I think my Mom might be getting back with her exhusband

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I know she's talking to him again because I saw her text messages. She always does this when she gets together with him.

I'm just so upset because I really hate this scumbag. He's a crackhead, a lying theif, and he's abusive and cheats in her. I mean what the hell? Why can't she raise her standards?

I hate him so much that I wish she would have let him die when she had the chance instead of rescuing him and taking him to doctor to do kidney surgery. That's what I would have done.

Seriously, I wish he would die so that he will be gone from our lives forever. I hate him that much!

My brother said he and his girlfriend might let me come stay with them when she does get back together with him because he understands how much I really hate the guy but he said it needs to wait until I get my Bipolar medications figured out.

I'm just really worried that him coming back into our lives AGAIN is really going to cause me to snap. It might end up being worse than all those other times I snapped.

Well, it's good that you have some options if the worst does happen.
Not good for your mum though.
I've observed similar situations with people taking back abusive partners.
Their self esteem is often so worn down by the relationship they truly believe they don't deserve better, and fear no one else will have them.

It's nice that my brother understands how I feel and said they might let me come stay with them after my bipolar medication gets figured out but the thing that really worries me is that I will probably be unstable while adjusting my medication and there's no telling what I will do the first time things get bad when they get back together.

The last time I went to the Crisis Center I picked up a kitchen knife and wanted to stab him. I don't think they even realized that's what I intended to do because everyone thought I was trying to stab myself but it was actually him I wanted to hurt.

I'm not so sure my brother will actually be any help at all now.