I thought they were my friends - Being ghosted

Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,158

18 Sep 2018, 3:05 pm

Hi:
I had recently left my last synagogue and I am currently visiting other locations because the one that I attended was not a very inclusive-friendly environment where I had to jump through their hoops just to be accepted. Meanwhile, I was excluded by 95% of the people there and get treated like a 2nd class citizen.

For the last 2 years, I was friends with a family there who I shared things in common with and even went over to their house on several occasions. The husband is on the spectrum and the wife has ADD. As this relationship progressed, I discovered two things.
1. The husband would get mad all the time at the littlest things and yell at his wife and stepdaughter and occasionally me. He gets mad at anyone who doesn't meet his idealistic views
2. Whenever someone bothered me I would turn to them for support only to be told that I seem to "Get offended easily."


After I left the synagogue, they had me over for dinner at the beginning of the summer which went well at first until her husband discovered some things about me and just seemed to be on the edge the rest of the night. In fact, when he was putting the kids to bed, his wife and I were having a nice time in the kitchen laughing. He shouted at us to "LEAVE!" at the top of his lungs by claiming we were making too much noise.

Meanwhile, his wife has not been texting me as she used to and I had texted her a few times only to have her ignore me. When I did get her, she was very short with me but polite while saying how "Busy" she and her husband are and not really sharing much. She didn't even wish me happy Rosh Hashanah last week.

So I quietly removed them from my contacts because it's obvious they are not interested. I am sad about it but I am numb because I have faced so many rejections from people who only want to associate for a short time. Then they just disappear.



cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

18 Sep 2018, 6:26 pm

If some guy just snapped at you in the middle of another conversation I think it's safe to presume his problems outweigh anything you were judged over.


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


Sarahsmith
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,926
Location: Canada

18 Sep 2018, 6:33 pm

Yeah I have the same problem with people. Ive got no friends. Someone who did want to be friends ended up moving far away, leaving me all alone. Look at it this way, if you have no friends at least you dont have to deal with the negative side of people. In otherwords no BS. So maybe its time to get used to your own company.

Somewhere online I remember reading a guy from Europe saying lonelyness must be an American thing. He said its normal over there for people to not care if their in a relationship. Maybe we just need a different mindset.

Yeah I dont know if thats true because lots of people from the UK come here complaining about being lonely. Maybe its in other European countries that they dont care.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,158

19 Sep 2018, 8:25 pm

I am sad because the wife and I have a lot in common and we were just getting to know each other as well. She used to text me all the time but since I had been at their house the last time, she has stopped texting me less and less. There were a few times where I reached out and she ignored me. When she did respond, her replied were short and she didn't tell me much.

I thought her husband was cool at first because we have some things in common too but he had a mean streak in him along with being extremely controlling and a bit of a religious attitude. He often picked on my about 'Being offended' and told me I needed to read this one book. Yet, he gets offended all the time with his wife and his step daughter everytime one turns around.