Why can't I close and just accomplish things?

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I don't know what to do. I've spent the last eight months online dating, going to a Meetup group (where one woman my age range showed up never to meet again but good acquaintances otherwise), working on election campaigns, and talking to the same co-workers who never invite me to drinks after work (i.e. all of them). It might sound below like the hard work's paying off, but I just feel like I can't capitalize and feel confident at all.

I broke down and finally opened up last Thursday about my disability, my anxiety about turning 30 with no close friendship, relationship, or anything else but a bachelor's degree and a part-time job to call my own in my mother's rented house. The reactions were very friendly among the 10% of people on my friend list who did, even some suggestions to "talk to them more," and I finally got invited to a get-together at the house of a friend from the local DemSocialist group this past Saturday, all 30-something professors cooler than me pretty much save for college students who think I'm weird.

On Saturday 11-3-2018, I went to a rally for the Dem governor candidate in my state, actually has a good chance BTW, and my friend from both the party and the DS group finally answered FB message from a week before discussing canvassing together, implying today but she never showed up at the packet house today so I just went home to sulk and complain to my mother (it was pouring outside anyway). I should have known since she kind of avoided me (I chatted to a bunch of other people and all) at the rally after discussing the canvassing, just talking with her friends (she's married to the county attorney candidate, so I don't see her as a romantic prospect. I actually had a decent time for a half hour at the house party chatting over food and roasting smores in drizzle (it worked!), the longest it seems I can stand these things without feeling like I'll explode with weird behavior, brought two snacks I let them have, but dealt with the same short convos I just struggle to hold on in even when the other people are being friendly. I talked to a woman my age in Bettendorf that night for an hour+ as I had Monday through Thursday (I met her on Plenty of Fish Monday night and she pushed the convo to text Tuesday initating Wednesday and Thursday too but not Friday), kind of quirky and into pop culture like me and a bit girlish but very nice, Saturday evening. Problem is, in the unlikely event I ever meet her living three hours away, I'm so afraid she'll discover the mediocre lack of accomplishments that have always held me back and the deep character problems behind them, which I feel like I have no time to fix. Dating isn't the only thing in my mind, but it's the ultimate test of a man's value and failure at it proves me the worthless garbage I think I am sometimes. Hobbies give me comfort and my job puts food on the table (or will if I can get insurance that won't bankrupt me since I'm "not disabled enough" for SSDI), and I probably sound like a lazy, ungrateful complainer, but I still feel confused about what to do and wish people would be as forthcoming as some of their messages to my post were. Even my old therapist wouldn't answer my answers to his questions about it from when he saw the page.

Oh God, I sure hope they don't think that about you, but I wouldn't be surprised. That's because I'm way older than you, but the way you sound reminds me so much of the pain that I went through, and learned to compartmentalize.

To me, you sound motivated, intelligent, and engaged. You probably do a good job of having academic conversations with academics and serious students. The problem is, I believe you when you say you come across as weird. I know exactly what that's like. If it weren't for the objective measures (tests, certificates, degrees, awards and official compliments sometimes), I wouldn't have had any choice but to believe the people who got entertainment out of gaslighting me. In fact, the first episode of this when I was in my 20's demolished my try at higher education. I had to drop out. It took years for me to regain the self confidence that allowed me to finish, later. And also, with some degree of distinction.

The problem is (in part) that we live in a culture where form trumps substance every time. People only put up with "nerds" these days, because there's some money in it now. I'm old enough to remember when a nerd was about the worst thing a guy could be. It isn't all that great today, but then it was worse.

