We go through our day to day lives and mostly don't acknowledge how fragile life is and how quickly and irrevocably that can change. There is a gap where once there was a person, one you knew and one you appreciated. I am sure that part of the reason I sought out work in hospice was to get some kind of understanding and experience with death. I found that if I just sat with it (it being the feeling, the reality, the random firings of my mind) it settles into me and makes me more whole. Perhaps this will happen for you too.
((fifasy))
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The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot