I hate myself a lot right now

Post Reply New Topic

I said something very stupid on a different forum. Something I'd rather no repeat. I mean after all according to these people I'm just some sort of broken monster trying to make everything about me and steal attention.

Maybe I really am just a drama whore. If I actually died would that make everybody happy? They wouldn't have to deal with me stealing their precious attention anymore.

I'm so full of anger and depression right now and I know it's all my fault and I deserve it like people say. The more I want to talk about it the more I annoy people. I really wonder how many people would be happy and forget I ever even existed if I just simply died?

first u dont and totally dont look like an attention whore
second we all sometimes say stupid things. or sick things
sometimes i do that with full notion of what i am doing, what am i now?)
i totally would not be happy if u were not here, i like u
its just the depression/anxiety stuff kicking in.
u know u are better than this, better than one post that might not even be as bad as u want to present
things can be very very different depending on context, ukno. i wasnt there, i dunno what happened
but i really dont think the person i see here would write something toxic for no reason
stay up. think about it if u have to, but dont let it get to u
if somebody provoked u, and u responded in kind, the guilt is not to u.
if u were defending something/somebody, the guilt is not to u
sit tight or have a good long quality time with ur best stress toys
no mistake can nullify ur value

You're certainly not an attention seeker or drama whore. Don't worry about what others think. Forgive yourself for your stupid mistakes and move on. If you find your curry medication is not meeting your needs, discuss with uyour therapist.

I have an appointment coming up tuesday so I hope I can get everything straightened out with my medication.

fuh. i am very relieved to see u posting. was very nervous that i got here too late. hope u get over that incident. u are a good person for all i know. take care.

Thank you for being such a caring person, Serpentari. You are making a valuable contribution to WP.

This silly predictive script! I meant current medication not curry!

We care about you Twizty, and about all our members. I wish I had wizard powers to make some of them feel better. The trouble is we are not professionals. We mainly speak from personal experience.

I really am glad to have met some very nice people like you guys here. I think a lot of you guys really do understand what I'm going through. Thank you guys for being understanding of me and not turning your back on me the way some people have.

I don't turn my back on friends.

There ate some people who have turned their backs on me through the years though.

However, I feel bad sometimes because I have brief rants, evem about my BF, but they seldom last more than 5 minutes. Just my stupid Aspie dark side meltdowns at times!

I so glad hr cares about me so much and always forgives me my rants. There are a number of other people I call true friends who don't judge and are always there for me and vice versa.

May Tuesday go well when you next see the therapist.

those some people who have, they just.dont.get.it. every damn time it happens it tears u apart, but u gotta get back togather. haters gonna hate. i had whole hate letters just for me. last fight with somebody i had cared for (and guess still do) just happened, too. not letting it f**k with ur own perception of urself and ur value is hard, but nesessery.

also, envirozentinel, tyvm. knowing, that i make a difference here, is very important to me.

U r welcome! I am often astonished how well folk write English when it's not their first or home language. I wish I could be better at different languages.

Now that I'm calm I'll explain a little bit of what caused me to get so upset.

Anybody remember me making the topic about the guy I met on a different forum who I thought I was becoming friends with? And how he told me he thought I was a creep and that I needed to back off because I was sending him too many messages?

Well the miserable son of a b***h sent me an apology and I made a BIG mistake of forgiving him because I thought he was actually sincere. Then days later I accidently posted something that he and another member took the wrong way and he flipped the hell out on me calling me all sorts of horrible things and getting me to saying something REALLY horrible that I wish I hadn't because I could now potentially get into legal trouble for it. But I never would have said it if he hadn't provoked me into saying it over some stupid reply to a Random Things topic in the first place

That's exactly what I mean about WHY I don't forgive people! It's so overrated! Forgiving somebody just gives them permission to hurt you all over again.

As far as I'm concerned nobody deserves forgiveness from me and I won't be going back to that message board ever again. I hope that the next girl this a**hole talks about hooking up with drugs his drink and then steals one of his kidneys.

this is stress and fresh hurt talking. been there had that. many a time. yes, sometimes it happens like this.but sometimes u forgive somebody and that starts something wonderful. a relationship on whole different level. and ya its hard to distinguish. but no forgiving policy is well, suboptimal. please forgive me for saying so)))

It's ok I do appreciate you for saying that because I know you really are just trying to help.

I just can't believe I chose to forgive somebody who turned around and hurt me the exact same way again only worse. I feel like I'm just not a good judge of people. I'm way too naive.

Now I really do understand why my mama was warning me about making friends online and being careful about getting my feelings hurt.

i've been there more times than i can count. and then i've been a b***h to people who didnt deserve it. because my ability to trust was broken. or simply would hide from society for lengthly periods of time. and then i got to trust, and then... ya. but the relationships that transcended this loop made it all worthwhile. with time i learn to notice sighns when it gonna be boom. and i well, make it boom ^^ so that at least i wasnt the victim. and quite often the defences misfire, at that. and some people forgive me for that. knowing how f****d up i am. im trying to balance it out, with dicey progress. feeling frustrated when u are betrayed, feeling hurt, is natural. and reacting violently is even more natural. let it wash off as it would. cant make it faster, cant make it hurt less. can get up when its over. i know that tomorrow i can take another blow. i dont know who will be talking me over it. i know somebody will. i am doing what i can here.

It appears, to me, like some people (not you) love themselves, way too much


I do not particularly "like" myself either


Nor do I like anyone else (several exemption)



Not everyone is as awesome, as they act, like they are





Everyone makes mistakes

This guy has Bipolar Disorder too which was part of the reason I thought me and him were friends. I guess it's possible he was having a bad day like I do, but that's no excuse for the way he utterly tore me down and destroyed me on forum. ESPECIALLY after he apologized to me once and I accepted his apology.

Won't make that mistake again.