Taking responsibility?

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People keep telling me I need to take responsibility for my life whenever I mention feeling depressed about my life situation. Are they saying it's my fault I was bullied and considered "weird" by the people around me? How is that going to help me feel better about myself? I didn't choose to have Aspergers.

No, they are not saying that.

They are saying that you're an adult, and that you can't let other people determine what you want to do with your life.

I've actually had someone tell me the ones who bullied me were just "toughening" me up. Really? Calling me "gay", punching me, grabbing my crotch, and dry humping me was making me tough?

no, it is hurting. in many different levels. believe me, i had it for most of my school time. only that i am female... it might give u a shell that crusts over u. one of many u obtain. but internally, u bleed, and u bleed on. it doesnt make u stronger, no. more privvy to how sh***y the world can be, maybe. more capable to ACT tough, definetely. but inside, it will still hurt. and leave scars. im trying to do something with mine, currently. yes, u read right, a 30 years old woman is trying to deal with 15 year-since scars. i had thought i am through, out and over. i had archived it. didnt work in the end. i cant tell u what to do. i fought. i won fights. but i was only free from this nightmare on graduation day. i have many other traumas that cover those scars over. but they are base. i dont know how to get through it and keep ur own sense of self. i didnt. sorry if i talk too much about myself in this.

I was bullied by a bad handsy classmate in fifth grade in Ukraine. I wish I fought back, but I could not, it was easier to just take it and not escalate. I was an outcast due to being dumber and less social. I would think about fighting back, but could not decide to do so or have the hand-eye coordination. So now I am stuck feeling bad that I cannot fight for myself 20 years later!

No.

They are telling you to "own" your life and stop blaming others for the way it has turned out.

Sure, nobody asks for Asperger's. But blaming it for your choice to abdicate responsibility for your situation -- and for every choice you've made thereafter -- is just plain wrong.

Remember, choosing to do nothing is a choice in itself.

But how do you do it m, if you do t feel like a full person and don’t want to do things for yourself (only interested in getting other people to be friends with you).

I am not blaming having Asperger's for anything. I was born into a culture that makes automatic demands out of everyone and I had no idea I was supposed to fit a certain mold.

NO, its regardless of that you have to take responsibility. I got bullied and considered weird by the people around me and it sucked...but I still have to be responsible for my life. Like yeah all that happened and it sucked, but no way am I going to spend the rest of my life dwelling on that...because you know what f*ck all those people who bullied me. At least I am not a single mother who had kids with some guy who didn't want to be a dad...like according to my facebook is what has become of some of the girls who bullied me.

but man I only have so much longer left so no way will I spend it concerning myself with a**holes from highschool. I don't have to go to school anymore I am almost 30 so bla...why should I care if I didn't go to prom or get the great high-school friendship experience.? Why should you care? its the past let it stay there. I mean you don't have to go to high-school anymore, so don't worry about those people.

Having Asperger is not your fault nor you chose it but what you make out of your circumstances, how you respond to obstacles are YOUR responsibility whether you like it or not.
You are responsible to make choices for example blaming everything or feeling sorry for yourself(nothing wrong with it but again it is your choice) or chosing to make changes.
Your responsibility to make choices in life.
Your responsility is to stand up and keep going no matter how many times they knock you down.

And sorry to say this but if you are not able to take responsibility for your life maybe it's for the best to live at home and not having a girlfriend. She would become your carer not your partner.

Example:
You are driving a car without the seatbelt on. Somebody crashes into your car and you fly through the windowscreen.
It is not your fault, you didn't choose it but flying through the windowscreen is still your responsibility as you made a decision not to use the seatbelt.

Similar example
Woman dressed in mini skirt and heels. She's got every right to dress however she wants but walking through a rough neighborhood and being harrased is her responsibility.
Mini skirt for her does not mean "asking for it" but not acknowledging that some men might think differently is entirely her responsibility.

Well, okay this is only my opinion, feel free to disagree.

and some men think, that a certain skin color and language spoken means invitation. no matter what she says, or what she wears. so should she learn a different language and paint her skin just to be safer? a crime is a crime. blaming a victim, is a crime of its own. there is no gray zone for this. (and i am somewhat a spokesperson for gray zones, comprimizes and understanding differences here, if anybody had been reading). ya, one can learn to deal with that s**t. one can build a life on top of this. but untill somebody, anybody, especially one of us, blames a victim, who in the outer society will give a flying frag? okay, we are a minority, and the world is catering to majority. okay, we have to deal with it, adaptation, compensation. but it doesnt mean anybody has a right to mutilate us for fun. laws and rules are meant to sort things like that out. sometimes they fail. doesnt make it right. this thread is NOT about a person making choices. it is about blaming the person for being harassed. calling them responsible for actions of petty criminals against their dignity and property. not having a resolve or resourse to fight for themselves cannot be blamed on! this is what society is for, to protect it's weaker members. call me a naive idiot, i can live with another label.

sorry for language, i got triggered.

I simply stopped worrying about what my parents and other relatives expected of me (which was not much), and set my own goals and standards. I also stopped living as if any one incident from the past was still happening to me right now. It also helped that I had moved out of my parents' house one week after graduating high school to prove to them and all of my other detractors that they were all wrong about me.

My life is my own, and if my relatives don't like it that way, then it's just too damned bad for them.

well thats what is done. what everybody does sooner or later. point is about "dont let it get to u", "be strong", "shake it off", "get up and get going". been there, done that. now i am dealing with massive, multyfactored ptsd. because i had got up and got going, habitually ignoring everything exept physical health problems. and ignoring that too, as long as i could get up. because i was made to believe, that my feelings dont matter. that all i should do is, stuff them and get going. and having just seen the other end of darkness, i am trying to ward others from entering it. one needs to know, that what is done to them, is not right. do not let ur feelings be devalued. decades of supressed aggravation wreaking havoc in ur mind when pressure finally subdues the defences. this is what u gonna get, if u go that way. ever heard of people made of metal, breaking the worst of all? dont be made of metal. letting oneself be weak is just another sort of strength. u dont do that as a yong and full of energy, u might lose energy at a more advanced age. when u are dependable. when u dont have a right to fall. give urself a slack. even if it feels like defeat. think of it as tactical retreat. dont burn bridges that didnt fall on their own. this is written by somebody, who lives in a flashback more often than not. maybe i am not seing straight right now. maybe u meant a different thing. then i am sorry. but give it a thought.

Same here. I just got a job and moved far far away from home.

Sometimes, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to break all ties with the past and take charge of your life.