Social anxiety

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I have a really hard time trusting people, since Im a bit fragile. Today I hung out with somebody and it was fun. However they said they were interested in a relationship and I wasnt so they dont seem very interested in hanging out now. If I were to be in a relationship it would have to be with the right person. I want someone nice and Im not sure if anyone like that is here in my town. I find neurotypicals can be kind of rough on us. Anyone agree? Maybe its just the town where I live thats got me thinking that.

I think the easiest way to meet someone would be plenty of fish but Im terrified to use it. Im afraid of stalkers and other such creeps. Im actually afraid of most people now. Afraid that they might blow up my autistic world. Like I said I need someone gentle that lives a healthy life. I think they might be hard to find.

I dont know how to give up my fear of people. If I dont Im doomed to live a lonely life. Im just so scared they will be mean to me!

Is anyone else afraid of online dating? I know you will say face your fears its just I dont know how to face my terror of online dating or socializing in general...My town kind of sucks btw.

What do you mean by "plenty of fish?"

You've just had bad luck. I'm sure, in your town, there are gentle men around.

Actually I feel like Im not good enough to date. Like Im to immature. When I say immature I dont mean like a brat I mean 'young' and fragile. Its hard to take care of myself. They say theres someone for everyone but it feels like thats not true for me. Anyone else feel like their not good enough to date? Im kind of a nerd I guess.

I bet lots of guys would like you. You seem pretty nice.

I wish you didn't feel the need to use online dating sites.

Isn't "Plenty of Fish" for "hookups"---meaning that guys don't want relationships, they just want sex?

If I lived in your town, I might go for you.

I had a nice girlfriend once. We watched TV a lot. She let me watch football. We got along great.

You might be right. I thought it was for online dating but they seemed only interested in one thing. I dont know I think it can be used for dating as well.

It may sound counter intuitive first but I've been working on my anxiety loads since the start of the year and one of the things I've found really helpful is getting rejected loads. Sure the reason we develop the anxiety is probably due to rejection or a fear of rejection , it certainly was in my case, but what I needed to teach myself was that it is ok to be rejected. I still have some issues but I've made huge progress in the past 3/4 months.

I started doing this by asking questions that I knew the answer was no for then gradually built up to asking for things in shops (which was a huge issue for me). Then I had a friend who is constantly inviting me to things with his friends and I started saying yes to the odd one and realising that whilst I haven't made any proper friends there yet I've not been rejected by them and that has seemed like a huge victory over the fear of rejection. Then the last thing I've done is to send a letter to an old friend. I have no idea if she'll reply but I'd been getting anxious about being rejected by her for ages and just sending the letter has relieved a large part of that anxiety (although it's still there in part) because I got a little hit of a good feeling for conquering the fear. And that good feeling is the key, everytime you conquer the fear, even if you fail, you should reinforce that you tried. Then when you do succeed with something, it'll feel great.

I also used Plenty of Fish to experience rejection. I think it's more relationship driven than say tinder but obviously there's always people who just want one thing. I found on POF that I got a few replies, had a couple of good chats with people but ultimately didn't feel a great connection with anyone and decided it wasn't really for me but it might be worth a try for you. There are some decent people on there anyway.


Another thing I did was to keep a journal. Whenever I felt really anxious I wrote down, as a letter to my self, why I was anxious, and then whether the anxiety was rational or not (mostly it was not). Then looking at a 'what if?' scenario for the anxiety. I always felt much better after writing and carry my 'feelings book' as I call it with me to most places.

My husband and I met on Plenty of Fish. So, no, it isn't just a hookup site.

I read that the more secluded and isolated you are the more mistrusting of people you are I think this is true. But I also think people tend to be crueller to people who are isolated and weird.