In the meantime, if you can distract yourself with funny videos on youtube, or doing math problems, or whatever repetitive activity that you might usually get lost in, it could be a good way to ride out this present wave of sadness. Feelings tend to ebb and flow, which is nice, because terrible moods don't stay terrible. Even if you don't end up feeling happy, feeling not so terrible is better than terrible.

If you want to post more in depth about what you are dealing with right now, I'll be on the forum for another 15 minutes or so. It's after midnight here so I don't want to be up too late or else tomorrow will be as crappy as today was lol.

Wishing you good thoughts. You are a valuable person and if you can get through this, there are positive experiences waiting for you. We all have good moments eventually. I hope you get some of those soon. <3

I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time. If it makes you feel any better, I'm also going through an episode of depression. It's been slowly getting worse since I was laid off from my job 2 months ago.

Thanks for the replies, I know there are plenty of others going through the same or worse. I was just venting off a bit in the hope it would make me feel better. I'm just shutting myself away more and more and finding it harder to interact with people as time goes on. I think its more age also affecting me cos I just don't fit in anymore with younger people and Ive never really fitted in with my own age and older. Hopefully things will get a little better as summer is coming and the hot sunny days always cheer me up.

Funnily enough, it just snowed here on the tops last night, last week was sunny and seemed to be warming up and 2 weeks before that we had a big snow storm that they called the beast from the east. the place was gridlock with whole villages snowed in for days and temps of minus 8C. You just never know what your gonna get in the North of UK. we usually get nothing but rain now through April and early May but nothings to predictable. I just hope we have a nice long hot summer for a change, we haven't had decent summers for a good few years now.