Any aspies that live on their own

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Sarahsmith
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10 May 2019, 4:45 pm

The thought of being on my own without my parents help scares me. I keep going on and on about going into a group home. But the thought scares me to be honest. I worry about what it would be like getting groceries on my own. I’d have to get a cab. The problem with that is it could be bad weather. So I’d have to wait inside I guess but it’s hard to see because they always have shelves with stuff in front of the windows. Are there aspies here that don’t get their parents help but live on their own? I can’t get one of those life support things that help people with disabilities live independent because I live in a boarding house. I want to stay because I think it would be to hard to afford an apartment. Plus there are other stressors about living in an apartment that I don’t like. I might get help from a community support worker. They might help me get groceries I’m not sure I’d have to ask my psychiatrist. How do other aspies cope with being independent? Do you struggle?



BTDT
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10 May 2019, 7:55 pm

I did it steps, starting from a tiny one bedroom apartment. I now live with one lap cat in a single family home and do all the maintenance myself. It is great because I enjoy cooking and gardening.



breaks0
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10 May 2019, 8:17 pm

I used to have my own place from when I was 26 till I was 31 and damn at this point do I miss it! I wasn't diagnosed till 2 years ago so I had no clue why I had issues sustaining a job and such. My parents are gone now and I agree w/you Sarah, it's hard w/o immediate family. Do you have siblings or anyone besides your parents?

I basically haven't talked to my half sister (through my dad) since my mom died in 2011 and it hasn't been easy. But I have lived w/elderly people the last 15 years and I'm at the point where I don't even have my own room any more and it's just suffocating! In my experience living w/elderly people who aren't your family just drains the life out of you for a variety of reasons. I'm desperate in the next few years to get my own room at least and preferably an apartment, even a small one so I could take half my stuff out of storage and have it all home w/me would be enough, at least for a while. I am otherwise basically high functioning, so I don't have issues w/the mundane stuff (laundry, bathing, very simple cooking, getting around on public transit). I just can't really work which hurts my financial situation. Money issues can be a big thing for people on the spectrum.

If you prefer some sort of group housing you think for the foreseeable future, then by all means pursue that. You probably know best what you want/need in terms of where/how you should live. If you start exploring that sooner, the sooner you'll be prepared if and when your parents health is no longer as good as it sounds it is now. And that should alleviate some of your anxiety, no? Good luck!



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10 May 2019, 8:23 pm

I've lived in apartments since I was about 25. The one thing I check for is how much of my supplies I can get on-line. Groceries - I don't know how I ever did that. Now I order on-line and they deliver. Maybe if you Google the name of a big grocery store they would say if they deliver.

All the best!



Sarahsmith
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10 May 2019, 8:29 pm

Thanks for the responses. Sorry if my post was a bit rambly and incoherent. Had 2 cups af coffee this evening.

Yeah I do have trouble with stuff. Like coin laundry and taking a cab after buying groceries. Also I hate cooking and the kitchen here isnt very good for cooking. They will let me take a tour of a group home to see if Ill like it before I go in.

Im scared of what life will be like when my parents are gone. I dont have good connection with other family.

Im scared that the same resourses I have now wont be available in the future.

I worry about the future a lot.



Sarahsmith
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10 May 2019, 8:33 pm

Claradoon wrote:
I've lived in apartments since I was about 25. The one thing I check for is how much of my supplies I can get on-line. Groceries - I don't know how I ever did that. Now I order on-line and they deliver. Maybe if you Google the name of a big grocery store they would say if they deliver.

All the best!


Interesting idea but I think Im too dumb to order groceries online. Maybe if I had someone to show me the first time. Doing something lke that would scare me anyway. I dont even know how to put songs on my mp3 player. I have to get my dad to show me how to do that. Yes there are definately things I struggle with.



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10 May 2019, 8:39 pm

I'm getting much better at interacting with the people at the fish counter. Telling them how much I want and telling them what part of the fish I'd prefer. I may never go back to those greasy fish sticks!



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10 May 2019, 10:45 pm

I live on my own, it was a bit daunting at first but I'm glad I did as I have my Independence.
I catch the bus whenever I want to and do my shopping.
It helps if you have good neighbours nearby that will look out for you.



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11 May 2019, 5:55 am

I COULD live on my own, but not thrilled on all the expenses that will entail. Both I and my family are more financially stable living together right now.



