Coping Experiences

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What do some men with asperger's do to cope with the isolation and inability to find a romantic partner? Or also the long periods of time when you are single? I can't just assume you have always been single! You can elaborate in great detail on all the ways you cope and how much it helped to reduce whatever stress you have.

I cope, but I still put in effort to find a partner. I am still finishing college and have tried making friends with women in class or at clubs, but little success.

Some times of the day I'm free to type posts on here and connect (hopefully) with other people with similar issues.

A psychiatrist has put me on one of the most interesting drug regiments to manage despair and anxiety. Won't go into too much detail, but can say the medications have helped quite a bit. I say despair and not depression as I'm not diagnosed with any mental illness, and don't think I have any since despair and anxiety are things universally experienced by all people on the planet. They do what they need to do and relieve pain that distracts me from the things I need to get done such as school, working part-time, and playing music.

I meditate a few times a week, but it's not scheduled for certain days. Do it as needed when stressed. My simple way to meditate: I lay flat on my bed with arms and legs stretched comfortably, close eyes, breath slowly and remember nostalgic memories such as walking on the beach back home. That's it. It helps a little bit.

Playing music helps as a distraction. I have played piano for a while and practice classical pieces. Soothing to the brain and dissociative.

I get angry of being alone. I yell in the shower some nights when the anger gets bottled up! Masturbate a ton each day to relieve the sexual frustration. I also do a lot of weight lifting and chin ups. Keep my body fit and try and make it more massive. I like the feeling of getting stronger and bigger. These are the more intense ways I cope.

In my first post I stated that finding a partner seems like a lottery. No magic formula. I bought into a lot of exaggerated claims by gurus who thought they had the answers to not finding a partner: PUAs, new age therapists, and red pill cult leaders. I think their claims were mostly nonsense! Not everyone is destined to find a partner.

Please share anything!

First off, I would not say it is a given that you will never find a mate. I say that from experience. I am married and have been for over 45 years.

I went on a total of 2 dates during high school. In college I went on only a few. My studies took my priority and I figured that once I finish college I will push dating to the top of my agenda. The interesting thing is that many of my classmates had almost a decade into serious dating before I even began. So all their successes and failures that they went through, I didn't have. I was just a beginner after college. So don't get too discouraged. If you have the will and the drive, generally you can find a way.

When your body feels threatened it releases a cascade of hormones and other chemicals into your limbs. If these are not used up, they are stored in the nervous system and muscles. Screaming in the shower is actually a good thing, because it vents the stored stress energy in your 5th limb, your neck. But that leaves the other 4 limbs.

The middle layer of the brain within the Sympathetic Nervous system controls the “fight or flight response”. When an individual encounter a threat, they either flee or attack. Unused stress energy builds up in your muscles and nervous system. This stress energy needs to be purged or it will slowly damage your body. This can be done by exercise but there is a secret here. Most exercise only reduces stress for a few minutes or hours. You need to purge this energy so that the effects last for days, week, and months. In order to do this it requires an extreme vent. You need to simulate being chased by a tiger, literally chased by a tiger.

An example of exercise that will purge deep stress (exercise in which maximal oxygen uptake is 100%), is to perform ten 6-second maximal sprints (a 50-yard dash), running like a bat out of hell with a 30 second recovery between each sprint. [This emulates the flight response in a panic.]

A similar approach can be used to purge stored stress energy from the arms long-term. Use a punching bag, speed bag or even a pillow as a target. Strike the object as fast as you can and as many times as you can in 6 second burst. Move your arms/hands so fast that they become a blur. Perform ten (6-second burst) with a 30-second recovery time in-between. You don't need to punch the bag hard, a light touch will do. It is the intensity and speed that counts.

Great advice. I don't sprint much, and will have to do that more. And I've done sprints before with a partner and it definitely made me feel relaxed for a couple days after, but was long time ago. Sprinting is really difficult and my whole body feels wrecked and the adrenaline rush is intense. Not like jogging which to me is boring and not as thrilling. I will try and add in a sprint day once a week and possibly increase frequency over time. May post an update on here later.

There is a track field near where I live and a park too.

Funny you mention punching bag, because I recently just ordered one to practice boxing for cardio at home. For fat loss while bodybuilding. So I'm set with that.

Your knowledge on the brain is good. I take your word for it. I've heard some info on the flight/fight response from other people.

