I want a baby

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I keep wanting to have a baby of my own. I know I often moan about babies, but I know I'll feel differently if it was my own, because you're in control of it more, and I think as a mother you get "tuned in" to your child's noises and habits. My cousin has a 2-year-old and I saw her the other day and the little girl was so cute and lovable, I felt like I wanted a child myself.

Hopefully my child will be NT, being so my boyfriend is NT and so are all his immediate relatives I have met so far all seem NT, so hopefully the NT gene he carries will be stronger than the faulty autism gene I carry, and the majority of babies are born NT anyway.

Only thing that's stopping me is my extreme fear of vomit. Morning sickness is common in pregnancy, and apparently giving birth is so painful that it can make you vomit, also I get squeamish when I think of vaginas opening to get a baby out, and I have low pain tolerance and anxiety. I could have C-section but apparently they hurt when you wake up and can weaken your muscles around your bladder, causing urine problems. I know there are drugs that can help with pain and sickness but I don't want to take any risks of my baby being harmed. Anyway, back to vomiting, do you think counselling could help me overcome my fear of vomiting? I feel embarrassed about it, because most people tell me I'm just being silly.

Men are so lucky they don't have to go through all this physical pain.

Therapy in general might help you deal with all of the issues that surround having a baby, not just the vomiting. (I have known a couple of mothers who didn't get morning sickness).

Kids and babies tend to throw up a lot too, do you think you could cope with that? I suppose any phobia can be lessened with treatment though.

My mom has told me that there is something that they give to you to reduce the pain, although it only works well for some people.

Given that I'm a teenage guy, I really don't have much helpful info I can give you beyond that

Yes, I am aware of babies and kids being typically prone to sickness bugs, which is also putting me off having a baby . That's how severe my phobia of vomiting is, it takes over my life. OK this might be TMI, so if you're eating then don't read this, but I know my anxiety of vomiting is because I'm a "loud vomiter", and every time I have ever vomited in my life I've had trouble bringing it up, and it caused pain and burning in my throat and sinuses. Last time I vomited I panicked for oxygen because of the amount of times I was involuntarily heaving, and suddenly my lungs contracted as a natural response to lack of oxygen, and of course it sucked a load of vomit into my lungs. It was a dreadful experience. I wasn't even lying on my back, I was leaning over the toilet. This vomiting was caused by norovirus, and wasn't that long ago. Otherwise, I'm not sick often, but when a stomach flu is going around I do get very panicky because some stomach flus are so aggressive, that no matter how many times you wash your hands or wear a mask, it's still hard to avoid if you are in the same environment as someone who has the bug.

Yes, in that case I think you would benefit from some counseling to help with the phobia(s) It would probably be helpful to you even if you decided not to have children.

I've tried looking up on Google of ways to vomit comfortably and easily, but all it comes up with is ways to make yourself vomit. I don't want to know how to make myself vomit, as to me I will only ever vomit if my body physically forces me to. So in these situations I need to know how to vomit more comfortably. I believe that people who aren't worried about being sick are the ones that don't have much trouble vomiting. I am not even a good burper.

im sorry to be a spoilsport, but u are not in control of child. they (not IT!! !) are in control of u. ur whole life during their infancy goes rounds the little tyrant. a baby is just a force of nature, and to much extent, so is a toddler. emetophobia will make like first 5-7 months hard. but those will end. and then the main PitA begins. days when i managed to just get most basic routines done without my daughter disrupting them and more often than not making a scandal in the process, are a rare treasure. when they are like 3 years old u learn to be grateful as hell when they are JUST playing their toys for a bit... think about that, first of all. personal space deprivation, sleep deprivation, constant sensory overload - those are flags of motherhood at least up to school age. think about that...

I also find kids cute and wish I could have had some.

I can't help feeling broody. My dad would love a grandchild, and my boyfriend says he wouldn't mind if I wanted a baby, even though he's 20 years older than me and got teenage children himself.

I just hate it when people on WP say "ohh you shouldn't have a baby, you don't like babies screaming in supermarkets, blah blah blah". Just piss off, OK? When a baby is screaming in a supermarket, I get distressed because, A, I don't know them so they're just a noisy screaming machine to me, B, I'm not used to babies, and C, I've just got to stand there and obviously can't do anything because it's not my kid. What I mean by control, I mean when it's YOUR kid, you're in control. When it's someone ELSE'S kid, it's an annoying little brat. So my anxiety of toddlers screaming is probably more of an irrational thing that can be 'cured'. There, is that perfectly clear???
When I'm around my cousin's toddler (although I don't see them much) I don't feel so agitated as I do when there's someone's toddler near me in a supermarket. I feel differently. I love her. So if I saw her more, I think I will overcome my toddler anxiety and be more tolerant of them in public.

serpentari why do you have to make everything sound like hell? I'm a 28-year-old female, so it's quite normal for girls my age to crave having babies. I'll be 29 this year, and I feel like my biological clock is ticking faster and faster. But I really think I ought to get some counseling to cure my emetophobia. I'd rather a hundred kids screaming around me than me vomiting.