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11 May 2019, 6:42 am

Well I do live on my own, but my parents live only a twenty minute car ride away so they'll be here fast in case of an emergency (assuming they aren't at work.) Mom usually drops by in every two or three weeks, too, and sometimes brings groceries to me, sometimes after I've asked and sometimes without asking. Dad doesn't, unless you count cookies and chocolate which he brings from time to time. They don't help me with my daily life ('cause I don't need it. If I did they'd either insist I come back to live with them or would try to get me in to a group home or one of those supported apartments or something), but there are sometimes some rarer tasks that I need their help with. Like when I took the fabrics of my couch off to wash them; the washing was easy and the ironing I could handle, but I couldn't get them back on! I needed mom's help for that... :lol: But well, I had a feeling that that would happen anyway. I just waited 'till the next time she visited and asked her to help. There have been other tasks where I've needed their help, like the time I thought my washing machine broke since it was full of water when I tried to use it, but after my parents took a look at it they saw that the pipes were simply jammed. They fixed it up and while it took a while it looked easy enough that I could learn it too at some point.

I think that one of the reasons I can manage is the fact that I started learning some basics, like how to pay bills online, a lot before I moved out. Another reason is that once out of my parents' house, I actually moved in with a relative. We both bought our own food and split the rent etc, but she taught me how to use the laundry machine she brought over (which became mine once we went separate ways), how to wash the toilet properly, how to cook several basic meals, how to maintain a kitchen and dishes (mom has said that some of her teachings were very wrong though) and so on. Recycling and separating trash was something I had to learn myself though; she was real lazy about that. :P Now I live on my own in a studio apartment (that same relative put a good word in for me to the landlord; otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to get this place since I was unemployed at the time) and while this is a bit too tiny, it works without any bigger complaints. I struggle a little, but I think majority of people do so with some things.

Can I ask how old you are? Also, why would you need a cab to get to a grocery store? Are they so far away? If so, isn't there a place that you could live that would have a grocery store nearby?



AprilR
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11 May 2019, 6:46 am

I live alone, but my mom helps me with cooking and cleaning. This has more to do with how i work 50 hours a week though and less with my aspergers. I used to cook and clean on my own before i started work.



Sarahsmith
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11 May 2019, 11:20 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Well I do live on my own, but my parents live only a twenty minute car ride away so they'll be here fast in case of an emergency (assuming they aren't at work.) Mom usually drops by in every two or three weeks, too, and sometimes brings groceries to me, sometimes after I've asked and sometimes without asking. Dad doesn't, unless you count cookies and chocolate which he brings from time to time. They don't help me with my daily life ('cause I don't need it. If I did they'd either insist I come back to live with them or would try to get me in to a group home or one of those supported apartments or something), but there are sometimes some rarer tasks that I need their help with. Like when I took the fabrics of my couch off to wash them; the washing was easy and the ironing I could handle, but I couldn't get them back on! I needed mom's help for that... :lol: But well, I had a feeling that that would happen anyway. I just waited 'till the next time she visited and asked her to help. There have been other tasks where I've needed their help, like the time I thought my washing machine broke since it was full of water when I tried to use it, but after my parents took a look at it they saw that the pipes were simply jammed. They fixed it up and while it took a while it looked easy enough that I could learn it too at some point.

I think that one of the reasons I can manage is the fact that I started learning some basics, like how to pay bills online, a lot before I moved out. Another reason is that once out of my parents' house, I actually moved in with a relative. We both bought our own food and split the rent etc, but she taught me how to use the laundry machine she brought over (which became mine once we went separate ways), how to wash the toilet properly, how to cook several basic meals, how to maintain a kitchen and dishes (mom has said that some of her teachings were very wrong though) and so on. Recycling and separating trash was something I had to learn myself though; she was real lazy about that. :P Now I live on my own in a studio apartment (that same relative put a good word in for me to the landlord; otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to get this place since I was unemployed at the time) and while this is a bit too tiny, it works without any bigger complaints. I struggle a little, but I think majority of people do so with some things.

Can I ask how old you are? Also, why would you need a cab to get to a grocery store? Are they so far away? If so, isn't there a place that you could live that would have a grocery store nearby?


I can walk to the grocery store but its on the way back with all the groceries I need help with. I like to buy enough to last me the month so I dont have to make multiple trips.



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11 May 2019, 11:29 am

One cannot possibly carry a month’s worth of groceries without a car. Even a week is difficult if you have to climb stairs.

I’ve lived on my own since age 20.



blackicmenace
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11 May 2019, 11:36 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
One cannot possibly carry a month’s worth of groceries without a car. Even a week is difficult if you have to climb stairs.

I’ve lived on my own since age 20.

Welcome back, it's good to see you!


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kraftiekortie
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11 May 2019, 12:07 pm

Thank you.



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11 May 2019, 12:11 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
I can walk to the grocery store but its on the way back with all the groceries I need help with. I like to buy enough to last me the month so I dont have to make multiple trips.


I see... personally, I use one of those bags with wheels that I can just drag behind me. Makes grocery shopping a lot easier... could you try that too and go shopping a bit more often? You wouldn't need to worry about getting a ride... Or is it simply too overwhelming to go, say, weekly? Or every two weeks?