I feel like I'm becoming even more withdrawn

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RetroGamer87
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18 May 2019, 4:15 am

I was always an introvert but lately I've been taking it too far. Not that I chose to take it further. This is happening involuntarily.

It used to be at work I would only socialise with half a dozen people. Yesterday I was in a room with all of them at a morning tea event and I couldn't talk to any of them.

They all seemed like alien creatures. They might as well be another species. How could I talk to them? What does an ant say to a man?

In a strange contradiction, while I had an unshakable feeling of being inferior to them, I also thought most of their conservations were vapid. Much of it was about pop culture. I could introduce a new topic of conversation that has more meaning to me but what if they don't like it? What if they think my ideas are foolish and they feel like I broke social protocol by prematurely changing the subject?

I used to get depressed about the whole don't have a girlfriend, don't have a job thing. But now I have a well paid job and a girlfriend who's actually quite attractive. I won. And for a while I felt happier. And now I don't.

I have all the stuff that the me of 5 years ago dreamed about. 5 years ago I thought I was depressed only because I had no job and no girlfriend and that getting those things was the only requirement for my happiness.

Now I'm miserable, I have everything that I want and I don't know what would make me happy. My earlier bought of depression was easier because at the time I felt like I knew precisely what would make me happy. I just had to get it.

I went home from yesterday and felt this overwhelming anxiety. Like a tangible thing. It almost felt like the clouds were going to fall on me. I stared out the train window watching the sun set. Normally I like sunsets but this time there was something cold and sinister about seeing streaks of blood red sky between weighty black clouds.

There was an election today. I found it horribly depressing. There was this one particular policy introduced by the ruling party that I disliked. I had been planning to vote for the other major party in hopes they would rescind it but recently I read a press release in which they said they would not rescind this policy, even though they'd spent the last 6 years saying it was bad.

I felt like the whole election was a waste of time because no matter who won the election I was going to get the same exact thing.

Image


I know that democracy was created to give us a way to protect ourselves from dictators but at the moment it feels like I've been told I'm going to be attacked by a dragon and then given a plastic fork to protect myself with. I'm powerless in society and powerless over myself.

I keep trying to lose weight. Every day I wake up and say I won't eat much today but then I get hungry and I eat a whole lot. Maybe I don't have enough self-discipline or maybe I'm in a special Hell designed by Ted Danson in which my desire to lose weight is in direct conflict with my instinct to eat.

Image

Pictured: the devil


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kraftiekortie
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18 May 2019, 6:27 am

You’re probably too smart for your own good.

All you can do is pursue what you’re interested in. Hang out with that person who took that photo of you in that trench coat.

Enjoy the view from your terrace.

Get in touch with Nature.

It’s becoming winter where you are. Adelaide tends to be grey and rainy. Could that be part of your Down-ness?



TwilightPrincess
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18 May 2019, 8:05 am

I can relate although I don’t really have anything good going on in my life right now.

I think your post says something that is relevant to this community overall. Sometimes we think that if we get a relationship, job, or whatever it is we think we need we’ll be happy, but that’s not necessarily the case.

I’m not exactly sure what the solution is.


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brandocommando
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18 May 2019, 1:19 pm

I have been having issues with the whole political environment myself. I see these people on TV and Youtube and think to myself "What the hell is wrong with these people?" I don't understand why they do not see how easy it is to fix things. Connecting the dots is easy for me, and in my head it just takes some simple logic for this to get fixed. I feel, at least in my own head, that the problems could all be easily solved, then I remember that things like abortion are easily quantified for me and the conclusion I come to is simple, but people FREAK out when they hear my ideas on how easy it is to save us via abortion and people should not get so upset, all they need to do is read the science behind it. I supported one candidate and the ideas they had, but I am at the point now where I can't tell who is trying to play me, it's gotten difficult. I used to avoid politics by avoiding it at all costs. I feel exactly the same way as you concerning elections and it is most definitely depressing to see the entire planet crumble and feel like people have zero connection to what is really going on, like am I the only person who see's through this B.S.? Thanks for sharing, knowing I am not nuts, crazy or alone helps.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I was always an introvert but lately I've been taking it too far. Not that I chose to take it further. This is happening involuntarily.

It used to be at work I would only socialise with half a dozen people. Yesterday I was in a room with all of them at a morning tea event and I couldn't talk to any of them.

