People who have a "social magnet"

Post Reply New Topic

Do you know anyone with a social magnet? These are those types of people that just attract people, both socially and sexually, whatever they do. They can act rude, ignorant, selfish, annoying, moany, odd, bitchy, inappropriate, immature, know-it-all, and have lots of other obvious quirks that show up in their actions when among people, but no matter how quirky they are everybody just loves them.

I have to deal with one of those at work and sometimes it makes me depressed, although I don't show how much it gets to me. This girl isn't the most likeable of people, she's very self-centered, can act like a 12-year-old schoolgirl (even though she's in her 20s), seems emotionally unstable, often lets the team down, doesn't seem to have much compassion for other people, only talks about herself, can upset you if you have a different opinion to hers, can be unfriendly or annoying, and expresses emotion inappropriately - and yet almost everybody flocks around her. She's so lucky she's able to get so much attention. Even people who aren't like her at all seem to think she's wonderful.
There's this young girl that sometimes comes to see her dad who works there, and she's rather shy and reserved and rather mature, and she's studying science at college because she is rather intelligent and prefers studying to partying, but even she prefers this girl at work to me. On Facebook she tagged the colleague of mine, along with others, saying "Merry Christmas To All My Friends", and she posts replies on all of my colleague's posts, calling her babe and everything. And these 2 girls didn't even know each other 6 months ago.

Yet I'm easier to get on with, have more compassion, can engage in conversation, am mature, positive, polite, friendly, non-judgmental, helpful, thoughtful, calm, and have a good sense of humour (I love jokes and I'm not literal), and I never upset people (meaning I know how to be tactful). Yet I don't get half the attention she gets, and people just think this stupid girl I work with is the most wonderful thing that ever walked this planet. She's even met her boyfriend here at work, after pushing him away many times before she's actually decided to date him properly.

What is it what she has that I don't? Is it because she's louder than I am? Is it because I'm scatter-brained, slow-witted, forgetful, wimpy and shy? If I became louder will I suddenly be worshipped? No, I know what will happen if I became someone I'm not, I will just make one silly social faux pas, a very minute silly one that harms nobody, and that little faux pas will be pointed out to me in a dehumanizing way and I will feel humiliated and hurt, even though somebody needs to put this girl right or get her some sort of help because she drives me nuts just looking at her. But I'm too passive to say anything to her.

It just gets to me sometimes, how some people can act like an annoying lout yet still be worshipped like they're some sort of God.

It's an evolutionary failure. We evolved to admire the loud and superficially "confident" because our problems were so simple and immediate in the days of our distant ancestors that simply putting our faith in such people was a good survival strategy. Of course, that's no longer the case in our vastly more complicated and civilised world, yet the maladaptive mechanism lives on.

she's probably easy to talk to and fun. Before you judge, try getting to know her better? Maybe she's a really cool person. There must be a reason why people flock to her.

I've known her almost a year, I work 5 days a week with her, I know what she's like. In fact I found out everything about her on our training day we had when we first started 11 months ago (we both started at the same time). She sat and unprofessionally told her whole life story in one training day, while I could not get a word in edgeways. She is not fun, not in an age-appropriate, friendly, humourous sort of way. She even got nasty with her colleagues when they were just having a joke with her, while I found their joke hilarious. She doesn't even laugh that much. I've met some "fun" people in my life, and I know who they are. Some people I've met who are popular, but they have good reason to be. But I find this girl socially hard work. She's too in-your-face, unpredictable, moody, can be aloof then the next minute can be annoying the crap out of you.
Actually I've started to notice a few of the older colleagues at work are thinking the same as I'm thinking but are too nice to show any judgment. I remember I heard one of them say to the other, "(name) has a lot of issues". I was going to say, "I agree", but decided not to intrude, so I just said it in my head and felt glad I wasn't the only one thinking that. But I'm still perplexed as to why she gets fancied by so many different men and why this younger girl loves her so much. She's not exactly a role model you would want to look up to. She's a wreck. She hates guys looking at her and she avoids wearing too much makeup or sexy clothes because she doesn't like sexual attention from guys, yet they still seem to drool at her. But I can tell a difference between people who want to be civil to her because they work with her (like the older people at work) and people who actually love her and spend time outside work with her.

why is this an issue for you though? Has she ever been mean to you? Sorry, but I can't really sympathise, it sounds to me like she's a bit over the top but not a bad person. So if you find her annoying just hang around people you don't find annoying?

In a word, she is interesting. More interesting than someone who is quietly pleasant and who does their job without drawing attention.

A bit of a change to the subject, but are you saying that she is a wreck because she doesn’t wear makeup to work, or is there more to it?

if that is "interesting" then I will take boring any day.

my sister is like that, she had been like that since she was little and it's very frustrating for me. she could be mean or indifferent to everyone, but always there was lots of boys sending her love letters and girls wanting to be her friend. she is not a bad person, but i don't think she deserves all this attention and friendliness.

No, jeez. She's a wreck because she's got a recent history of drugs and she even had a child took away from her. I didn't want to have to say that here but it seems that people here just think I am judging an ordinary and decent person. She has actually upset me and a couple of others before, but I won't go all into detail about that, as that's a different thread.

But I will just cut a long story short and say that she's a rather difficult person to get on with and has many issues but yet still seems to be socially attracted to everybody. It makes me feel worthless. I thought people say that to want friends you have to be kind, compassionate, not go on about yourself, not be annoying and not be strange. Ok I understand that she got her child took away and I did feel sorry for her at first, but, according to her life story, it was all brought on herself. But I will not go into all that, for privacy reasons.

I like people who are different, quirky, etc, but I just find this particular person hard work and I don't know how everyone else think she's God's gift to the planet.

Seconded. She doesn't sound the least bit interesting.

People are interested in drama. I've noticed this throughout my life. I remember an older woman when I was a teenager. In our town she seemed to get a lot of attention. She knew everyone. She wasn't a very nice person.

And look, 20 years later I'm still talking about her. Why? Because she's interesting. She caused enough drama to be interesting.

Look at all the people who enjoy shouty soaps like Eastenders and Coronation Street. People enjoy being entertained.

She also may have a bit of a broken little bird thing going on. My old room mate was like that. She has a lot of mental health issues, but she always had guys crawling all over her. Love me, I'm broken, fix me.

That definitely sums it up. These kinds of people can be interesting and entertaining, but a nightmare if you really become involved with them. The saner, healthier people tend to appear kind of boring, at least until you get to know them.

Is there any place where an accident won't slow down traffic? No matter how minor or even if it is totally clear of traffic, people just have to slow down and look.

I do know people like that. Most of these people are found out eventually, but they cause a lot of trouble for a lot of people. I don't look forward to their failure because, very often, they leave a huge mess for the good people to clean up.

Just as some women are attracted to alpha males, so are some men attracted to alpha females.

No, It makes no sense to me either, but there it is.