Seems the hating on lonely single men is coming back

Post Reply New Topic

Our experiences and existence clash with the ideas people have of humanity and the world.

But like it or not it’s reality.

I don’t call for murder or rape or any such things.

Sorry everyone thinks I’m horrible.

Might lose my social security and die then everyone will be happy.

I know you’re not the “incel” type.

Don’t provide fuel for the fire.

One must distinguish the millions of lonely men from the maybe hundreds (if that much) who are devoted idiots and who believe in “incel” ideologies.

A few years ago, I'd have told you you need to think scientifically about it: as living beings, our universal law is the law of the jungle. It always has and it always will. Noöne wants weak members in their tribe, and much less weak partners. If you're weak, people will either openly despise you for your weakness, or find a way to despise you all the same without saying the root cause is your weakness. It doesn't matter whether they think it's because of your weakness, or whether they do it consciously or not---the consequences are the same for you. Therefore, you should realize you have to be as strong as possible. Figure out what it takes to pursue your goals as efficiently as possible, and do it. Keep doing it as long as you're alive, no matter how many times you fall and have to get up again. Achieve your goals or die trying. Even if you don't achieve anything in the end, and people just laugh at you, crush you like a cockroach and quickly forget you to merrily go on with their successful lives, it's still better than any alternative, by logical necessity, so you have nothing to lose.

But this was a few years ago, before I learned the hard way that trying to reason with most people is a huge waste of time.

Why are men enraged if a woman ignores them in a public place? When I was young & cute, there were men approaching me everywhere. But the rule is: don't talk to strangers. That's all. Why do they blow their stack(s)? If you don't already know my name, then leave me alone. There's a seething hatred in men's response to being ignored - I still don't know why.

"She deserves what she gets." She deserves to be left alone. Also, a woman reading a book is enjoying herself; there is no need to rescue her from it.

"Well then, what did you get all dressed up for?" (1) not for any stranger. (2) jeans, sneakers, and a jacket do not constitute 'all dressed up.' I've always wondered why men think this is a clever thing to say, especially at 10am on a Saturday outside a grocery store.

I would like this conversation to get bigger - for men to say *why* they are angry.

Whose enraged ?

Men who approach a woman they don't know and get ignored.

Getting angry helps them to reclaim some of their 'macho' after a rejection, I think.
It gives them the illusion of power and control, to call a women frigid or something.
That way there's nothing wrong with them and everything wrong with you.

Which men ? members here ?

For context, let me first say, I have been "involuntarily celibate" or whatever else you might want to call it, for twice as long as you, sly. I do understand the loneliness and frustration. And I don't think you're horrible either! Also, I want to make clear that the comments below are not intended just for you.

OK, First thing.
- People disagreeing with your opinion is not "hating".
- People offering advice which you don't want to hear is not "hating".
- People offering advice which you have heard before, and maybe unsuccessfully tried, is not "hating".
- People saying inappropriate things because they don't understand your situation is not "hating".
Let's stop throwing the word "hate" around before it ceases to have any meaning any more.

THIS

You are not "horrible", sly, but I will be totally frank with you; you are annoying and frustrating sometimes, as are several of the other L&D "regulars" - including the people who consistently repeat the same arguments back at you. When people start a thread on L&D to discuss their problems, they are not expecting their thread to to be hijacked by the same few people having the exact same argument that we see repeated on every other thread there.

This is why I never post in L&D. It isn't that I don't want dating advice (I sure could use it). It's not that I don't want to help other people feeling the same pain as I do. It is because I know that within half dozen posts, the thread will end up looking exactly the same as all the other ones, and it will drag on and on for post after post saying essentially the exact same things over and over again. L&D and many of the threads discussing gender have become little more than an "echo chamber" for the same few voices and opinions - too much talk and too little listening. This deters people from posting who might have an alternative perspective, maybe even ones that would be useful to you.

You have the same opportunity to discuss what is important to you as anyone else here, including making your own threads, such as this one (I'm glad you did, it was a wise choice) However, there are times when people are discussing their issues, especially people not in the same situation as you, when they would rather that people who's opinions are already well known and irrelevant to their thread would just butt out. It is just tiresome when the same few people try to drag every thread into the same issues that they want to discuss all the time. This is particularly the case when people are posting in the Haven.

I'm sorry if my comments seem harsh. They are sincerely intended to help you, and also the other L&D "regulars", to see why you get the reactions you do sometimes. Step back, take a deep breath, and stop diving straight in on the first thing you see that you disagree with every time, and stop exaggerating every little difference of opinion into feeling "hated"; you know by now where that will lead. I'm not condoning people "lashing back" with unkind words, of course they shouldn't; but I do understand the frustration which leads them to do that.

Never heard of incel before this week. It should undo like an insult.

How am I adding fuel to the fire?

My probis women in person who I know and work with will ignore me when I say hi or how’s your day , just doing what’s required of us for work and i dont know being a decent human. They know I’m worthless and ignore me or make angry faces.

I don’t talk to women outside of work or dating sites. Both with ignore me due to my income yay.

There are people here who say we are horrible and single men shouldn’t be allowe or that we support murder and rap of women or that cause we single due to our poor income and complain about being single we must hate all women.


