Every man chats my friend up

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Joe90
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07 Aug 2018, 1:57 pm

My friend (also a colleague) could be doing something minding her own business without making eye contact with anyone, then suddenly come guy will come out from nowhere and start chatting her up.

I don't know how she attracts them like that. She's rather like me (slim, young, doesn't wear much make-up, etc), and it's not like she intends to be chatted up, because she often says to me that it's annoying when guys do that and that she just wants to be left alone.
She suffers with depression and some other mental health issues (but she's not on the spectrum), and she even often has a pissed off or threatening expression on her face.
So it's not like she's giving off a flirtatious look and smiling at every man. She doesn't even want their attention.

She's about as attractive as me: not stunning but not unattractive. What does she have that I don't? I know I've got a boyfriend but it would still be quite flattering to have a guy go out of his way to chat me up. I don't mean being asked on a date, I just mean making more small talk than a stranger's expected standards.

No other girl friends of mine get this kind of treatment. Maybe some people do have a certain aura which has nothing to do with the body language or expressions you give off. This girl could look as cold and angry as humanly possible and still get guys chatting her up.

I mean, what gives?


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Fnord
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07 Aug 2018, 2:48 pm

You're missing something. You cannot be identical twins who dress and behave in exactly the same way all of the time, so there must be some observable difference between the two of you -- one that men might find attractive.



Sahn
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07 Aug 2018, 2:53 pm

It sounds like she gets quite a lot of unwanted attention so maybe some of those guys are a bit dodgy anyway.



naturalplastic
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07 Aug 2018, 3:10 pm

Could be that she is extra attractive, but in some subtle way.

Or it could be that she just gives off an approachable vibe.

A little more pull than you, or a little less push than you.

But either way - its not obvious what that specific factor is.



Joe90
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07 Aug 2018, 3:15 pm

Maybe I'm uglier than her then. :cry:


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kraftiekortie
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07 Aug 2018, 3:35 pm

Perhaps, you're luckier than her?

I'm thinking she might have a bit of a "reputation" amongst the guys----that you don't. Which is a compliment to you, actually. They might think she's "easy"---that she'll "give it up" to them. Whereas you're seen as being more respectable.

What sort of guys "talk her up," anyway?



Joe90
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07 Aug 2018, 3:57 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Perhaps, you're luckier than her?

I'm thinking she might have a bit of a "reputation" amongst the guys----that you don't. Which is a compliment to you, actually. They might think she's "easy"---that she'll "give it up" to them. Whereas you're seen as being more respectable.

What sort of guys "talk her up," anyway?


Maybe she does look "easy" or even a little naive, although I don't think she does. But I suppose men see women in a different light. I'm a straight girl, so I obviously don't sense her "attractive vibe".

Mostly 'workmen' type of guys chat her up, like builders, mechanics, lorry-drivers, etc. The type of men that have chatted me up are the lonely and/or eccentric types (which doesn't happen often).


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kraftiekortie
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07 Aug 2018, 4:03 pm

LOL....just be glad you don't have to tell these guys "no" in a nice way. And that you're not put in bad situations. It's really hard for women when they get in these situations.

I've even been in those sorts of situations myself. Gay men liked me back before I was 21 years old age. Some of them weren't delighted that I "rejected" them. Fortunately, I haven't had a gay man interested me since then.

I believe most of these sorts of guys are decent guys----but you have some who are not. And they might not take "no" for an answer.

Saying this, I can understand why you would be flattered to get attention from men. I would be flattered if I got lots of attention from women. I really don't--because, superficially, I look old, I'm a short man, sort of nerdy. I'm not exactly a "heartthrob."



jimmy m
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07 Aug 2018, 5:05 pm

I would look at how she responds when someone approaches her for a chat. Compare it with how you would respond in the same situation. She may understand the art of conversation better than you. Is she able to drag the conversation on for several minutes, changing subjects along the way. Those are traits that NTs and extroverts have become quite skillful at.


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