I am an Aspie and a Twinless Twin...

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My mother was Asperger's back before they had a label for it and went into post-partum depression after I was born and my identical twin died in our delivery (it may have even been worse than that-I don't know for sure.) We never bonded and I had to be taken care of by others as a newborn. My younger sister was the "rainbow child" for my mother, but our father was a narcissist who had religious delusions and so we were raised in a cult. I did not get free from that until I was 34 years old and I had to lose everything and everyone I ever knew to do it. I started over like a newborn again myself. I never had a chance until now, at 56 years old, to deal with losing my identical twin. My mom died 6 years ago and never once even admitted that she lost a baby. My whole life was nothing but lies, neglect and abuse. My narcissist father and younger sister (who turned out even worse than he is) have completely cut me off and tried to erase my existence from the family collective. Literally destroying documentation, photos, momentoes, anything that had any connection to me. Spreading lies and rumors to other family members about me and turning them against me. So many shameful secrets (that did not need to be!) I have had to be a detective to even find myself.
This is especially hard for me now because I just had a birthday, which is also my sister's death day. This year has been very traumatic for me. I don't know what to do with this, the Asperger's, the tineless twin, the bad childhood ... I feel lost.

That is a lot to have to deal with. Talking about it, even if it's just screaming into the void which posting online can sometimes feel like, is a good first step to dealing with any feelings. Just ramble and rant and those feelings will become clearer and when they're clear they're easier to deal with.

I don't know whether you use or are willing to use reddit, but there are a few communities there that could possibly help you, or at least give you the space to vent.

There might be others who have been through what you have on r/raisedbynarcissists and r/atheism

You poor lady. That’s really sad. I’m sorry for your loss. It must be really sad to lose your twin, especially since the bonds twins have is extremely special.

I don’t think I have appropriate experience to help, but I’ll try to send you good energy.

You matter.

My words might not matter, I’m insignificant. But you do.

If your family is turning against you and mean to you, you are better off without them. Stay as far away from them as you can. Get therapy. Join support groups so you dont feel alone. You may make some new friends. The therapy will coach you on how to deal with this and you will be able to get things off your chest.

You are all so kind, thank you.