Believe in Yourself or you need to believe in yourself more!

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Believe in Yourself or you need to believe in yourself more!

Let's turn this BS around.  Do you believe in me?  Enough for you to hire me for any position at your company?  Even being a janitor?  If you don't have a company or own a business then pretend you do?   If you don't believe in me enough to hire me or give me the time of day then why in the f**k should I believe in myself?   Will my believing in myself change the outcome of your decision to hire me?   

Let's say the answer is no.  Why does it matter whether I believe in myself or not?   You as an employer or pretend employer is gate keeper.  You make the decisions who gets hired or not?   You guard the doors and have the keys.  Believe in yourself is BS!  (f**k, that should be a Penn and Teller BS episode).

Not exactly. While it's true that believing in yourself doesn't matter if no one else believes in you, it is easier for others to believe in you if you believe in yourself too. I mean let's say two people apply for the same job. Both have equally good papers for it, but neither has anyone who recommends them for the job. However, one of them is confident, saying "I can do this" and the other one is not and doesn't say it. So, the confident one actually has someone recommending them (the person themselves) while the one who doesn't believe in themselves has no one. While it might turn out that the less confident one would've been a better choice, they certainly don't look like it during the interviews and the other one gets hired.

It's an endless cycle, really. You say that how can people demand you to believe in yourself when they don't believe in you and they say how could they believe in you when even you who know yourself the best can't do it.

I think it depends on the person a little bit. Some people just need someone to have faith in them before they can have faith in themselves, while some others gather their faith in themselves from pure facts or what they think are facts. Neither is exactly the wrong way, but you don't need others in order to follow the later path so it might be easier.

Some people believe in themselves way too much

It depends.

If you project a negative image just by your low self-esteem and not by a lack of skill then yes, you can try to increase your self-confidence and see if it also effects how others view you.
At the very least other people's rejection won't get to you as much.

If you actually suck at a skill and that causes your low confidence, then you need to work on the skill before you can truly believe in yourself.
However, if you project confidence, some people will believe it even if you have zero aptitude.

If it's got nothing to do with you and only with how other people perceive you independent of your actions (that almost never happens, but ok...) then nothing will change it. But even then at least you're convinced that you're amazing and others who don't see it are a bunch of morons, which can be more redeeming than seeing oneself as a failure.

Either others see your amazing projection, or if they don't see it, at least you see it and they are idiots.
Isn't that more of a win in both situations than a defeatist attitude?

Tell me in which instance (apart from wanting to improve at something because you truly care about being skilled or self-preservation or being truthful to yourself no matter the consequences) it's advantageous to not believe in yourself?

What does "believe in yourself" have to do with getting a job? Really. Getting a job is a game of chance and hoping for the best.

I think "believe in yourself" means you have a 50/50 shot at something. No guarantees here. You can either chose to dwell on the failure side, or dwell on the successful side. Either way, you don't know which outcome will occur until you actually try, so, in the meantime, why not put stock in success?

I, honestly, believe that "believing in yourself" promotes a posture within yourself that aids in things like "getting a job," or "making a friend."

It's partially BS, yes. I'm not a believer in "positivity." Or some of that Norman Vincent Peale stuff---or self-help stuff. I don't read those sorts of books.

But I am a believer in "having faith in yourself." In basic terms.

Confidence not proportional to competence

how on earth is an aspie supposed to know if their "presence" is off putting or not?

If someone acts in a restrained way around you, and less uninhibited around everyone else. Or if someone avoids you, someone finds your presence off putting



On the other hand, there is no way to know how someone acts in your absence, because you are absent

Let's get down to brass tacks. It's not about believing in oneself or confidence. It's about being able to portray that one believes in oneself or has confidence as defined by others. This is one example out of other examples in which life is not what one makes it despite the claim. Others define the parameters, create the doors and keys, guard the doors and keys and define who gets the keys and who gets in or not. This is truth to power. You as an individual don't really get to define this in the USA despite the claim of be yourself and individualism.

Whenever NTs talk about "the self" in a general way, they're almost always talking about how one should present himself to others. Nothing at all to do with individualism, the exact opposite in fact.

As Aspies, we take a lot of these phrases literally, at face value, and think, "Gee, that sounds good, I like being myself!" But that's never what those phrases meant and it takes us a lot longer to learn these things. 'Read between the lines.'

Glad you've finally come around OP. Some Aspies never do.