Threads are open to anyone to reply to. It’s still a free forum last I checked.
So I’ll reply when I feel the need to voice my experiences and opinions just like anyone else. I’m not going shut myself off so others can live in make beleive land

Your perception is severely distorted. My thread in L&D is discussing the deranged ideals of so-called self labeled "incels," who promote rape & murder of women/men as an expression of their anger for not getting laid.

You have never posted any such rape or murder ideologies, so, you're in the clear.

You are the only person here who keeps posting that you're "horrible." Those are your thoughts, no one else'. Everyone else is too busy with their lives to think much of you at all. It's only your own anxiety & depression that makes you think people are expending their energy thinking negative thoughts about you.



Your problem is Autism. You're socially impaired. The timing, tone/volume of voice, facial expressions, body language, eye contact etc that you use is likely not coming across to people as friendly & inviting as you intend if their reactions are negative. It may be being perceived as rude, creepy, weird/different/odd etc. These are all reasons someone may not return your "hi," or "how's your day."

It has nothing to do with how much money you earn. No one walks around with a $ sign above their head that says how much money they earn. I speak with people ~daily who are multimillionaires, and others who are homeless/way below poverty line income. At no instance do I consider their income before responding to their friendly hellos or greetings. No one does this. It's not your income, it's your communication style that requires work. Well, along with your confidence considering you assume the most negative possible outcome & that everyone is thinking negative things about you.



No. There are people who are saying that those who promote violence, rape, and murder as being justified because they're not getting sex from women are horrible people. Some dude who's single & poor? Nope. No one cares. My thread is about those with violent agendas, not single guys who simply can't get dates/sex. There's a big difference and if you were unable to see it I'm glad I clarified.

Thanks for posting that last bit, sly. I'm glad we're both on the same page about freedom of speech even when we disagree with each other.

People who work at cabelas make min wage not middle class inco,e. So no me wearing a cabelas employees short might as well be be a $ sign above my head. And when women see it on my profile they also know, women at my work who make the same as me know how much I make. And. If all that doesn’t happen it’s usually asked in the first 4 messages if not it’ll be asked before meeting. And that’s just for the few women that don’t list having a well paid job and your life together is required on their profile,
You’ve even admitted that yes most women won’t date a poor man. So no my problem is my job and income.

People who actually bother to talk to me enjoy our conversations and no it’s not just me who notices how women treat me.

Your not a woman.

You have no idea my communication style your just reaching for straws.
It’s my income. Most women aren’t shy or ashamed about telling me so.

All of them are right seems to cover me unless I’m not part of the complaining male population on wp

There’s a difference between free speaks repetitive harassment in heaven

Why would your dating profile list your occupation or income level unless it was something that was considered attractive & thus an asset to list? Some people might list that they are a career oriented lawyer with little free time - and that's to show off their job status/prestige, income, and to make a statement that they're busy and not interested in wasting time talking with people they're not attracted to. But regular Joe Schmoe Pizza Hut delivery driver? Why on God's green Earth would he list his occupation or income level on a dating profile? Basic rule of thumb is to only reveal information that is considered attractive, not to shoot yourself in the foot by being transparent about aspects of your life that you don't feel make you attractive to potential dates. That's just self sabotaging behaviour right there. At most, discuss your work etc in a conversation, not out in the open on your profile as a deterrent to getting messages at all.

Most women don't desire poor men. But, there are MANY poor men who get dates, sex, and relationships. Your problem isn't your income. It's your depression/anxiety/ASD etc. It's not the low paid job. It's all the underlying reasons why you're working a low paid job right now. It's those things you need to focus on improving before you'll be able to work a higher value job and increase your self esteem in the process.

It's not your income level if people at your work aren't saying hi to you in return. They all make about the same amount of money. It's your communication style whether you want to acknowledge it or not. Something is "off," and "out of synch," if you're being friendly & saying hello to coworkers and they're shunning you. If EVERYONE is mistreating you, then most often the problem isn't everyone else, it's you, and you're just blind to it. There must be something about the way you communicate with people & come across to them that doesn't have them returning the gesture in a nice way. People are like mirrors, they reflect back what you put out... if you're not liking the reactions you're getting from people, then you have to ask yourself, "What's wrong with what I'm putting out there?" and "What can I do to change it?"

I have no idea what you mean by "All of them are right seems to cover me unless I’m not part of the complaining male population on wp" ?

You're right, there is a difference between freedom of speech and harassment. Thankfully I know the difference and don't harass anyone. You need to learn the difference between someone disagreeing with you or responding with advice you don't like and harassment. There is a huge difference, just like there is with people hating on those who promote rape & murder vs. hating on single sexless men.

Last edited by goldfish21 on 04 May 2018, 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You provide "fuel for the fire" because you keep on saying how "horrible" you are. And how you'll never get a date, etc. It's not necessarily so that you'll "never find love."

It's provides "fuel" to those who seek to insult you.

I was never in the "upper middle class" or rich. Not even in the "middle class."I've had a clerical job all my life. I'm about the average height of a woman. I didn't even get my drivers license until I was 37. Yet, even though I had periods of loneliness and "no sex," I had other periods where I was more successful.

I wish you could move into a place like Portland, so you can meet other people who have no use for cars and who don't mind taking the bus.