Thanks for the hope on me possibly finding a partner.

Do NOT Masturbate to relieve loneliness, would you use gasoline to put out a fire? NO! Masturbation makes loneliness 200% more acute. Masturbation plus porn consumption is probably the biggest thing holding young men back as it keeps men subdued in a lethargic state of apathy mixed in with loneliness and isolation, stay FAR away from those things.

I had a HIGH desire for a romantic relationship after me & my 1st girlfriend broke up when I was 20. I was single for the next 8 years before I got my 2nd girlfriend & shortly after she broke up with me, I got my current. Anyways... I was VERY frustrated when I was single & felt like I would never find another girlfriend cuz of my various disabilities. I dealt with things in different ways. One of them was trying my very best to find a girlfriend despite the fact I knew my odds were very low. I joined LOTS of dating sites including paid 1s. I tried to meet women on forums & other social type sites, I tried to meet women offline through work & a support group, & I tried getting friends to help set me up. I was going through a bad depression over my 1st realtionship ending & I started seeing a psychiatrist & taking meds. I joined a support group for people with depression, anxiety, & bipolar. I also cried alot listening to sad realtionship songs & thinking alot. I posted about things aLOT too.

The psych meds helped hold me together while I worked on myself some. Being around people weather by the support group, working, & posting about things online; helped me feel less alone. The downside of the psych meds was that they were contributing to my depression in the end & I actually felt better after I weaned myself off of them thou I am sure they helped some things. I got off of them because I lost my 3rd which was my last job due to a tremor disorder that the meds were making worse. (I'm on other meds nowadays that I researched myself & asked my GP to put me on them. I did things one at a time & I am better on them). The support group was good but barely any regular members & only one person around my age. She was a girl but had a boyfriend & was dealing with drug & alcohol problems & those problems were part of the reason me & my 1st girlfriend broke up. I quit going cuz I wanted to work more & shortly after the support group was discontinued. Working was good but I became a workaholic when I was working. I was working about 65 hours a week when I was allowed to make overtime & we were shorthanded. This is not counting my hour lunch breaks. I was hoping I would be more appealing to women by working but I was mostly working cuz it was something to do other than feeling the depression & loneliness. I felt I kinda burned myself out at my 2nd job & problems with management really stressed me out. I should of started working alittle less when the stress got bad instead of pushing myself even more. I couldn't deal with things eventually & quit. Posting about things helped me analyze things/sort things out, relive stress by getting things out of my system, get advice from people who been there, let me feel like I wasn't so alone by hearing from others who related, & getting support that helped me see things from a different perspective. However the posting came off to others as constantly complaining & whining after a while when that was my my intent at all & people started ignoring me at best & calling me a troll & petitioning to have me banned at worst. I voluntarily left those places which eventually lead me to this forum. Posting alot about what I wanted in a partner, had to offer a partner/way I treat her, & way I am within a relationship helped me get my 2nd girlfriend. She replied that she was wanting similar & we PMed abit & got in a relationship. Shortly after we broke up my current sent me a PM after reading lots of my posts for a bit.

To cope with lonleyness I go out almost every day. I go to a soup kitchen to socialize, then I go to a mall for a coffee. Sometimes I go swimming at an indoor pool.

I also feel like getting a partner would be a stroke of luck. Im not sure how to get a guy. I watch ASMR videos on youtube every night to calm me down. One of the guys that does ASMR is really cute and into the same things as I am. So it drives me nuts that I will never meet him. Still I think its healthy to fantasize about being in a relationship.

There is nothing wrong with masturbating every once in a while. I couldnt do it every day but maybe its different for guys. I actually think guys are supposed to masturbate for health reasons.

I am planning on joining a support group with both NTs and Aspies. Looking for one with cheapest price per session. NY it's not easy to find affordable ones. One guy charges $225.00 for consultation. Ridiculous. Some are probably just money-hungry people using support groups under guise of helping people with disabilities to make good profit. I don't normally listen to lyrics in songs. If I am hearing one, I mostly just hear the sound of the voice along with instrumentals. Actually, I often don't listen to pop songs or any kinds of songs with lyrics.



Joke! I went to some groups for people on autism spectrum and it seemed like a sausage fest. Told by group leader a couple women were planning on attending, but never did the whole time group operated. The ones I'm considering going to now are a mix of both diagnosed and average folk with no diagnosis but who have social anxiety problems as well. So possible there will be some women.