I hope I can offer you some encouragement, because it seems to me you have a lot to work with. And at this point in your journey through life, it seems to me the risk may be that you'll start believing those people who think you're a loser. There's so much to recommend you. You're an Aspie, but you're willing to cold call people for political campaigns. You do seem to take risks. But you do need that zone of comfort, somewhere, to take refuge in. It's important. Make sure it's there.

u totally NOT sound or look like idle complainer, loser, or anything like that.
responce of one, or even more than one, NT(or allistic) person to u can not be a measure of ur worth. it can seem so when u are deep in the line, and sometimes need days to get above it and get the perspective.
all the issues u mentioned, i relate to. wont go deep and broad here, i've written it a bit too many times xD
u are a fighter, and a winner. u take the blows and they put u on ur back leg, but u will regain ur balance. u are strong, u are stronger than me, u are AWESOME. carry on!

Thanks, everyone! I'm hearing back from the girl on POF, getting ready for the election tomorrow, and trying to be upbeat. Maybe I'll find a food allergy that is keeping me down Thursday. Just gotta figure it out.

It looks like you had some success in IA on election night. Hope things are looking up for you.

Not as much as I hoped for at the state level, where Democrats came up just short for the governorship and legislative control. I'll probably be switching to the federal ACA exchange now and keeping the hours that put me above the threshold, since it's safer IMO than Medicaid under the shameful failed leadership the state's voters elected to continue to my chagrin. $750/yr ($100 deductible, $650 out-of-pocket maximum) with no premiums will save me a lot compared to the work plan, though I'll probably have to switch allergists. Psych and therapist the same, GP and dentist have sliding scales so I'll see how they compare to in-network. Sorry if TMI.

I was at my local state house candidate's watch party, running to replace Abby Finkenauer, who it still boggles my mind is a few days younger than me and headed to Congress next year after her victory in my district, but despite replying quizzically to a text of congratulations on her husband's win, the canvassing friend avoided me after arriving at the party (never even saw her though hubby, who I congratulated along with the grateful state house winner, pointed her out in his speech so I know she came). Hope I don't sound creepy about it, and it didn't really bother me fundamentally, as I realized that her response to my autism note, like her public interactions, were just for show, and her failure to respond in "one on one" social media evinced a perception of me as "not part of the circle" that I'm familiar with but not used to seeing be so subtly expressed as it is by A-types like her. I guess she just decided to be consistent, and I had a good time chatting with a guy I canvassed with earlier and an old college classmate from my history minor whose dad won a seat on a county ag board. Altogether, it was a good night, though the state and Senate disappointments sapped the appetite for beer-battered shrimp I wanted to try and I was up until 2 since the speakers didn't get around there until 11.

Not sure how I'll socialize now, but am optimistic after getting more reviews on my Instagram pics out walking today (geese are always a hit, and Quad Cities girl liked it too so yay) and the good experience at the shindig Saturday night that I'll find my way. The college friend mentioned trivia night in passing, so I'm thinking of looking at that angle to try to find the sort of niche I did in high school quiz bowl. At least I feel a little less like human civilization is going to break down, but I want to be part of its restoration and wouldn't trade the growth experience its apparent decline forced me to seek out in my daily life. To those looking to catch up to my stage in life, I wish you luck on your journey, and to those ahead of me, I look forward to your advice, whether in this thread or PM.

It's good to see that your engagement is somewhat working. Your note about your canvassing friend does show something that has bothered me in groups like that as well. I'm sort of a progressive leftie, in many respects, but the thing I've noticed is that a lot of the groups in that zone have people who expect everyone to be as neutrotypical as the others in society expect. The difference is that they all know the right "PC" stuff to say, so that it confuses us Aspies even more.

I'm curious to ask you if depressed commodity prices (i.e., corn and soybeans) played any part in the Iowa elections.

That's the amazing thing about politics, people are so much more complex than the stereotypes. I've met a lot of conservatives at work who have been very friendly, albeit largely work-limited, and my post from 10-25-2018 brought people across that other spectrum, from libertarians to conservatives to liberals to socialists to an anarchist (a buddy from high school who silently liked), together to celebrate this guy. I got a big head about it and thought I maybe could become a speechwriter after uniting such a coalition. Maybe even run for some very low-intensity office lol.

