When no one can make you happy and vice versa

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Mapofsteel
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24 Oct 2018, 7:14 pm

What does anyone do and how do they cope when they just feel that they can’t make anyone happy and likewise, no one can make them happy? Does anyone else ever actually feel this way?



BeaArthur
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24 Oct 2018, 8:37 pm

No one can make another person be happy. That's the central fallacy in your thinking.

Happiness must come from within, and often, it's a conscious choice: "Yes, there is much evil and ugliness in the world, but I'm going to focus on the beautiful and be happy with that."

At most, another person can influence you to be happy, but they cannot make you be happy. No more can you do that for someone else. So relax and stop worrying about it.


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Magna
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24 Oct 2018, 9:48 pm

Great advice, Bea. When my sister and I would be arguing and crabbing up a storm as kids, my Dad would declare: "I choose to be happy!"

Mapofsteel, are you around someone who you feel expects YOU to make THEM happy?



Fnord
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25 Oct 2018, 8:32 am

Mapofsteel wrote:
Does anyone else ever actually feel this way?
Always.
Mapofsteel wrote:
What does anyone do and how do they cope when they just feel that they can’t make anyone happy and likewise, no one can make them happy?
Accept it as a fact of life. No one can make you happy because happiness comes from within. Once I accepted it, my life got a whole lot better -- I stopped looking to others for happiness and started being happy all on my own. The only drawback is that a lot of unhappy people expected me to make them happy, too.

Just as the world was not put here to make you happy, you were not put here to make anyone else happy, either.



Piobaire
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25 Oct 2018, 8:40 am

No one can make you happy.
The only happiness you will find on a mountaintop it that which you brought up there with you.



Prometheus18
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27 Oct 2018, 8:01 am

I don't feel, and never have felt, that I can find happiness in other people - on the contrary. I try to find my happiness in THINGS, instead - and dogs, of course.



Mapofsteel
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31 Oct 2018, 6:35 pm

Magna wrote:
Great advice, Bea. When my sister and I would be arguing and crabbing up a storm as kids, my Dad would declare: "I choose to be happy!"

Mapofsteel, are you around someone who you feel expects YOU to make THEM happy?

My mom has tried to make me happy in the past, but when she did so she sounded angry, which just made no sense at all. What is more, she tried to get me to do things that were outside of my interests, which made me feel like I just had to enjoy being everyone else’s slave, helping them do whatever they enjoyed, while never being worthy of, or allowed to, have any interests, pleasures, or pursuits of my own.



BTDT
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31 Oct 2018, 8:49 pm

I often feel happy helping someone else out. Especially when I'm the only one that can, and the other person is just as generous to others. Some people call this the concept of "paying forward," as opposed to "paying back."



Mapofsteel
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31 Oct 2018, 9:33 pm

BTDT wrote:
I often feel happy helping someone else out. Especially when I'm the only one that can, and the other person is just as generous to others. Some people call this the concept of "paying forward," as opposed to "paying back."

And what if they just take all they can and never give? This happens too, you know.



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01 Nov 2018, 1:21 am

Sure it does. I remember offering to help and they rejected what I offered, as they wanted more. So they got nothing. 8O