irrational lonliness

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I have this thing I call irrational lonliness. I don’t really understand it.
It is as if I’m always going to feel unbearably lonely, no matter my situation. I currently have a lot of amazing friends I know are there for me, so why do I feel this way? I don’t get it… It’s frustrating and it hurts.
On a side yet similar note, I keep finding people lately who feel really connected to me but I don’t feel connected to them. I don’t know how to feel about this. It reminds me of a few lines of a song…
“Why does everybody else
Feel closer to me than
I can feel to them?
Though my reticence was necessary
Do you really know me well?
Do you think that we are friends?
Are we friends?”
When I first heard that I thought it sounded snobbish. But now I understand. It is hard.
I know my username is “lonelylogic”. That has a backstory to it I can’t be bothered getting into, but it isn’t necessarily relating to me actually feeling lonely.
Anyways, take what you will from my relatively incoherent ramble…

I relate to this. I don't connect with people often. I feel like I'm Going through the motions of friendships and I feel empty inside.

I do connect with some people. I've made a new friend recently that I just find so easy to talk to and I feel like she's genuinely engaged in the conversation. She's positive, realistic and compassionate.

Whereas other friends I have, I can see good things in them, but they bore me. I feel like I have to put a tremendous effort into talking to them to keep the conversation going or we just are not on the same wavelength.

Most people are blanks to me and I don't particularly enjoy social gatherings. I don't want to always be on my own, but doing social things often doesn't do anything for me either.

Being weird is lonely. I feel like few people share my interests.

Perhaps this loneliness comes from feeling different from others. When I had friends I felt different from them so I was lonely.

Yep. Over here. I am outgoing and expressive so "everybody knows Sharon", and yet I couldn't connect with folks on the level I wanted to. Often I am lonelier with my NT husband at home (I expect to connect more than we do) than I am when I am by myself (I just "play"). Now with children it's less often. When it gets bad my husband has been known to demand, "call your BFF!!". I am fortunate to have an AS-like BFF, and we connect, but even so, I'm "too much" for her also, so our get togethers are important but infrequent. I can be more myself with my husband and BFF, but only as much of myself as I was conditioned to be (which is fairly restrictive) --- I'm just now relearning to be more authentic and I hope that can help with feeling connected.

I can relate to the loneliness.

Despite my amazingly supportive family and friends, I still feel disconnected, and even disassociated with them as well as myself.

"How can anyone know me, when I don't even know myself?"

Ironic to know you're not the only one who feels this way.