Growing apart from a friend.

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Lately, I’ve felt a distance between a friend of mine. He hangs out with his friends, and never invites me. I understand why though, he says that I wouldn’t get on with them. Based on what he’s told me, I’m inclined to agree. However, I still feel a little down about it. Whilst I’m probably going to come across like a concerned mother by saying this, his new friends seem to be a bad influence. His behaviour has started to change for the worst, and he no longer seems interested in our shared interests.

I do get it. People change. I just never expected that he would go in the direction he has though. The friendship had a good run. I’m a little saddened that I never have friends to go with whenever I go to an event. So usually I end up going, awkwardly standing around and occasionally make small talk with a few people there.

Unfortunately, plenty of people already have established friendship groups so it can be difficult to strike up a conversation. I wish I had friends to go with, and that they could introduce me to new people. That feels more natural than going either on my own or with acquaintances that aren’t quite sure what to talk about with me.

You would think that at this point (almost in my second year of University) I would know quite a few people, but actually, I just have a lot of acquaintances and a few friends. Some of which seem to be outgrowing me and moving on with their lives. Others are too shy to be interested in what I am. Either that or busy/ working to a different schedule.

I’m sometimes told that I’m not making enough of an effort to make friends. The friend I mentioned before keeps telling me to try harder at it, but that’s easy for him to say when he has an incredibly social class and I don’t. Some friendships take longer than others to develop, so I don’t think it’s fair that I’m being blamed for not getting to know people quickly when the group is more private/reserved. I’m going to an open mic event soon, I might look a little odd going alone...but if I only went to events that my friends want to go to and can, then I’d never get to go anywhere.

Today I hung out with a friend that I don’t get to see very often. She remarked that my other friend should either shut up about how absolutely amazing his nights out are or invite me at least once. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind him hanging out with different people...but at the moment it comes across as being purposefully excluded from a party but being expected to be happy about it. Although, I wouldn’t want to go either due to all the drug use going on with his new friendship group. So I feel a little conflicted.

Anybody with your given name is friend material, in my book.

You have to stick to your guns. You should not hang out with that group which is a "bad influence" on him. I know you've been friends with him for a while, and that you will miss him should he distance himself from you. I feel it's his call, as well as your call. If your friendship is solid, he would be making overtures as well as you making overtures.

I feel like you will make decent friends with people who are in your class/your field of study. I feel these are the best friends you can make. Because you all have a common goal. And you want each other to succeed. And they might need help with something. And you might need help with something.

The most important thing, at this point in your life, is to obtain your degree. Even over having friends.

it so happens. ppl change. and sometimes change in a way, that disrupts past friendships. maybe its time to let it go. im sorry it is happening to u, it never is easy. hold on, please.

Update: We're still friends, but we're not as close. I'm happy with this though, and I knew this was coming. But I can't help but feel as though everyone else is moving on. I wish I had more friends in my year. But I'm getting there. I hate his judgement on the number of friends I have. There's nothing wrong with having three friends, and I am meeting more people gradually. Just because I'm not connecting with people automatically doesn't mean I've somehow failed.

I'm sick of having that same conversation with him. Yes, I get it, you're popular. Hip hip hooray for you.

Maybe next year I'll be more involved but I think I've met quite a lot of people. I just haven't emotionally connected with a lot of them. Perhaps with time I will. Or maybe I won't. There are some people that I don't get to see very often, but a friendship is starting to form with them. Apparently, that doesn't count. But you know what? This isn't a competition. It counts to me.

We're all living a different story. This is my life. Not yours. I've done fairly well with my work, sure I'm not getting as good a grade as you (my friend) but dammit it's progress for me. Sure, I might not have the active social life you (my friend) do, but I'm connecting with a few people and that's good enough. I do get lonely though. Sometimes I want to talk about a particular topic, but I know that my current friends wouldn't get it. Maybe I'll meet people who do at some point. I've still got a few more years of University to go after all.

u are a wonderfully secure person. wont let them put u down. and dont further on. u are feeling very right. they should not do that. they are transgressing, and maybe they are really not ur friend. its not about quantity, very right. its about quality. and only vain people would "collect" other people and brag their numerals, instead of focusing on what each person feels. and ya, i honestly dont keep track on other ppl's "quantity" pegs. i do make sure i know what worries them. what makes them feel better. and if it so happens, that i am somebody's only friend, that just makes my responsibility bigger. i am not something else. i am just a person, who gives a f**k. cheers. u are all right.