Life is not for me

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Everyone lives like a boss. as a loser im comparing myself with others and i see how miserable i am. i cant stop these thoughts and i cant do anything about my life. im stuck in this world i didnt want to exist, i envy other people who are social and they talk with each other. i havent made a friend since 2013.

medications dont work, i dont know the reason of my existence. is it suffering, i dont know. i have nothing except pain but i will keep living for a few more years

I'm pretty screwed up compared to a lot of people.

But I really try to not compare myself to them.

My advice is to do what you like to do----as long as you don't hurt someone else.

Don't give up. Learn the things that you enjoy and are gifted at. Sometimes this takes time. It took me about 38 to 40 years of explorinh my love for model railways to find my niché... My speciality... Before that it was all about trying many different things in the hobby... And now I have found what I like I am loving it! And the strange thing is that in some of the model railway sites I have I have a following. Strange as I am not especially tallented. I just have my own style...And this style which has come after many years is what I believe attracts...
With bicycles I have a similar approach. I have found what I like... Get the idea? The same way you can relate this to any subject. And be in no rush. Just enjoy exploring... And when you have explored, find out your own special area you enjoy, and make it blossom forth!

Don't compare yourselves to others except to give things a try to see if you can do them... But don't compare to others. If you enjoy it, go for it!

Something that may help. Look up and read about Cyndi Lauper. She said she would sing because she enjoyed it. Lots of peopke told her she was no good, but she ignored rhem. She said "I like it so I do it".
This is really good advice. As long as what you like is innocent and fun, go for it!

How do you know how others are living? Plenty of people struggle with plenty of different things. Viewing the world through the tinted lenses of everyone is living life the way they want and is happy but me is a very counterproductive and fallacious way to view the world. If you're getting the impression that everyone has these great lives from posts and pictures you're seeing on social media, I'd point out that people tend to put their best foot forward on social media and often try to appear more up-beat and interesting than they actually are. People don't tend to broadcast pain or weakness on social media, so if social media is your reference point, you're only going to get white-washed information.

What have you tried to make friends since 2013 that has failed?

Highly_Autistic wrote:

medications dont work, i dont know the reason of my existence. is it suffering, i dont know. i have nothing except pain but i will keep living for a few more years

In my experience, medications don't tend to be very effective if your problem is exogenous depression (depression with an external cause ie depressed about circumstances). They're better for people with endogenous depression (depression with an internal cause, ie biochemical brain issues). If you're really struggling, they might help you in the short-term if they free you from mental anguish enough to work on your goals and gain some momentum, but they're not a long-term solution.

People typically build quite elaborate facedes of their success and happiness - or simply try to show pleasant sides of their lifes and hide their failures and weaknesses. Don't let it fool you.

Do these thougths come to you more often when you are alone or when with other people? Any patterns? I get like that in partial shutdown state, it's quite depression-like only the meds don't work. For me it gets better after I rest alone and then go for a walk in the woods.

"life" is not "for" many people

Doesn't mean that they all commit suicide

I will probably take exception to the last sentence. I think there are things you can do to relieve your pain and suffering.

Stress is the cause of many of our problems. Stress is cumulative in nature. It builds up in your body and needs to be vented otherwise it can produce distress. You are living in a world of suffering and pain. You are questioning your very existence. You are in a state of trauma.

Stress is chemical in nature. It is hormone chains that are released in your body. They flood your body, your muscles and nervous system. Unless these are vented in a socially acceptable manner, they are stored and cause your body/mind significant damage over time.

So the next question is how do you vent these stored chemical chains. You brain is a composite of different elements, like an onion. There is your core brain, which is like the brain of a child. Then the next level out is your middle brain which has been equated to a fight or flight response. This affects your limbs. And then there is your outer brain, your social brain. So all these regions need venting.

In general, you can vent your core brain through a very specific form of exercise that activates your shivering mechanism in your body. This form of exercise is described in detail (with photographs) in a book called "The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process" by David Berceli. The process can take 15 minutes and can be repeated daily.

The middle layer of your brain can be vented by another form of exercise called maximal exercise. This is exercise where the intensity or individual’s maximal oxygen uptake (percentage of VO2max) is 100% or greater. Examples are sprints and power exercises. This is very, very intense exercise that is very short (6 second burst) with 30 second recoveries in between. Think of it as 10 burst of very short vents for each limb. So the total length of this type of exercise is fairly short. But understand that you have 5 limbs (your two legs, two arms and your neck). Each must be vented.

Once you have vented the stress energy from the core and from middle, you then can use clear logic to resolve the root cause of the stress in your social brain.

I say find something you like and follow that, music is my favorite thing in the world so I am currently following that. It gives hope for the future

I do not live like a boss. I am severly withdrawn and pretty much nonverbal. But I like gaming and watching tv and movies, reading and going for walks.