Anxiety is killing me this week.

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I have no idea what I'm going to do. If I'll get hired after my internship is anyone's guess. Same goes for my home life, either I have to move out & leave my cat to keep my job or there's nothing for it & I'm going nowhere.

I see most of my friends on rare occasions. Perhaps today will be an exception but that's not stopping the anxiety.

Sheesh. I don't know whether I should bump this thread, lock it or delete it.

anxiety is allways there. often to a grade of paranoia. have to get by. sorry, im tired. and out of good stuff right now.

I'm here cberg, if you want to chat.

I'm on my goodnight drugs so I won't be here for long but I want you to know I know the feeling, every minor or major success in my life is surrounded by anxiety.

Anxiety is hell. There are a number of ways to combat it that I could share, but you probably know them anyways.

Remember if you can: "This too shall pass"

with neural rig like mine, i can be hyper anxious about 7 things at a same time. at any given time. that being said, im relating to u cberg. but thats just as much as i can offer now, and im sorry. slept like 2 hours in past 2 days. i need more.

What do you mean by "leave my cat to keep my job or there's nothing for it"?

And like others, I basically have to deal w/anxiety about something every day, though some days are worse than others.

If I get a house closer to work I probably have to leave her with my dad since my friend already has an indoor cat & she needs the space. I basically only live here so she has mice to eat.

Anxiety is a terrible experience. There's always sort of a low level anxiety in the background. When it flares, for me it is crippling. Hang in there. Eventually it goes away.

Today my rigging amounts to black tea x 2, 1x coldbrew coffee, probably more caffeine I forgot before that & now I have to start sedating myself enough to do it all again. Software release testing is a serious thing. I have to reverse-engineer a product I thought I knew while it's constantly being rearranged. Luckily enough my bosses seem more understanding since a week or so ago. We're short-handed & I'm picking up a lot of slack.

I guess, if nothing else, I can take pride in my work. I make a lot of things possible that other people might not.

Before anyone asks me, yes I'm quite aware how bad caffeine is for anxiety. Thing is, work backlogs are dramatically worse for anxiety. So is not having my job if it comes to that.

Perhaps all my habits are terrible for anxiety but since when did anyone care how anxious nerds are? The world demands what it demands & not so many other people care to know anything about what I do, so there I am.

i didnt mean stimulators i consume, cberg. and i do a lot. i mean about how my specific brain works. yes, having no job is bad for anxiety, i confirm. so are many other things i have in my life. i dont know how to help u more, sorry. i gave u everything i could.

Oh, yes, software testing requires enormous memory, abstract imagination and meticulously systematic work!

I think I'm gradually realizing how badly my family treats me; it's always been that way. All they have for me is pressure & expectations. That's all I can ever discern anyway. Even if my parents are being nice to me, there's always a subtext of adding more pressure.

I just blocked my dad from my phone. He won't be allowed on there again for a good while.

If I were good enough for human contact people in real life would say so.

I'm avoiding people once more. There's no place for me around anyone.