Better with machines than people :(

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I'm not sure anyone will ever think I'm worthy of leaving my computers for long enough to have a normal life.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I agree with puzzledoll. This is a comfort zone issue. You're going to have to go places (emotionally and experientially) where you don't excel, and it is going to make you uneasy at first, and maybe, forever.

The answer lies within. ommmm

first of all, re-emphasise what others allready said, u are worthy of anything u want/can do. but computers are ur love, ur hyperfocus, ur event horizon. what is "normal life"? going out, all the way to concerts, doing skiing, diving, whatever? i dont have that. my pc gives in to old age, im done. i live when im plugged in. thru this machine, into the digital world that is my home. not normal? hey, i am a f*****g aspergerian with f*****g ptsd, and tons of other stuff, what is to be normal in me? gender? all right, what else? f**k normal. this is the wrong planet, we exist outside "normal" from birth, and we can jolly well give no flying f**k to whatever is considered normal. our normal is what makes us capable to survive, if nothing else. im a bit uneasy writing this now, after u didnt answer my last message and i dont know where we stand. i still must, and also want to write it.so point im making, "normal" is defined by majority. normal is what's good for majority of people. we are minority, and we fall out of "normal" by our very nature, and there is nothing wrong with that. so well u are being down on urself. maybe u got an endorphine dip, we all get it. the chems come back in u feel different. its a dipping season, ya. sit back, look at ur best friend (who consists of metal, plastic and silicium) and think what u WANT, rather than what an average human should want in ur boots. if u want to stay where u are, do just that. if u want to somehow get a break and go out, u totally are worthy of going out. remains only to plan it) or just order good food to be delivered right to ur cybernook) as a compromise)

That much is true, I have to meditate on the absurdity of my life in order to be more direct with those whom it confuses.

For what it's worth I'm about to get in my car & stay in town a while. It occurs to me that I might be a minority of one in this entire state which does indeed mean normalcy is essentially moot where I'm concerned. I was just talking about the idea of having a regular place among people who know me.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

a regular place can be like "there be cberg, he is at his pc, he is sure to be found there") i've been to a place where "normal" was arbitary. i hated it. that sort where u should wear only certain narrow range of cloths, have some "normal" haircut etc. to me its well, i dont want to type rude things about people from such regions, but i dont get it.

jokes aside, the only places where i have "regular" place are in cyberspace. there be vihja, she is somewhere neck-deep in mobs. there be vihja, she clearly is writing a wall-long answer to wp, nuff be done till she finishes it xD there be... wait. wtf, panic, panic, where's that messwit at? ah right. there she is, she just happened to afk for a meal xD IRL, i have 3 people, of of which is a walking trigger i refuse to acknowledge any longer, one i see somewhat 1-2 times per month, and 1 is 5 years old. much for validation, m?

hope u have ur fun there on town, if u want to do that) generally well just for me (and sorry about this much me-talk on this), what i have around cyberspace, via mmo games, chats and forums, is perfectly real. text is so much easier in means of communication. and it doesnt make connections any weaker. much otherwise. no interference from f****d up body language, no jitter from sensory overload during talking. this is life.

yep, same as me. some, i didnt expect to be there. some, i didnt expect to be well, who they are. underestimated them. didnt see their potential. turns out, letting ppl see u without shields and filters can bring out the real best from some of them.

Whenever I read these posts of your, cberg, it's like you're the one making yourself a separate entity.
Why?

Ultimately I've been gradually realizing that I've been in a completely different culture relative to most people who know me for a number of years - I'm always thinking about tiny machines & gigantic networks or systems at the same time. A full explanation of my usual day involves cognitive jumps that aren't comfortable for people close to me.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

how very familliar) people think im incoherent at times, because i just think about 5 things at a time and crample the excommunication) im coherent guys, i only have 1 mouth for 5 thoughts xd thinking on several different levels at that, too) guess its just the way an autistic brain can work)

well i offered u an option) its only up to u to make a choice)))

well its a choice u make) anything, that suits u, feels better at this specific moment. but ya it often so happens, that people keep what they actually want to say (like hey cberg, get ur ass out of that nook and lets go booze) out of respect for what they perceive as ur comfort zone. and they might perceive wrong, or ur priorities can change) so if u want somebody in ur real life to keep u company, maybe try signalling them about it?) (like if u dont want to be very verbal about it, u could just like, come up to them when they are chilling, and see the reaction? have a good reason for that too, like refilling ur tea, just in case)))