These things are annoying cos it's estranged dad's birthday

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Dad disowned me so...

These things wouldn't normally p me off so much but they are doing.

1 people making jokes about 'which Lisbon lion is next'. OK yeah they are kind of my heroes but it's not like I actually saw them win it live, I'm young

2 people dehumanising Lisbon lions. It's annoying me on more than just an intellectual level. It makes me wonder why people compare humans to animals? I don't mean their nickname, that's a prestige thing. I mean some idiot compared it to when his rabbit died. But like I said - they were only my distant heroes

3 Women patronising me. This woman patronised me today and called me a stupid name and it's like a last straw after being patronised by an old bloke this weekend. I am so fed up of being patronised just because I look young or because I'm aspie. But I do look young and she patronises everyone. And he's ancient.

4 Heterosexism. It's like people don't get to know me. I'm bi and butch. I get hit on more by women than men. Why not believe me in that instead of always obsessing over men? But then I suppose statistically there are more straight than gay people in the world so heterosexism makes sense.

5 being ignored. It annoyed me when dad disowned me too. I feel the need for some sort of attention. I'm not getting any.

6 downvotes on Reddit. It shouldn't get to me but it is doing.

7 My friend Seamy's assumption that I can just afford to do whatever I like when I'm on benefits. But then I guess I can always save up. And it's not like he isn't on benefits himself.

8 People's assumption that benefits milk the system. I had a breakdown and I'm slowly recovering. Get over being rude. But then I suppose, people don't know that.

9 Arrogant blokes like my mate Cathal who think every lad is gay and every woman is straight. Sod off. Even if they were, he stinks. So why assume everyone wants him? But deep down he's a nice guy and he deserves someone. Just not me, so not my type.

Basically I'm in a foul mood and all these things are annoying me but deep down I know it's cos this is the first time I know I can't say happy birthday dad. These things aren't linked, they're just linked in my mind to feeling ignored and neglected and deliberately provoked. I need to calm down and have some sort of reassurance that people do listen to me and do care about me as an individual.

And like Kraftie always says, I need to get off the internet cos only a few of those things happened offline. Mostly it's just online drama. The ones with names and the one with the woman, they happened irl. Mostly it's Reddit.

Just to help you feel better, here's a once-in-a-lifetime deal:

In 50 words or less, YOU and ONLY YOU get to take it all out on me.

No retaliations. No report button. No PM to the mods or tattle-tale posts. Let me have it.

Reason? My dad also treated me like crap. Then he died. In some weird way, knowing that someone else in a similar situation gets to blow off some steam lets me feel a little better.

@The Mods: 1 post only. This member only. This thread only. This day only.

Let 'er rip!

I'm still pissed off.

Tell you what it is.

The entire universe is telling me I'm a no-mark whose efforts will achieve nothing and who cares about things I have no business caring about.

Probably a common autistic feeling or socially anxious feeling but it just feels like I'm getting signs of it from everywhere.

I'm fed up of strangers who assume they know things by basing them on their own life experiences. I'm fed up of being treated like shite by Cathal cos of what happened with his mate. I'm fed up of the way that 18 years counts for nothing - might as well treat me like a 12 year old. I'm fed up of assumptions that I'm 'plastic' when I've taken threats. I'm actually fed up of being treated like a woman, especially a feminine one, that doesn't happen much offline but it keeps happening on here. Probably by misogynists and homophobes. I'm fed up of being ignored because of my interests.

So basically, nobody cares who I actually am, I'll never amount to anything in the world and I'm into things I have no right to be into. That's the message the universe keeps giving me.

I'm fed up of it.

You know, for me it all feels like... loneliness.
Like you would like to know some people who would care for the real you.

Yeah, Magz, that's exactly it.

I want someone to get to know the real me.

I wish someone would understand everything about me and still like me.

But I look 12-15 so...

I don't get why they can't just take 'I'm actually 30' as a sign they need to talk to me like an adult.

I do hope you feel better soon, TUF.

Thanks.