Feeling like an adult

Post Reply New Topic

So... yeah. I've been legally considered an adult for exactly five years and five months. On the first of July, it'll be five five years since I moved away from my parents' house and last Valentine's Day three years of living completely on my own came full. And since I've lived on my own for over three years already, it's obvious that I can handle pretty much all every day tasks like basic cleaning, cooking and taking care of my hygiene on my own. Sure, I have trouble with some rarer but still necessary tasks. For examble, mom and I kept texting each other back and forth when I had to clean the cooker hood (if anyone ever says the English language is boring, tell them that word ), but I did manage to do it on my own without her or anyone else having to come here to help me. It made me rather proud of myself at the time.

However, I still don't really feel like a proper adult.

Of course, there's no objective definition for a "proper adult" but when I think of the term, I can't help but think of the adults who were around me when I was a child and the other adults around me now. This makes me think that a proper adult is someone who works, either full time or a few different part time jobs, has a car and lives on their own. A proper adult has a relationship, perhaps not a steady one yet at my age, but still a relationship unless he/she recently broke up. A proper adult has different friends he/she keeps in touch with and hangs out with them in different groups and places. A proper adult can take care of the basic house hold chores easily on his/her own. She/he might not like them, but doing them is easy for any proper adult. A proper adult might have problems with tasks like fixing a broken dishwasher or maintaining their car, but if he/she does then he/she knows exactly who to contact for help and doesn't get nervous about it. Because he/she is a proper adult after all. A proper adult can also, naturally, handle all his/hers official paper work, like tax papers, on his/hers own. And most of all, a proper adult is treated like an actual adult by other adults!

Of course, now that I really am an adult I realize that filling all those conditions is not that simple, that filling them all is not completely necessary in order to be considered an adult. Even so, I can't help but feel like I'm just a teenager, or even a little girl who doesn't understand the world, from time to time. After all, aside from handling the basic house hold tasks and living on my own, I don't really fit any of those. I mean I feel like I'll reach the friend part soon, but it just might run from my grasp any day now, it has happened before after all.

Then again, there are times I do feel like an adult for a moment, like today when I went shopping. I was looking for three things: a gift for my sister (since I just can't give her chocolate every single time), gift paper (I only had a little left and it'll be used on mom's present) and greaseproof paper (again, thank you google translate!) However, I ended up buying a little bit other stuff too. It started with this mug that I had seen in a magazine before, a moomin mug. Those are more or less collector's items here, there are different kinds and occasionally ones with new pictures come to stores. The one I bought was a pretty one that I'd seen before and wanted, so now I decided that why not. Then came a little tin, the shape and size exactly like the one that I put my coffee in, so I decided to buy a new one because it was so pretty. The color options were red, yellow and blue, and while I normally prefer blue, the theme color in my kitchen corner has ended up being red, so a red one I bought. There was other stuff with the same pattern and I really wanted more, but I had to (and somewhat also managed to) be reasonable; do I need this stuff? There was all kinds of little household items... in the end I ended up taking a set of kitchen towels, naturally also red, since they're necessary. I mean of course I already had kitchen towels at home, but some of those are a little worn out and others will eventually be too, so I might just as well buy new ones and start using them when the other ones are no longer of any use to me. I also wanted this pretty shopping bag that cost only one euro, with that same pattern of course, but I already had a shopping bag with me and wouldn't need to buy one so I didn't pick one up. Then, I went to get greaseproof paper, which luckily was in sale as long as one bought two packs, so two packs it was since it's not like they can go bad. Then came... these little cute special towels one can use to clean sensitive surfaces like mirrors and such, not sure what to call them in English. It was a pack of five and on sale, so I just had to, especially since I only had one of those at home before and it is quite old already. Then, near the cash register, I saw one of those bags again and ended up buying one after all. When I was already in the line, I remembered the gift paper and went to get some, then returned to the line. In the end I used more money than I had expected, but since I managed to stay under the budget last month I'm not worried about all this leading to any kind of financial trouble.
Anyway, all this made me feel a little like a proper, normal adult that others should and could take seriously. You know, shopping for household items isn't like shopping for collectibles or the like, to me it feels more... mature. It's also different from shopping for clothes since I already started that as a preteen. Also, there was stuff I would've wanted, stuff that I could've afforded, yet I didn't buy since I came to the conclusion I wouldn't really need it. As someone who tends to buy little, cheap things that I like yet don't really need from time to time, I feel proud of myself, of my self control. I mean it did slip a little, but it was just one bag, just one euro. A euro that I had saved earlier this week since I got the cotton candy I bought at half price from what I was prepared to pay since they ran out of ingredents before my candy was ready. Not that I would've noticed if they hadn't said it... anyway, there's also my sister's present, which is something I too would like (it's a pretty moomin mug, different than the one I got for myself), but I don't really need it and I need to limit the amount of money I use on stuff that I want but don't really need. So I'm proud of myself for buying something nice that I too would like for someone else. That's a mature thing to do, to have the self control for it, no? Or well, it's still about two weeks until I can give her the present, so I have to keep my control 'till then.

As for why I'm writing this... well, I don't know, I just wanted to. I could've just told about all of this to my mom the next time she asks what I've been up to, but despite not really knowing anyone from here personally, I feel like you people would be able to get what I'm saying better than she could. I feel like she fits the idea of a "proper adult" written above a bit too well to understand these struggles. And I also have a feeling she'd laugh to my face and if she didn't, it'd most likely just be because she managed to maintain a poker face. Even so, I wanted to share this all with at least someone instead of writing about it in my diary, so here we are.

Does anyone else ever feel like this/have similiar experiences? As in does anyone else feel like they aren't the way they should be considering their ages, that they don't feel like they're adults? Does anyone else have those little moments that I do that do make them feel like adults, make them feel normal for their age?

And by the way, despite the way I started this topic, I'm in high spirits right now because of the succesfull shopping trip (even though I just noticed that the sum doesn't add up, that there seems to be two euros missing, but whatever.) I suppose there's a bit of a stereotypical woman in me too since I enjoyed this little shopping trip so much!

Yeah when I was in my 20's especialy my early 20's I still felt like a kid. I didnt take care of myself very well. As time went on and I got an autism diagnosis I did things better and felt more like an adult. There are things I still need help with like grocery shopping, unclogging the toilet and taxes. But since I got my diagnoses I dont mind as much that I cant do these things on my own. I mean I wish I could do them on my own but I dont feel like a little kid, just an adult that needs help.

At my age, I still don't quite feel like an adult...I think I'm starting to get there, though.

The ironic thing, however: people always told me I needed to grow up and get a job, and I didn't want everyone to hate me, so I (finally) got one. Now that I've been working for so many years, all of the OT and stress has really taken a toll on me and my auto-immune disease...so if I'm not working, or preparing for work, or in a ten-hour coma, then I'm most likely sitting on my butt doing absolutely nothing.

This means that I never have time for even the simpleist chores, or to hang out with my friends...so in the end, everyone ends up hating and avoiding me anyway, thinking that I'm terrible and lazy!

Not sure I enjoy being responsible.

I am not fully an adult if that is measured by accomplishment of typical adult milestones. I am chronologically 53, but probably am just in my late 20s if measured by achievement of adult milestones, if you take into account my education. Without that, I'd probably be only in my very early 20s.

You're only as old as the people you feel.. and last night I was 21.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.