It's been a long few months

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It's been a while since I've last posted here. I must say alot has been going on.

I recently got back from a trip to New Haven ( First time I've traveled since 2017 after losing my nephew )

Before heading to Connecticut , I was on the verge of having a mental breakdown, I was dealing with sexual harassment at a place I volunteer at, reported it to different managers / supervisors. It was something that really made me feel uneasy.

A friend that has interest in me invited me to visit and stay for a few weeks to have a chance to get away from my day - to day life of things that were stressing me out. I took the offer. . .

Before catching the train to leave to head up north, I stressed out so bad because it was the first time I traveled alone, being away from home for so long, having to be around people I dont know, different area etc

I went to the store to purchase a CBD filter for my vape pen because my anxiety was extremely high and I know there was going to be so many triggers waiting to happen ( the reasons I listed above )

So after getting on the train and telling my mom " see ya when I get back " , I had a slight anxiety attack.......but when the train started moving, I got excited and was happy as crap knowing Im about to do something different and getting out of my hometown to clear my mental space.


( this part is kinda graphic )
Everything was going well, until I reached DC. ( mandatory layover for about a hour to switch the engine ) right after pulling out of DC, the train came to a complete stop. No one knew what was going on, one of the passengers talked to one of the workers on the train, turns out someone ran in front of a train and was killed. Not sure if it was a suicide or accident.

Talk about having this eerie feeling on the train I was on, and not knowing what was going on. Was stuck on the train for a extra 5 hours, it was sad, eerie.



Once I got to my destination I was so relieved to make it there alive. My experiences in New haven were great, had a really good time, I got out more, socialized, never did sleep because I felt energized. I clicked with my friend very well even though we did have our differences but it was nothing really major to cause a fall out. I made new friends in the area , I was extremely depressed on the day I left, to come back home I knew I was going to go back to being depressed.

Even though I plan on going back in a few months, I can honestly say I have something to look forward to. It's just hard to transition back to home where I live in a area where I feel as if I dont feel ok.

For example, I dont drive because of how intense my anxiety can mentally paralyze me and lead me to a accident and I dont want that to happen. The public transportation here sucks, and the diversity of people here barely exist. When I was up north I didnt have to worry about driving, I caught the train, bus, to NJ, CT, NY.

There was alot for me to do there that kept my mind off certain things and I lost alot of weight ( which was intentional )


Other than that it's been kinda hard over the past few days because my friend I was staying with, their mom had been in the hospital for kidney failure for 2 weeks, and is a cancer survivor, However she's back at home and doing alot better

Went to a specialist and have to get a hearing aid, which I happy about because my insurance for a few years wouldn't approve me to go to a specialist. After almost being hit by a car while on my vacation literally put so much fear on me and as soon as I got home I went to the docs for the referral.

I've also cut off some toxic family members whom are stuck in the same mental place but dont want to get themselves better. I love them still but I cant get myself better if I involve myself with those who dont want to get better or try to pull me down with them. I've noticed that with my cousin and as soon as I removed myself from trying to help them out , I became better overtime


There were a few friends that I haven't seen in 10 years that I reconnected with while I was up there, and one of them started dealing with drugs and other things, and 1 time while visiting him, I swear I felt off about something and my inner guy told me to leave ASAP, because he informed me something went wrong and tried to get me involved knowing it wouldnt have a good outcome for me. I left so fast, I was kinda hurt that they would think I would want to deal with that. But was glad to know so I can remove myself from the situation.


I've come a long way and still trying to move forward and I'm still continuing my therapy which helps out alot, was kinda bummed out due to my recent insurance changes, I had to get a new psychiatrist, I hated that because I sort of get attached , and start to open up to my doctors more after they've known me for a while, and now I have to start over again with another psychiatrist which will take sometime


Had a intense anxiety attack and my options were running low and BAM ! !! thought about this forum, so glad it crossed my mind

Glad to hear you were able to get a change of scenery for the better.

I drive almost every day, but it is OK because I rarely travel more than a few miles at a time.

I would love to get out of my home town for a while. I hope things continue to be okay for you.

Thanks for posting. You have done a lot and even had some adventures. It's good to have something to look forward to.

I am glad your trip turned out to be a success.