I dont know what Im doing

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Im on the waiting list for a group home. It will be for high functioning people. I was told it will take 3 to 5 years to get into one. I dont have to go in Im just considering it. I was told I could have a tour of one before I commit.

Some people have said group homes are to be avoided like the black death. Others have said they arent so bad if you follow the rules. So I dont know what Ill do. Taking a tour of one and knowing the rules will probably help me make up my mind.

Things arent so bad for me now. I have a lot of things included with my rent such as free washer and dryer, free wifi etc. There are a few problems though. We have rats. Sometimes people steal. People also dont stay long. Just as you are getting to know someone, they move out. People dont throw out food so it rots in the fridge. They will move out and leave it behind. Its pretty gross.

Another thing Im not sure about is, there is someone here that takes out the garbage. There are 13 people in this house. Whats gonna happen when he dies? He doesnt take care of his health. Yeah Im not sure if the landlord will pay someone to take out the trash or not. I really dont know how to do it. Dont know what day it goes or anything. Whos gonna take out the garbage for 13 people?

Also what if the landlord retires and theres a new one but I dont have his or her number. How will I know how to get the number.

I worry about stuff like this living on my own. I would have a bit more money if I stayed like this so it makes it a hard decision.

Those worries aren't for you to spend too much time on. I promise you if your landlord left you would know. The new one would give their info to all tenants. As far as the trash guy dying, someone will replace him. You can't control any of these, the more time you spend thinking on the uncontrollable the more stress and anxiety it will give you.

Im a worrier.

So am I
Anxiety from autism.

I thought you lived in a group home
13 people in one house? Or is it a apartment building?

Its a boarding house. A big old house with 13 rooms. We share kitchens and bathrooms.

I worked in health care for four years, until recently, when I switched jobs. I visited lots of group homes. Some are nice and some are not. If it seems clean, smells nice, and the people seem happy and well taken care of then you might enjoy it.
Some of them were in more remote areas. I would think that would make a big difference for a resident because they would have a difficult time finding transportation. Some of them were close to busier areas and the residents could walk different places themselves when they wanted.
Do you like to be able to choose what foods you will eat?
Are you able to prepare you own meals?
All of the group homes I visited had certain meals on certain days - a set menu. That might be an important question to ask when you visit.
Can you take care of other aspects of your life beside the garbage being taken out?
You seem like you have a lot of freedom and independence and money to spend.
If I were you I would stay where I had the most freedom to make my own choices.
The fellow that takes out the garbage will be replaced if he cannot do his job. Its against the law to let trash build up and the landlord would be held liable.
Rats are dreadful but they may be in the group home as well. Another question to ask!

Im not much good at cooking so I go to a soup kitchen. I also have a problem with laundry. Its fine if its just a normal machine but if its coin laundry I need help. Sometimes the washmachine breaks down here and I have to get my parents to do my laundry. It will be hard when theyre gone.

I looked into getting an independant living support worker to help with laundry and drives to places. But you have to be in your own apartment for that. I think having my own apartment would be difficult because then I would have to pay a power bill and phone bill. I dunno its a lot of responsibility and I dont think I could handle it.

You can pay power bills and phone bills on the computer nowadays. You can do a "direct withdrawal" sort of thing,

I would have less money living on my own so it would be hard to pay bills.

That's true. It would be more difficult to live "on your own" when you're on benefits.

Are your parents quite elderly? Is this an issue that you should start planning for now or more like many years away?
If you won't have someone besides your parents to help you in the future when things break down or you need extra help then I would say you should start looking into group homes and hopefully your parents can help you make a good decision on which one to pick.

It can be very hard for some people to ask for, arrange, and accept help, other than from family. I am physically disabled and my husband, age 77, has early stage Alzheimer's. We would have a much harder time in our apartment if I could not hire helpers to do things for us that younger, abler people can do themselves.

It is probably easier for me because I had a business once for which I hired employees, I supervised college and graduate students, and I have hired home helpers a number of times. Some of my experience was just trial-and-error. I assume if you had a home helper their pay would come out of a social service agency.

I know some elderly people who have a home helper. They frequently complain their worker comes late. Other than that, they don't seem too unhappy with the arrangement.

I think the most desirable outcome for you, Sarah, might be a subsidized (low-income) apartment in a building that is reserved either for elderly or disabled tenants. If you look at "market rate" apartments in your area - the rent that everybody else has to pay - they will probably seem out of your price range. But subsidized housing is more affordable. I don't know how systems vary between Canada and US, but it seems from things you have said that there is something similar there.

A low-income apartment and a home worker from a social service agency might give you a pretty good quality of life. The worker could help you with laundry, paying bills, tidying up, and other household chores. Although you might have a hard time imagining it, many of the things you rely on your parents for could also be done for you by a paid worker.

There are good and bad group homes, but in all cases, you would have to be able to get along with other people in your living space. Would that be easy for you? You mentioned people moving out all the time from the boarding house. That is probably less true in a subsidized building and a group home, since it takes so long to get into one.

I've mentioned my concern with the rats before. I still think you should contact health authorities for your city or county and make a complaint. It doesn't sound like the trapping you tenants have been doing is controlling the problem.

I think you can make a better decision about your future if you tour some group homes and also some subsidized housing. A social worker should be able to set that up for you. Best of luck.

If only it wouldnt take so long to get into a group home or get a support worker. The wait is quite long. I cant imagine living in my own apartment. Even with help I think it would be hard. If I had to pay a power bill and go to the laundrymat I wouldnt have much money for food. Unless an apartment for elderly or disabled covered that stuff. It would be nice. Where Im at I have lots of money for food but since its a boarding house they wont give me an independant support worker. Its not fair.

I get along with others unless they are the ones bullying. I get along with everyone where I am now so I think I might be alright in a group home...if its nice that is.

A couple of ideas. One, go ahead and get on waiting lists. Who knows where your thoughts will be, 5 years from now? In my city, the word was they weren't even adding names to waiting lists for government housing. My daughter was working with a social worker on various needs and the worker heard of a behind-the-scenes deal where you could get approved in just two or three months! This wasn't publicized, you had to be referred by a social worker. So take the 5 year waiting period with a grain of salt.

Second idea. If you are getting along all right with people in the boarding house, you might be happy enough in a regular shared house or apartment, one with a free laundry on site and no rats. These are often advertised near universities, since students typically have limited funds.

Anyway - no need to stress about any of your options, you don't have to make immediate decisions.

My advice, never wait to put yourself on a wait list, otherwise you can effectively double the time you have to wait. You can decide what you want to do at a later date.