The "PC" thing can be intimidating if I don't know the latest lingo, but I prefer it to the obnoxious jokes and rhetoric I'd have to contend with if I joined my conservative friends at their functions. At all political events, from canvassing to rallies to phone banks, there's a crash course in the kinds of social skills, especially with strangers, that us Aspies struggle with most, so in a way it's kind of a hard-knocks education for me just like my call center job. It's not always fun being shaken out of my shell, but when people show me they appreciate me, it gives me motivation and makes it feel more worthwhile.

I think the Trump tariff wars had some impact on the Iowa results, since even the urban people depend on the business of farmers, though the rural areas remained pretty red. The blue wave, as everywhere, was heavily driven by more engaged-than-usual minorities (quite a few Hispanics and Asians work in meatpacking plants, and African-Americans are growing in numbers in the larger cities, including the great Dem Secretary of State candidate, that's the state election czar for you foreigners, who lost respectably by single digits to the Republican incumbent), but particularly by women. White women still were the vast majority in Iowa and helped edge one of their own to keeping the governorship in GOP hands, but leaned much bluer in the college towns like mine. I've come to appreciate working-class white women, who sadly don't often agree with the politics that could benefit them, and minority women who are often underappreciated by the establishment Dems, more than the wealthier white women who tend to dominate feminist discussions, as I find the latter sometimes more judgmental about awkward guys like me. So much putting on airs, and once I got out of the teen-college stage where I was in thrall to their expensive looks, I realized the immaturity. They get better with age, though, and some of the older ones will make great leaders. Maybe my new federal Rep will surprise me, never met her, but I see the difference clear as day with the state Rep succeeding her who's 10 times older but twice as mature. Kind of a tangent I know, and in any case, women are building a better world with or without me, I hope I can get enough to want to keep me around so I don't have to sit at home and do hobbies all day hahaha.

You are doing a lot of social comparison, and in most such comparisons you are the loser. This is a habit of thinking that can keep you depressed and lonely. It seems absolutely plain to me, that people working on a campaign are not there to make friends but to effect political change, and all have lives and things that keep them stressed and busy. That doesn't equate to "I am not worthy of their attention"!

If you catch yourself in this "I am not good enough" thinking, just say to yourself mentally "STOP!" or if you are sure you are alone, even say it aloud.

Sounds like you have lots of assets, and are taking good steps to widening your circle. Just stop shooting yourself in the foot by berating yourself. Good luck! (And I am on the same side politically as you, and find a lot to cheer in the election results, although I'm not in Iowa and don't follow those issues in your state.)

I read these "I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do, oh how I wish there was something I could do," sort of posts & can't help but think "Oh, gee, if only someone had told you what you could try doing.." Y'all might think I'm the biggest a**hole on this forum for saying that, but it's exactly how I feel when reading these sorts of frustrated "woe is me," posts from members who've been on here for many years. It makes me wonder just how long people have to suffer before they're willing to try different things to treat their symptoms and see if they work for them. Clearly it hasn't been long enough for most people on these forums. I used to get frustrated/sad about it, but more and more I'm rather indifferent. I just kinda read, roll my eyes a little, and think "Well, things can't really be that bad or maybe you'd be more willing to try different forms of treatment. Must not have hit your "rock bottom," yet where you're willing to find out if major dietary changes will in fact help you feel better & function higher," sort of thing.

Maybe. At Least you have an open mind about that! As for "Just gotta figure it out," again, I sit here reading these things and can't help but think "Why? I figured it out over 5 years ago and told y'all exactly what it was & how to treat it." But apparently I'm an a**hole (according to a mod here) for saying so. In my reality, I'd be an a**hole if I had figured out how to treat AS and kept it to myself vs. sharing it with others it may benefit.

But w/e, to each their own. You know exactly where the PM button is if you'd care to discuss anything I do - I am always 100% open to communicating with Anyone on here about any of this stuff, even the personalities I don't particularly like, (not you.) because health & wellness transcends petty forum bickering.