My husband with Asperger's hates me

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andrealynndrake
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15 Mar 2019, 3:37 pm

I hate that I don't understand him.
I frustrate him. I want to try so badly but I just fail every time.
He wants to be polyamory and I just can't. He wants more kids but he already has two on the spectrum. I don't think it is a good idea to for him to have more kids but I don't even know how to say that.
He wants to divorce me and I just love him and I am having trouble letting go. I think being single and/or polyamourous for him would be a disaster.
Doesn't structure work best for Asperger's?

I thought it was interesting that there is a myth that folks with Asperger's prefer not to lie. My husband lies constantly. He cheats constantly, breaks boundaries, etc.

I know I will never be in a normal marriage, but is it possible to be in a happy one? How do I communicate with him better?



serpentari
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15 Mar 2019, 3:51 pm

we aspergerians come in many sorts and flavours. but this sounds like a psychopath, who might or might not be also AS. if he lies all the time, he could have lied about being autistic in the first place... also no, chaotic aspergerian is reality, u are reading one right now. there is nothing bad in a consentual poly relationship, tbh. as in, all participants are aware and agree. but if that is not ur cup of (whatever), then maybe u need to work on letting it go...


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League_Girl
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15 Mar 2019, 4:28 pm

andrealynndrake wrote:
I hate that I don't understand him.
I frustrate him. I want to try so badly but I just fail every time.
He wants to be polyamory and I just can't. He wants more kids but he already has two on the spectrum. I don't think it is a good idea to for him to have more kids but I don't even know how to say that.
He wants to divorce me and I just love him and I am having trouble letting go. I think being single and/or polyamourous for him would be a disaster.
Doesn't structure work best for Asperger's?

I thought it was interesting that there is a myth that folks with Asperger's prefer not to lie. My husband lies constantly. He cheats constantly, breaks boundaries, etc.

I know I will never be in a normal marriage, but is it possible to be in a happy one? How do I communicate with him better?



You're both not compatible. He doesn't agree with your standards and you don't agree with his so you both need a divorce and any kids he has with another woman will be his responsibility and not yours.

And is he even diagnosed?


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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15 Mar 2019, 7:29 pm

serpentari wrote:
we aspergerians come in many sorts and flavours. but this sounds like a psychopath, who might or might not be also AS. if he lies all the time, he could have lied about being autistic in the first place... also no, chaotic aspergerian is reality, u are reading one right now. there is nothing bad in a consentual poly relationship, tbh. as in, all participants are aware and agree. but if that is not ur cup of (whatever), then maybe u need to work on letting it go...


Yeah, someone who is constanting lying and cheating is unlikely to be on the spectrum because lying and cheating takes social skills that we don't have a good grasp of. This sounds more like a psychopath or narcissist than someone on the spectrum.