16 Aug 2018, 3:39 pm
I am so alone, and I guess - the whole thing of Asperger's being " a difficulty with social codes " - maybe that explains me being so alone 
. I was always on the outside of things, never able quite to grasp them/reach them 
.
You know, this wasn't what I intended to put this early in this line, but I'll say it - if I died, maybe I'd like my corpse cremated and my ashes dropped/ distributed on some uni campus somewhere - so at least my body could have a touch of on death what I was denied in life . I have the option of being buried in the other 1/4 of the memorial my parents and brother are interred in in Westchester, but who's get me there, anyway? Who'd e by the graveside to care? My sh***y cousins who stole my percentage of my inheritance from my mother? Actually, I am inclined to leave the bit of money. I have to another person, who is not on the East Coast - and it would be a spite/spitting in the face/" so there!! ! " to my sh***y cousins. However, the fact that my father never rectified his cutting me off from talking about the rape, as he did once, saying that he call a Crisis Intervention Team and have me committed if I forced him to talk about it - Well ( And I was closer to him than my mother - I never even tried to talk to my mother about it.), maybe there's a certain " spit in your face " thought there - Though I don't hate him .
I have recently thought about what the effect on my self may have been from all these years of being homeless. The answer is perhaps not good .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
16 Aug 2018, 3:43 pm
. I was always on the outside of things, never able quite to grasp them/reach them .You know, this wasn't what I intended to put this early in this line, but I'll say it - if I died, maybe I'd like my corpse cremated and my ashes dropped/ distributed on some uni campus somewhere - so at least my body could have a touch of on death what I was denied in life
. I have the option of being buried in the other 1/4 of the memorial my parents and brother are interred in in Westchester, but who's get me there, anyway? Who'd e by the graveside to care? My sh***y cousins who stole my percentage of my inheritance from my mother? Actually, I am inclined to leave the bit of money. I have to another person, who is not on the East Coast - and it would be a spite/spitting in the face/" so there!! ! " to my sh***y cousins. However, the fact that my father never rectified his cutting me off from talking about the rape, as he did once, saying that he call a Crisis Intervention Team and have me committed if I forced him to talk about it - Well ( And I was closer to him than my mother - I never even tried to talk to my mother about it.), maybe there's a certain " spit in your face " thought there - Though I don't hate him .I have recently thought about what the effect on my self may have been from all these years of being homeless. The answer is perhaps not good
.In the UK, there is a provision for the disabled to put any inheritance money in a trust so that people you don't trust can't get their hands on it.
16 Aug 2018, 3:52 pm
16 Aug 2018, 4:26 pm
...Briefly, I think the money I was speaking of getting to a WP friend upon my death is safe from the sh***y cousins - I hope. I don't think they could get get it from me now and - well, I have a crude, handwritten, will in my pocket specifying it, even playing within what I know are the legal rules by not going on and on about what the cousins did to me, just saying they receive nothing " for reasons well known to them " 
Oh, and I list an earlier draft, too .
I do, ironically, have some money now. First of all, it was from my brother dying . It is lucky the money came along, or else I'd really be up s**t Creek, as crippled as I am now . Also, some probable other money, though one-shot, has 'manifested itself. It is actually true that this weird p as term of some windfall of money showing up - Let's, poetically, say averaging every five years? 
- has shown up, lifting my material circumstances)amount of stuff for a while. Perhaps it will be said that I " should have " somehow " set myself up " - but in least in my defense, I might argue that I was emotionally adrift, and,.in the 2010s, dealing with the steady progress of the diabetes stuff that led to much of my toes going bye-bye and the heart attack, etc., that e eventually left me crippled , the CHF - whatever the whole effect of the 2013-2015 jail time may have been (I wasn't in jail continuously then, I was sort of in and out - primarily, by far, out.) - During the 2010s the slow progress of the diabetes infections was rather an everything-revolving-around-it angle. I really needed good medical care - which I didn't quite get, at least to the extent of saving the toes - and the windfall bit of cash was not enough to get the full medical care I needed, I would argue. The WP-er I was speaking of leaving my $ to before dealt with me from a distance, I went up to his area and we were supposed to meet when I went up there on the last of my money fr op m one of those windfalls but things got weird and we never did meet .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
17 Aug 2018, 5:24 pm
...I was in the hospital for a week -plus yet again, from my CHF water weight...I was to 330 pounds or so. I left yesterday.
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
18 Aug 2018, 5:15 pm
Oh, and I list an earlier draft, too .I do, ironically, have some money now. First of all, it was from my brother dying
. It is lucky the money came along, or else I'd really be up s**t Creek, as crippled as I am now . Also, some probable other money, though one-shot, has 'manifested itself. It is actually true that this weird p as term of some windfall of money showing up - Let's, poetically, say averaging every five years? - has shown up, lifting my material circumstances)amount of stuff for a while. Perhaps it will be said that I " should have " somehow " set myself up " - but in least in my defense, I might argue that I was emotionally adrift, and,.in the 2010s, dealing with the steady progress of the diabetes stuff that led to much of my toes going bye-bye and the heart attack, etc., that e eventually left me crippled , the CHF - whatever the whole effect of the 2013-2015 jail time may have been (I wasn't in jail continuously then, I was sort of in and out - primarily, by far, out.) - During the 2010s the slow progress of the diabetes infections was rather an everything-revolving-around-it angle. I really needed good medical care - which I didn't quite get, at least to the extent of saving the toes - and the windfall bit of cash was not enough to get the full medical care I needed, I would argue. The WP-er I was speaking of leaving my $ to before dealt with me from a distance, I went up to his area and we were supposed to meet when I went up there on the last of my money fr op m one of those windfalls but things got weird and we never did meet .You do have to file taxes on any money you inherited. Be sure you do so.
19 Aug 2018, 4:12 am
...Well, heh, if I don't and I get caught, maybe I can do some Club Fed 
. Meet some other Episcopalans in bondage- Have a big-time banker or Internet dude as my cellie! 
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
19 Aug 2018, 4:20 am
.Why would you want to give a stranger your money?!
19 Aug 2018, 9:29 am
...He is a friend, and did help me - and it would keep the money out of the hands of MY sh***y COUSINS 
! If I find someone else, I could change, and give all or part to that.new one, too .
_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
19 Aug 2018, 11:18 am
