Should I have killed myself when I turned 30?

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I didn't know I had Aspergers until I was 17 and suffering from fully blown clinical depression. Instead of feeling relief that I had an answer to what was 'wrong' with me, I felt more despair because all the information on people with Aspergers, especially for males, is that they remain lonely for all their lives. I wasn't going to parties on the weekends or hanging out after school (Atleast not regularly) but going home and being forced to stay in my room no thanks to my family. Even when I got a job, I was still going home and staying in my room while my brothers and other people I knew were partying.

My 20's I used to hope would be better than my teens. A lot of notable people seemed to hit their strides in their 20's and make up for lost time; I was even told by my family and others the decade was going to be better for me. Instead, I suffered even more disappointments and failures than when I was a teen. I am a college drop out, I am pre-diabetic, I earn only poverty level income, I still live with my mother, and I can't even get a coffee date. If the years that were supposed to be my best did not go that way, why would any of the succeeding decades be any better? Someone on this forum even told me to wait until I was 30 to kill myself. I turned 30 back in August and I am still suffering. Should I have just gotten things over with and killed myself?

No. As the short answer.

You seem surrounded by people who view autism as a bad thing. That you're not as good as neurotypicals. That's not the case. You're just different. I think you need to stop trying to live the same as neurotypicals and live as you are.

Money is really not important, so long as you have a good over your head and food in your belly and clothes on your back, you are fine.

Are there any autistic groups near you? Could you ask a local autism clinic if they know of anything or run anything. Often they don't show up on the internet but there's a few different groups in my area recommended by my clinic.

You need to associate with people more like you.

There's nothing wrong with you, don't give up on yourself.

I agree with LilMs Lois.

You need to find some activity where you feel useful, and are surrounded by one or two people who are more like you, as opposed to what you would define as "typical" in your neck of the woods.

I will be 54 in six days, and I'm far from typical. I function well now, but years ago, that wasn't the case. I had a college education, but never applied it at a very high level. I am not as successful as NTs, at least not in the way they perceive success.

When I feel anxious about the future, I try to think of my inspirational tennis player's words, "I don't think about a comeback. I'm here now." Mark, I hope things get better for you.

This is from someone who didn't hit her stride until she was in her late 40s and is still a work in progress. Don't give up.

You have an autism clinic different groups in your area


Sorry for derailment Marknis, I will return after I've had a temper tantrum and wallowed in self pity for a bit.

Yeah... It's actually called Adult Autism and Neurodevelopmental Service, it's like a doctor's surgery that just does autism and stuff. There's social groups organised like a drama club, conservation group ect

Where was your diagnosis done?

Me personally I no longer care about feeling useful to other people because I feel like I'm always being taken advantage of. I just want to feel useful to myself. I want to do things and try things that I've always wanted but can't do because I've always been made to feel like I can't make my own choices in life. Everything I do has to be something my mother approves of...

And I'm almost 30 and I definetly feel like my 20's were wasted. It's depressing watching your friends and family go to college, get careers, and raise families of their own. I have not been given the opportunity to do anything meaningful with my life and I feel like such a doormat.

Lincoln, I was given a 19 page booklet covering autism and told I would get help and counseling for my OCD. When

I went to the counseling they said I shouldn't have been sent to them as they have no one trained in autism. I had

to change doctors surgeries over difficulties making appointments because they insisted on my talking to a doctor

over the phone and on the day appointment systems. At the new surgery I can go in and make an appointment so

that's something, but no one at either surgery or anyone else has read my assessment. I feel very let down.

I don't want to give Alex a big head or anything, but Wrong Planet has saved my life.

Whoa. I assumed these were standard services. Now I'm a bit panicky that we'll lose it with the NHS cuts. Feels like a bit of luxury. Who diagnosed you? Surely they've got connections to autism services. I can't believe there's nothing where you are. I'm not surprised you feel let down!
I'm in Sheffield btw.

Whatever you do, do not kill yourself at all. Just because you feel like an outsider in your area of the country does not mean the same as feeling distraught just because others want you to.

Please hang on, Marknis. Don't buy into the b.s. idea that you are somehow "less than" anyone else, or that you don't, for any reason, deserve a life that you can be content with, though that life may not follow the same timeline as anyone else's. Don't stop seeking, but grant yourself patience.

Many people in this world may be living what appears to be a storybook life as they do all the traditional things at all the "right" ages and in the "right" order, but who-knows-how-many of them are just going through the motions. You are a unique person who doesn't need to color by the numbers--you don't need to meet anyone else's standards. Do what you can to embrace that, knowing in your bones that taking your own life will only guarantee that you'll never find out how good it might have been.

Please take what's being said by many people to heart, Marknis.

I know of at least one girl who has sent you a PM. I do know she has nice hair, and a nice face.

From one misfit to another, don't kill yourself. I'm an outsider in my part of Canada. I live in British Columbia and I have a German mindset. Remembrance Day is creeping up on me and I'm as scared as hell. You have problems with Rednecks and I have problems with proud Anglo-Canadians or WASPS as I like to call them. My mother doesn't help things, but I make my way through each day and I live on my own which is better for me than living with my parents would be.

I didn't think of Sheffield , that explains it. The largest city in Lincolnshire has less than half the population

of York. I think money for autism is going up generally not down so you should be ok but if you move know that it

will probably be very different.

I'm glad you didn't kill yourself Marknis.

30 is a nice age to be, my teens and twenties were a disaster. I changed jobs at 30 and at 33/34 I left home. I'm

not saying you should do the same just that it's not too late to make some changes though you will need to put more

into planning and preparing (if you are like me) than other people would. What do you think the main obstacles in

your life are.

Wow I never knew how big my area was! I just googled it, Lincoln is tiny!
Did you have to travel far for your assessment?

I'm glad we're (as a collective) likely to gain resources rather than lose them.