They all seemed like alien creatures. They might as well be another species. How could I talk to them? What does an ant say to a man?

In a strange contradiction, while I had an unshakable feeling of being inferior to them, I also thought most of their conservations were vapid. Much of it was about pop culture. I could introduce a new topic of conversation that has more meaning to me but what if they don't like it? What if they think my ideas are foolish and they feel like I broke social protocol by prematurely changing the subject?

I used to get depressed about the whole don't have a girlfriend, don't have a job thing. But now I have a well paid job and a girlfriend who's actually quite attractive. I won. And for a while I felt happier. And now I don't.

I have all the stuff that the me of 5 years ago dreamed about. 5 years ago I thought I was depressed only because I had no job and no girlfriend and that getting those things was the only requirement for my happiness.

Now I'm miserable, I have everything that I want and I don't know what would make me happy. My earlier bought of depression was easier because at the time I felt like I knew precisely what would make me happy. I just had to get it.

I went home from yesterday and felt this overwhelming anxiety. Like a tangible thing. It almost felt like the clouds were going to fall on me. I stared out the train window watching the sun set. Normally I like sunsets but this time there was something cold and sinister about seeing streaks of blood red sky between weighty black clouds.

There was an election today. I found it horribly depressing. There was this one particular policy introduced by the ruling party that I disliked. I had been planning to vote for the other major party in hopes they would rescind it but recently I read a press release in which they said they would not rescind this policy, even though they'd spent the last 6 years saying it was bad.

I felt like the whole election was a waste of time because no matter who won the election I was going to get the same exact thing.

Image


I know that democracy was created to give us a way to protect ourselves from dictators but at the moment it feels like I've been told I'm going to be attacked by a dragon and then given a plastic fork to protect myself with. I'm powerless in society and powerless over myself.

I keep trying to lose weight. Every day I wake up and say I won't eat much today but then I get hungry and I eat a whole lot. Maybe I don't have enough self-discipline or maybe I'm in a special Hell designed by Ted Danson in which my desire to lose weight is in direct conflict with my instinct to eat.

Image

Pictured: the devil



RetroGamer87
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18 May 2019, 11:35 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s becoming winter where you are. Adelaide tends to be grey and rainy. Could that be part of your Down-ness?
I don't know. I don't really like summer much either. Aside from the heat, I don't like in summer everything outdoors looks so bright I can barely see it. The world looks like an overexposed photograph.

Twilightprincess wrote:
I think your post says something that is relevant to this community overall. Sometimes we think that if we get a relationship, job, or whatever it is we think we need we’ll be happy, but that’s not necessarily the case.

I’m not exactly sure what the solution is.
Maybe it has nothing to do with getting a relationship or a job. Maybe it all comes down to being born with the right brain chemistry to be naturally happy. Is happiness a response to positive things in our environment or is it something the brain produces internally?


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magz
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19 May 2019, 7:42 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I think your post says something that is relevant to this community overall. Sometimes we think that if we get a relationship, job, or whatever it is we think we need we’ll be happy, but that’s not necessarily the case.

I’m not exactly sure what the solution is.
Maybe it has nothing to do with getting a relationship or a job. Maybe it all comes down to being born with the right brain chemistry to be naturally happy. Is happiness a response to positive things in our environment or is it something the brain produces internally?

That's also interesitng and relatable part for me.
Even in the goups that probably did welcome me, I've always felt I didn't really fit. It bothered me for all my childhood and teens that my expiriences with people were "wrong". I just couldn't have fun with others the way it was described in books, movies, songs and memories of adults.
Now I understand my brain is different and my fun is also different. I can have fun but not the ways extroverted culture considers fun.

The other thing is, I operate on low energy. I'm rarely "happy". I'm more often content - without excitement or enthusiasm but enjoying the moment. I think the Anglo-Saxon culture undervalues this emotion.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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19 May 2019, 5:24 pm

Someone could respond negatively to your conversation

Even if you didn't do anything wrong


"Outgoing" sounds like a good thing on:

Job description
Obituary
Dating ads
Character witness



But maybe being "withdrawn" is not as bad as some precious lil "people" act like it is


"Actions speak louder than words "


"Loose lips sink ships"







:mrgreen:



As counselor Jeanne Courtney told me ", you are ok the way you are. People should not hurt your feelings"





:roll:




JD Salinger (the catcher in the rye) . Emily Dickinson. Sylvia Plath. Withdrawn.


They were successful



:D