endless misery

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what could I possibly post here that would be of any use to anyone?

There is nothing to do in life except wait to see if an opportunity that is worth pursuing will arise before the day when I must leave this place or end my life. there is no one to connect with, there is nothing worthwhile to do in wait.......

there is only insanity and trying not to destroy everything around me out of rage at the insufficiency of the universe.

Why wait for opportunity?
Couldn't you actively seek it?
I don't know your situation obviously, but there are so many things to do in this world, so many people to connect with, if you choose to seek out opportunities.

just one positive and healthy social connection may lift you from that bleak viewpoint.

I was in it and a few days ago I made a ‘friend’ (in apostrophe because NTs might scoff at me for calling him that though he said so himself) inadvertently. Since then I am more upbeat and positive. Meds help with anxiety and such but to break out of the rut maybe connection (concrete in the real world) is necessary too.

I hope there are social groups meet ups or Something u are able to access. Even begging a relative to drop by because you feel down.

My post may be useless to your circumstances, but just in case I’m sharing

the only opportunity worth taking advantage of in my opinion would be one that changes my lifestyle so that I am less reliant on industrial civilization for survival OR one that results in another person having more capacity to remove their own reliance on industrial civilization.

there is no life worth living if your survival is founded on biological degeneration and diversity loss, in my opinion.

I have no desire to feel satisfaction while I am in this context and I refuse to work with what is available since it does not even meet a baseline of vitality. this reality is a cruel joke and anyone who doesn't see that is improperly oriented and will most likely do not much more than contribute to the destruction of our species and the Earth's biosphere in general.

Oh, yes. Maybe Camus' myth of sysiphos can lift you up. Find a rock. Make it your rock.

I think that must be how others do things like have children....

I no longer have motivation to read or learn.
this place and its inhabitants are all sick and I wish to learn nothing more in this environment. I have learned enough to know that before anything else can be learned properly, it is necessary to have a lifestyle that is worth living. this is not a difficult question to answer, it can clearly be stated that right now my existence does more harm than good to myself and to the rest of the earth's biosphere. if I do not change this to become AT LEAST neutral very soon I'm definitely not going to stick around anymore.
the only way I'm willing to continue to exist is living out of the back of late 90s toyota pickup with a bed cap while WWOOFing and transitioning to a feral lifestyle as quickly as possible.

look universe, I can be arbitrary and unwavering for no f*****g reason too! see! oh wait that's just you doing the same thing because you do everything that I think I do ahahahahaha weeeeeee WOOHOOOOOOOOO YES f*****g EXISTENCE BURIED BY THE STUPIDITY OF GENERATIONS!! !

forgot to mention that I'm only willing to buy one if it is rust free and I can get it for $4000 or less

inb4 some implied accusation of a search for perfection

even most of the smartest moderns think 'perfection' is something like sustainability...
this is ridiculous. a human habitat that is just sustainable is the worst acceptable type of human habitat. this should be the cutoff line for what we allow to happen, but we are SO far below this... so I'm not talking about perfection, I'm just talking about a baseline of reason and awareness but almost everyone will settled for crap.

what is the point of your screed? what are you looking for here?

nothing. I'm just wasting everyone's time as always.

I used to think like this. I did some research on spirituality and it changed my opinion on humaity. I know the earth is sick and most people dont care. But some people do care. Only worry about the ones that matter.

caring isn't even close to enough.. I don't know what you mean by spirituality but my research into 'spirituality' has mostly just helped articulate my values.

I just think it's stupid that humanity has the potential to be amazing but instead we're being idiotic. and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. life in this reality is definitely not worth living just for the sake of living, in my opinion.

i relate to what you say. it's hard to escape it when you've been socialised in a specific environment. reminds me a bit of what Adam Lanza said about Travis (not comparing you to him btw, just his case stayed in my head a long time).

reality is a cruel joke. it is possible to minimise one's impact tho. perhaps, living life as a monk is impossible in our modern society but you can still find ways, i'm sure. good luck. don't despair too much, if you can help it.


also - i see humans as kind of a virus and still i seem to love humanity. im conflicted. i pour these feelings in my art. having an output is very important. a love of enquiry and wanting to see what happens also keep me sane. a love for life, despite the cruelty and a desire to see it flourish in a kinder way.

I mean I have a love for life, but this place is not about life.

I don't agree with this entirely but I think it could be helpful in acknowledging where we're at..
https://quillette.com/2018/07/10/does-progress-exist/

I think progress can exist once people come to a new understanding of what it means to behave as a human (i.e. the driven by humans instead of evolution thing), which is one of the reasons that it's so important to me to address the illusion of free will (which is really like an oxymoron)

There is no absolute free will; but there is relative free will.

I'm not sure what you're suggesting, it sounds likely that you're trying to describe something different than the conventional usage of the term free will, which would be confusing. Freewill is an oxymoron because will requires context. people have DISTINCT wills, but there is no such thing as freedom. freedom is one of the big illusions imagined by domestic culture that perpetuates the disease of civilization. as are empathy, intention, and truth..