I understand your reason for working overtime. Personally, I wouldn't do that. I don't think work ethic is always appealing to women. Then again, I don't know much about all that appeals to women. It sounded like a good way to distract yourself from the despair and loneliness.



That's also why I left reddit. Often had trolls commenting on my posts, or people throwing subtle insults at me or belittling me. Even if I tried to be both humble and show responsibility for some issues, while also complaining on the difficulties, people basically said I was guilty and something was wrong with me alone. Reddit is not really a good place to get advice. It attracts trolls, imbeciles, and online bullies/harassers who probably get a dopamine rush from making fun of anyone who posts something about their struggles. The moderators have strange rules on many subs. I also felt I was ostracized. I think this is common for any poster, but people would comment once and I'd reply and never hear from them again. I refer to these types as floater posters; they post something antagonizing or short and curt and then move on to the next new post. That's their daily life on the internet. I know, because out of curiosity I checked some of posters profiles and notice that a few minutes or hours after they commented on my post they already posted on 5-10 other new posts. I think they have no real life outside digital playground.

Awesome that you found a person to be with on here. I have no same expectations as I am just here to post and share experiences and hear other people's experiences. For past few months this semester at school I've been mostly alone studying, working, and doing my solo hobbies. School is mostly cold and unwelcoming and everyone seems to already be in cliques who aren't open to newcomers especially if they seem socially weird. This, and a bodybuilding forum, are only places I post to talk with others online.

How do you go about socializing? You just approach people you see and start a conversation? Swimming is so relaxing and fun!

I fantasize about women who I most likely won't be with or are made up in my head. Usually late at night before sleep while hazed off of a sleep/relaxing medication.

Have you made a dating profile online? I hear that the odds are in most women's favor when it comes to receiving interests and likes by male profiles. I don't know exact numbers, but I hear that a woman will continue to receive a high volume of message as long as she remains active on site. You get to choose who you want to chat with based on whether they seem compatible with you. Men are the ones competing for the women.

I hear masturbating in moderation is healthy by some medical experts. I could've kept that to myself. A lot of guys are into the nofap thing. They say it changed their life and turned virgins into casanovas. I don't know if it's true. I think one needs to do more than stop masturbating if they want sex or a relationship. Confidence, a better liking of themself, and having interesting things to offer women say a hobby they enjoy, or stories to tell say of their travels to other countries.

The people I socialize with have approached me first so it made things easy for me. I havent made any true friends there though.

I have tried a dating site before. Got guys talking to me but I was to terrified to meet anyone in person so I deleted my account.

I don't feel like quoting & the system won't let me make too many quotes anyways so I'll just post.

I hope you have good luck at the support group rhoades.

I fantasize about a celeb crush I don't know how to be with yet. I started fantasizing about her when I was single & it did go away when I was in my 2nd relationship & for the 1st year or so when I started my current. It came back thou & ideally I would be married to her & my girlfriend but if I had to chose I much rather be with my girlfriend. I still want to be in Miranda's life thou like as a friend, personal assistant, body guard, something.

As for the quitting masturbating thing, I think it worked out well for some because they devoted a lot of time & energy towards it that they used for other things after they quit.

nick007

No problem!

Who is this celeb? Coincidence; one of mine is also a celeb. Bodyguard! If you are big then go for it. Or bodybuild and take steroids.

And joking of course. Don't do steroids!

What people dont' realize is that the sex impulse can be starved out, it will take some months but eventualyl the brain will stop fantasizing and move on. This is what makes the loneliness less acute since the brain is no longer looking for a parter to fulfill that desire. IF people sate their loneliness with masturbation then the loneliness will compound itself because you're tricking the brain into thinking it has a suitor, when the reality is that it has nothing but the phantom of a desire, which after the climax, will make the person feel empty and lonely.

All this can send people down some pretty nasty slopes of self-destruction if they end up combining it with pornography which will require greater and yet greater perversions to relive the initial dopamine rush.

I can personally attest to it, I haven't abused myself in 2+ years and I've gotten much sharper in all my hobbies and less focused on women. People must not sate lonelinesss with illusions because it will make them miserable after the spell wears off, masturbation feeds into this illusion, do NOT do it.

Sir yes sir!

I masturbate and do not feel lonely after climaxing. Maybe its different for guys.

Match.com

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Resignation

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