Sometimes I wonder if I am actually a bad person.

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I've been through a lot, and I've spoken about it quite extensively on Wrongplanet, and I'm forever thankful for the advice I've gotten here. Even though it's all in the past, I often wonder if I truly was such a bad person in the past.

When I was 7, I was routinely chastised by one of my teachers. Whether I came in late, or that one time I missed registration, or if I couldn't follow out an instruction properly, I was yelled at for it in front of the whole class. She would always tell me that I'm such a difficult person and that I've always been like that. Granted, I know that I messed up several times by sometimes speaking inappropriately, sometimes lying about things, or being rough to others, but I don't know if that's the way you should be speaking to someone. Needless to say, she was eventually fired. I'm often told that she was just doing her job, but I very much disagree.

Fast forward to age 9, I'm again put into speech therapy classes. The speech therapist tells my teachers and parents that I'm being too obsessed with cars and repeating things I hear and see from other people, and it's disruptive. I'm again told that she was just doing her job.

Now this is where all the drama starts. Middle school and high school. I'm barred from touring students around middle school for having a "negative attitude" to the school, even after all the times I've reformed, had a positive attitude to things, and had a much more positive interaction with my peers and teachers, which was something I was having difficulty doing back then. I don't know what else they could be asking for.

Then I'm again badgered for quitting a school activity and the same people tell me that I can't graduate from school because I would find it stressful and tiring. My mother was very annoyed with the way they badgered her about me quitting an activity, and so was I. She even told the teachers that I will graduate from school, and there's nothing you can do to stop us. I admire her for sticking up for me. I'll also admit that I wasn't innocent either because I lied to the school principal that one of my teachers was badgering me about it again, which forced the school to not speak to me again. I didn't know what else to do because she was always annoying me about the smallest of things, whether I got annoyed with a classmate, whether I had a meltdown, or whether I disagreed with a teacher on something.

I really don't know if I'm a bad person. I've become much more mature than before, but this is something I needed to get off my chest.

You seem like the kind of kid I was.

I never thought I was a “bad” kid.

Are you still in high school?

No I'm not in high school anymore. I graduated 6 years ago.

The most important thing:

How do you treat people as an adult. More than how you treated people as a child/adolescent.

I treat everyone with respect generally, and I do tend to disagree but in a way that doesn't seem rude or abrupt.

I mean, as a kid, I know I had my limitations but I don't know if I'm a bad person overall because of what I did back then.

It’s how you treat people TODAY that is most important.

Not many kids consistently treat people all that well. Even “good” kids.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 16 Jun 2019, 8:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

I understand. If anything, all those experiences back then showed me who to not be.

I'm not happy about it, but that's one plus that I can take from it.

Honestly I believe that if you are questioning rather or not you are a 'bad' person then you really aren't a truly bad person.

People who are truly bad never think of themselves as being bad. They don't care who they have hurt and they never question their actions.

And even nice people or good people will do hurtful things to other people sometimes. It's just part of being human, we all make mistakes.

Last edited by TheRevengeofTW1ZTY on 16 Jun 2019, 8:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Right, but even then, it can have a profound impact on you, especially if you're young and inexperienced in the game of life.

Believe me I understand. I have bipolar disorder and I have done lots of sh***y things I'm not proud of myself.

I feel you there. My high Scholl experience was simply overwhelming and it did get to me.

To this day, I still often ask myself why it happened the way it did.

It’s part of growing up and learning.

I suppose so. I'm not a bad person, am I? Not trying to seek validation, just having an ordinary conversation.

You’re “bad,” say, if you rob somebody just for the thrill.

You may be unaware by yourself being receiped quite negatively. Try to ensure a good mood once you are talking to somebody or looking at somebody. NT people sense your feelings and feel negative towards you once you show a bad mood and no positive emotions towards them.