This. Is. Motherhood.

Pregnancy and childbirth were not problems compared to these.

I think you should really think this through for a while before making a desicion to have a child 'cause once you're pregnant it can't be undone... I mean sure, there is always abortion, but that too has it's problems.

Seriously think of it for a while; think about why you want a child and if those reasons really feel like they'd be worth of all the risks you'd be taking and sacrifices you'd be making. Childbirth is always, always a risk to the mother's health, sometimes even life, no matter how healthy the mother is or where she gives birth. Taking care of a child, especially the first few years, is hard work and takes a lot of your time. You'll have less time to sleep, less time for hobbies... and the child also creates a big, long term gap in your budget, a gap that will grow as the child grows. Can you and your boyfriend afford a child? Is your boyfriend the kind you can trust to really help you with taking care of the child? I don't mean to sound rude, but I feel like it has to be asked since a lot of (older) women I know have pointed out how their partners never really helped to take care of the children.

Also, if you do decide to try to get pregnant, trying to get rid of the fear of vomiting or at least learning to tolerate it is something you really need to work on... how, I have no idea, but I'm sure someone has. And which is worse for you, the feeling of vomiting or the vomit and the idea of it in itself? If it's the feeling you get when you have to vomit then dealing with a baby's vomiting might be easier for you to handle.

As for C-section, I can't say I recommend it. I was born with C-section and I've seen my mom's scar, which is big. I have a lot of surgeries behind me and a few scars myself, a lot smaller ones than my mom's, but they too took long to heal and were painful for a long time, still are from time to time even though my last surgery was over four years ago. Besides, is it even possible to get a C-section without a special permission for health reasons? From what I know it isn't possible here, but maybe things are different where you're from. You might want to check that out.

And since the things you seem to be most nervous about are pregnancy and the act of giving birth itself, have you considered adoption? Do you want a child that's yours by blood or could that be an option? Also, if you adopted, you wouldn't have to worry about passing on your autism.

Anyway, I won't say that you should or shouldn't have a child of your own since I don't know you well enough to have an opinion about the matter. And in all honesty even if I did, it'd still be a matter between you and the father of the possible child. All I can really say is that you should seriously think about these things and weight options before making a decision.

In general, vomiting occurs normally during the first trimester. It generally is not much of a problem during the second and third trimesters.

It usually begins around the 6th week of pregnancy, peaks around week 9, and disappears by weeks 16 to 18. Although unpleasant, morning sickness is considered a normal part of a healthy pregnancy.

Source: KidsHealth / for Parents / Severe Morning Sickness (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) Severe Morning Sickness (Hyperemesis Gravidarum)

I am not adopting. I've looked up adoption in the UK, and there's loads of rules and policies, like you and your partner both have to be young, 100% healthy and very rich. It's nearly impossible.

Most low or middle working class couples have children and can financially cope. In the UK people with children won't be lured out on to the streets. Some get council tax support and other benefits. Some people even have children just for those reasons, although I believe that is very selfish and is obviously not the reason I want children.

I don't have phobia of vomit itself, I have a phobia of vomiting. So seeing a baby puke after too much milk is not anxiety fuel for me, but seeing a child puking randomly because of a stomach bug IS terrifying for me because I'm terrified of stomach bugs.

I am aware of the change babies bring you. I'm sure I will get used to it. I'm OK with change if it's my decision. And I'm sure my boyfriend will be supportive. His ex-wife ruined his previous marriage and his relationships with his kids, but I'm not like her. She had issues and insecurities that weren't addressed properly, and she cheated on my boyfriend, which caused a broken heart. But I won't do that.

Think again.

I think if you really want a kid you should do it. Don’t listen to people who don’t want kids or had kids and don’t want more.
Others would said you shouldn’t have a boyfriend and look you do, others say aspies can’t or shouldn’t work, shouldn’t go to college, shouldn’t own guns, shouldn’t drive, etc
World is full of people telling us aspies what we shouldn’t or can’t do. Freak all them.
If I let a woman who’d date me and wanted kids too I’d have kids. It’ll be tough but so what. It’ll be rewarding in the end.

I'm far from telling you not to have children.
I want you to make the best informed choice about it.
I have children because the call of nature was so strong in me... I knew I would make an awful, toxic single mom - so finding a suitable life partner and forming a healthy relationship was one of my priorities since I was 12. But nobody told me about overstimulation. I wasn't aware of how much my alone time is important for me until I lost it. I can't doze, I have great difficulty falling asleep so waking up several times in the night made me seriously sleep deprived, resulting in mental health issues I still carry.
A baby won't solve any of the problems you might have with yourslef or your partner. They is very likely to make them worse. So if there are any serious problems, solve them first.
Make a really honest talk about it with your partner.
And then, if you can take all this into account and you are able to prepare for as much as you can - children are great. They give you The Purpose.