Alone
I am so alone, and I guess - the whole thing of Asperger's being " a difficulty with social codes " - maybe that explains me being so alone . I was always on the outside of things, never able quite to grasp them/reach them .
You know, this wasn't what I intended to put this early in this line, but I'll say it - if I died, maybe I'd like my corpse cremated and my ashes dropped/ distributed on some uni campus somewhere - so at least my body could have a touch of on death what I was denied in life . I have the option of being buried in the other 1/4 of the memorial my parents and brother are interred in in Westchester, but who's get me there, anyway? Who'd e by the graveside to care? My sh***y cousins who stole my percentage of my inheritance from my mother? Actually, I am inclined to leave the bit of money. I have to another person, who is not on the East Coast - and it would be a spite/spitting in the face/" so there!! ! " to my sh***y cousins. However, the fact that my father never rectified his cutting me off from talking about the rape, as he did once, saying that he call a Crisis Intervention Team and have me committed if I forced him to talk about it - Well ( And I was closer to him than my mother - I never even tried to talk to my mother about it.), maybe there's a certain " spit in your face " thought there - Though I don't hate him .
I have recently thought about what the effect on my self may have been from all these years of being homeless. The answer is perhaps not good .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
You know, this wasn't what I intended to put this early in this line, but I'll say it - if I died, maybe I'd like my corpse cremated and my ashes dropped/ distributed on some uni campus somewhere - so at least my body could have a touch of on death what I was denied in life . I have the option of being buried in the other 1/4 of the memorial my parents and brother are interred in in Westchester, but who's get me there, anyway? Who'd e by the graveside to care? My sh***y cousins who stole my percentage of my inheritance from my mother? Actually, I am inclined to leave the bit of money. I have to another person, who is not on the East Coast - and it would be a spite/spitting in the face/" so there!! ! " to my sh***y cousins. However, the fact that my father never rectified his cutting me off from talking about the rape, as he did once, saying that he call a Crisis Intervention Team and have me committed if I forced him to talk about it - Well ( And I was closer to him than my mother - I never even tried to talk to my mother about it.), maybe there's a certain " spit in your face " thought there - Though I don't hate him .
I have recently thought about what the effect on my self may have been from all these years of being homeless. The answer is perhaps not good .
In the UK, there is a provision for the disabled to put any inheritance money in a trust so that people you don't trust can't get their hands on it.
...Briefly, I think the money I was speaking of getting to a WP friend upon my death is safe from the sh***y cousins - I hope. I don't think they could get get it from me now and - well, I have a crude, handwritten, will in my pocket specifying it, even playing within what I know are the legal rules by not going on and on about what the cousins did to me, just saying they receive nothing " for reasons well known to them " Oh, and I list an earlier draft, too .
I do, ironically, have some money now. First of all, it was from my brother dying . It is lucky the money came along, or else I'd really be up s**t Creek, as crippled as I am now . Also, some probable other money, though one-shot, has 'manifested itself. It is actually true that this weird p as term of some windfall of money showing up - Let's, poetically, say averaging every five years? - has shown up, lifting my material circumstances)amount of stuff for a while. Perhaps it will be said that I " should have " somehow " set myself up " - but in least in my defense, I might argue that I was emotionally adrift, and,.in the 2010s, dealing with the steady progress of the diabetes stuff that led to much of my toes going bye-bye and the heart attack, etc., that e eventually left me crippled , the CHF - whatever the whole effect of the 2013-2015 jail time may have been (I wasn't in jail continuously then, I was sort of in and out - primarily, by far, out.) - During the 2010s the slow progress of the diabetes infections was rather an everything-revolving-around-it angle. I really needed good medical care - which I didn't quite get, at least to the extent of saving the toes - and the windfall bit of cash was not enough to get the full medical care I needed, I would argue. The WP-er I was speaking of leaving my $ to before dealt with me from a distance, I went up to his area and we were supposed to meet when I went up there on the last of my money fr op m one of those windfalls but things got weird and we never did meet .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
...I was in the hospital for a week -plus yet again, from my CHF water weight...I was to 330 pounds or so. I left yesterday.
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
I do, ironically, have some money now. First of all, it was from my brother dying . It is lucky the money came along, or else I'd really be up s**t Creek, as crippled as I am now . Also, some probable other money, though one-shot, has 'manifested itself. It is actually true that this weird p as term of some windfall of money showing up - Let's, poetically, say averaging every five years? - has shown up, lifting my material circumstances)amount of stuff for a while. Perhaps it will be said that I " should have " somehow " set myself up " - but in least in my defense, I might argue that I was emotionally adrift, and,.in the 2010s, dealing with the steady progress of the diabetes stuff that led to much of my toes going bye-bye and the heart attack, etc., that e eventually left me crippled , the CHF - whatever the whole effect of the 2013-2015 jail time may have been (I wasn't in jail continuously then, I was sort of in and out - primarily, by far, out.) - During the 2010s the slow progress of the diabetes infections was rather an everything-revolving-around-it angle. I really needed good medical care - which I didn't quite get, at least to the extent of saving the toes - and the windfall bit of cash was not enough to get the full medical care I needed, I would argue. The WP-er I was speaking of leaving my $ to before dealt with me from a distance, I went up to his area and we were supposed to meet when I went up there on the last of my money fr op m one of those windfalls but things got weird and we never did meet .
You do have to file taxes on any money you inherited. Be sure you do so.
...Well, heh, if I don't and I get caught, maybe I can do some Club Fed . Meet some other Episcopalans in bondage- Have a big-time banker or Internet dude as my cellie!
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
Why would you want to give a stranger your money?!
...He is a friend, and did help me - and it would keep the money out of the hands of MY sh***y COUSINS ! If I find someone else, I could change, and give all or part to that.new one, too .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!