A jock I used to know now has a nerdy/geeky wife

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Someone I used to know who used to be a security guard at the joke of a library I work at came in with his wife and baby today. This guy is a total meat head jock but yet has a nerdy/geeky wife while I am considered a "loser" for being shy and introverted and I can't even get a simple coffee date or online meet up date. I was feeling better than I was for the last few days but now the day is ruined for me.

Unlikely people sometimes get together.

Give it time, it may happen unexpectedly like it did with me.

Don't make it your one and only goal in life. You too, can meet a suitable "other half"... as many of our members here have done against all odds.

You got that right. My older brother considers himself a "true blue conservative" while his wife is a "bleeding heart liberal".

I understand that rushing or trying to force things hasn't helped but I do still struggle with patience and perseverance. Whenever I failed at getting a date, it would discourage me severely. For some reason, my instincts are to give up when things don't go my way no matter how hard I try.

I have been getting conflicting advice on how to go about my struggle from people I know. Some say to not think about dating and focus on other things while others are telling me to "put yourself (me) out there". I find it almost impossible to not think about dating because I see relationships wherever I go and I don't know how to "put myself out" unless they mean go to one of the smoky sports bars in my area.

Doubt you'd find the type of girl you'd like at one of those places.

Have you tried any of the better dating sites where some compatible soul might lurk?

In the meantime, don't try too hard. There may come a time when some of the guys you know might become jealous of the "catch" you made!

NB! No sexism intended with that phrase....
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The bar is somewhat lower for women, in my experience; a woman only needs to be good looking, whereas a man generally needs to also be tall, physically strong, have a decent income, a car and so forth.

I tried Plenty of Fish, Match, eHarmony, and zoosk for a whole summer but they didn't lead to anything. I actually paid a "fling" site out of desperation; I hated how my older brother was getting all the girls and I was suffering from summertime sexual tension but it was the same deal with the dating sites. I was shocked to see a girl my age at the time (21) having sex with a guy in his 40's.

One of my co-workers has the nerdy/geeky look but her husband looks like a redneck. I am honestly scared that the number of nerdy/geeky women is decreasing and the re-election of Ted Cruz in my state means a lot of them will leave.

Opposites really do attract. Also I don't want to put you down or anything but you really shouldn't hold it against the guy for finding love and having his own family. You should be more happy for him because it's very hard for anybody to find real love in this crazy selfish world of ours. I used to really hate my brother but when I found out he and his girlfriend were having a baby I was very happy for all of them and it even changed my brother and made him a better person. You shouldn't give up on yourself either you might still find love one day.

From my experience looks really aren't the only thing that matters for a woman when a guy goes out with her. If she isn't a nice person to him or is too boring he will quickly loose interest and dump her. Despite the way Hollywood portrays heterosexual men on TV they actually do have their own standards when it comes to wanting to be in a serious relationship with a woman.

I didn't own a car until I was over 50.

I'm a short man. I'm a chubby man.

My income was never even "decent"--even now.

I'm not physically strong.

I think you just described the majority of Aspies on this site including me. I'm not 50 yet and I can't drive nor own a car, I don't even know how to use a city bus or taxi.

I had a fiancée at 19. And a wife at 34.

I slept with between 30 and 35 women. Mostly before 1990.

After 1990, I had about 3-4 serious relationships.

Yet....like you said....that description is the description of many guys here.

I've never had sex or been in a relationship but I think I have enough self confidence now that maybe I can change that.

And like I said I'm happy for anybody who finds a real relationship and can start a family of their own.

Last edited by TW1ZTY on 08 Nov 2018, 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What I said might be a slight exaggeration, but it's still the case that the bar is a great deal lower for women. The men you talk about probably found someone prettier, is all.

I see guys who go out with fat, old, and dumpy women all the time. I don't think men are all really as shallow as TV makes them out to be.

I think it's especially true for older men. If they are still single by the time they are in their 30's they get desperate about wanting to find a woman (or man) to be in a commited relationship with and raise kids and start a family of their own. It's usually the younger men who do nothing but play around and don't want to settle for a commited relationship just yet.