Close to submitting to my fate

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I am getting closer to submitting to what I feel like will be my fate and that is that I will continue living an existence where nothing goes the way I want it to go until I finally exit. I won't ever have the girl of my dreams come into my life, I will never write a song as well as draw anything above an amateur level, and I won't ever escape my mother's control freak web. My mental energy just stays at a low level and my mind is permanently set to automatically fail at anything I try. Why was I even born? If I had been born outside the Bible Belt, would things have turned out differently? Why can't the people around me accept me for who I am?

Hey, times of sadness do suck, but time marches on and the sadness will pass eventually.

The girl of you dreams may actually appear one day, just be ready to say something when you both are single, I sure wish I had rather than just marrying someone like her who turned out to be really bad. There are a lot of factors, but just keep waiting and praying and don't give up. You may actually find her someday, strike while the iron's hot though and don't let that rare and awesome person slip away via shyness and self-depreciation. You may find yourself married to her one day and it will be so awesome you two are finally together that it will amaze you. Every relationship will have troubles, but the right person will work them out with you.

Song writing I'm sure is difficult, but just like with writing anything: just sit down and do it. You'll get it done and have something to be proud of.

Yes, you will eventually be free of your mother, you can move so far away from her someday that her controlling nature has no effect. Just make the most of your independence from bills and try not to let jerks steal your peace.

You sound like you're stress and in the shadow functions of your personality, you need to find a way to not be stressed so you can get back to normal. It sucks when family just make it worse, but time marches on and they'll be sorry one day when no one visits them in their old age because they mistreated their children.

There are many ways in which your life can be meaningful. You want to write songs, write them. Sing them, play them, even if just on youtube. Do what makes you happy and helps you feel like you're doing good.

It's difficult to say what life would be like if born in different countries, some are better than others. You can look at greener grass and be sad, or look at warzones and be glad to not be there. It could always be worse, but it's best to think in terms of the good that you still have even if it isn't perfect.

Sorry you're hurting.

Take care.

Ben.

I often read stories about others who struggled in their developmental years and somehow became successful despite all the things they went through. I feel like I was trampled on and I am still lying on the ground, bloody and broken. I hoped things would change for me after school but the pain just continues.

Whenever I go to a social place, I always leave without making new connections. I am almost 30 and this feels pathetic. I sometimes wonder if my brain can't make any new pathways and I am deluding myself that it can.

I'm actually surprised your folks are so strict. You're a guy after all ... At least you don't have to worry about being sold into a sex trade like my parents tell me what will happen to me because I look like a kid -_-

They later admitted to me they were purposely harsh on me to make me "normal". It backfired severely and I've told them both I hate them.

I hope your relationship moves on from there, instead of remaining in stagnant mode.

This is a great opportunity for you to rise, Mark. You created an opening.

I agree with Kraftie.

Marknis, I have seen you have moments of clarity and come to positively creative solutions.

Every now and then I hear you finding a better way to think and feel about a situation.

Because of this I know you can keep working on your view of other people and yourself.

I know you are on the floor, but what do you usually do when you actually physically fall over? Well you pick yourself up and keep going. You have been doing this for many years and will continue to do so. I give you a big pat on the back for this and really hope you can find some kindness for yourself.

my humble advice - try and accept all of this and be ok with it. Thinking about it is not going to enrich your life but just make you more miserable so focus on concrete things that you can do and build from there. e.g. if you want a gf - try and meet more people by joining a club or society related to your hobby. if not a gf you might meet new people n make friends who might then introduce you to other people etc in a snowball effect. in this way, you are increasing your chances of finding love lol

I think my parents did the same or that's at least how they justified it to themselves. If you hate them the best thing you can do is become independent and move away.