How not to get in fights?

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One of my biggest problems is that I can never seem to resist joining discussions where I know my opinion isn't welcome. I always tell myself "They brought it up, so they can't complain if I voice the other side's opinion" and it always, always turns into a fight. No matter how many times I go through this, I can't stop myself. It feels like if I stay quiet, I'm giving in and admitting that the other side is right, but then the fights stress me out to the point of making me sick, and I always feel like a bad person afterwards. As weird as it sounds, I don't know how to stop. Any suggestions?

I sometimes feel threatened by outspoken people and the urge to correct them is strong. I am learning to give up the need to be right because what I value most is connecting with people.

Okay, but how?

State your opinion without insulting the other person.

Say something like "It could be this way....but it isn't this way for (reason).

Just realize that you're actually not always right.

You said it feels like you are giving in if you stay quiet. You may want to question that. Is it true? Is it possible you are giving in by speaking up? I'm not saying don't ever speak your mind, but when you do from a place of safety rather than out of control feelings the result might be more of what you want.

What you value in life is the motivation for putting in the effort to change which can be very difficult. So if you value harmonious relationships when you feel things wind up tighten up ready to go in for it you stop yourself and take a deep breath.

From time to time try raising your eyebrows a bit along with a small closed mouth smile. This engages the parasympathetic nervous system and will make it easier to get to being ok time.

This is Radically Open Dialectic Behavior Therapy I am learning, I made a post about it recently. For reference this would be self-enquiry and fixed/fatalistic mind with flexibility being the goal.

also, Hi Adam I like music and I can't stop myself posting it.



also no meaning intended I just like the soundofit.
p.s. on second thought it's perfect.

If I'm being completely, embarrassingly, I'm-definitely-going-to-regret-saying-this-laterly honest, then I almost feel like I'm deliberately setting up scenarios where people will say bad things about me in order to validate my low self-esteem.