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I've been struggling with severe depression lately. Gone through 20 different psych meds + several therapists for depression and anxiety over the past few years, nothing seems to work. I don't have any friends anymore, and the emotional stress of loneliness is taking its toll. Nobody seems to understand or care about the struggles autistic individuals face. Really need someone to talk to. PM me if you feel like it, and vice versa. I like talking to people and listening to them, so don't be shy. You can also email me at crustyyak@gmail.com.

my allistic family members keep demanding (yes, demanding) answers and then discarding them when i manage to give them. then blaming me for bad communication. then saying how they love me and want to connect with me, and how i dont do that. flush, repeat. ah, and i forgot the part where they say they prefectly understand me, AND another, where every negative reaction i produce is written off on depression. turning it inside out swapping the cause and the result.

had i just described what u feel on a daily basis? nobody is a strong word, m? maybe someday, someway, somewhere some allistic people manage to bring up a happy autistic child. so far, around here, i had not seen happy. acceptive of fate, yes. happy, no. maybe i didnt see them. maybe they dont come here. maybe they exist somewhere. i hope they do.

a day i got thru without a meltdown is counted as a good one. does that relate? best thing my family can do for me is leave me alone. does that relate? i feel physical pain all the time, and emotional pain most of the time, if i am not numb with it. does that relate? how to live with it? im still looking for an answer. sometimes i think i found it. then it escapes. gotta keep looking.

Strong, but entirely accurate. No exaggeration when I say I have nobody to speak to. They've all left. I almost wish I still had family members to verbally abuse me, but they see nothing in me apparently, and so have dumped me on the street years ago. The people I met on the street, the ones I thought were my friends, took advantage of me at every chance they got. The individuals I knew who literally have immediate family members with varying levels of autism don't see me as worth their time. It's less that they don't understand the condition, but more so that it's my own character to blame. Evidently I'm devoid of redeeming qualities, regardless of how hard I try to be 'normal'. It's never enough for them.
The only time I feel genuine peace of mind is when I think about the fact that it'll all be over one day.