I'm Tired of Feeling Envious of Everyone

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lucgn01
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08 Jul 2019, 9:59 pm

I hate feeling so envious of what everyone else has. Everyone always seems so happy all the time, and I just wish that I knew what it was that made them so satisfied with their lives. I feel like a total jerk for complaining, especially because my life could be so much worse, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing something in my life. I have no real ambitions or plans for the future. I have no friends and I've never been in a relationship with a girl. Am I a bad person for wanting to have those things? Should I just practice gratitude more? I feel like, if I take the idea of non-attachment to its logical extreme, then I'll never do anything at all. Can someone please help me?

Mona Pereth
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09 Jul 2019, 12:37 am

First, if you suspect ASD, are you able to pursue a possible diagnosis?

As for lack of ambitions/plans: What kinds of things do you enjoy, and what kinds of things are you good at? How have you done academically in various subjects? Are there any other skills or talents you've been able to develop?

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smudge
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09 Jul 2019, 2:29 am

lucgn01 wrote:

That's because most people hide their issues and don't complain. I think we as autistics take it very literally when someone says that they are fine. It took me so long to understand this.

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magz
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09 Jul 2019, 6:22 am

smudge wrote:

That's because most people hide their issues and don't complain. I think we as autistics take it very literally when someone says that they are fine. It took me so long to understand this.

This.

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shortfatbalduglyman
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09 Jul 2019, 8:45 am

lucgn01 wrote:

I hate feeling so envious of what everyone else has.

Jealousy is not tabboo

But jealousy is out of proportion

Please waste less time and energy worrying about someone else and think about yourself more

Everyone always seems so happy all the time, and I just wish that I knew what it was that made them so satisfied with their lives.

Not "everyone"

Not "all the time"

I feel like a total jerk for complaining, especially because my life could be so much worse, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing something in my life. I have no real ambitions or plans for the future.

If you want, you can set goals

I have no friends and I've never been in a relationship with a girl.

If you want you can look for friends or a date

But some people are biased against unusual things

They could reject you for reasons that are not your fault

All things being equal, having friends and a date are better than nothing

But not all things are equal

Usually friends are not worth the energy it takes to interact with them

But you choose

Am I a bad person for wanting to have those things?

There is no such thing as a "bad" or "good" person

Unreasonable, yes

Not "bad"

Should I just practice gratitude more?

Gratitude is better than nothing, but gratitude only goes so far

I feel like, if I take the idea of non-attachment to its logical extreme, then I'll never do anything at all.

Correct

But what is wrong with doing nothing?

Can someone please help me?

BTDT
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09 Jul 2019, 8:50 am

Yes, people don't complain because if they did, they would be stereotyped as "Debbie Downers" and have no friends. Normal people need friends more than they need to tell the truth.

shortfatbalduglyman
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09 Jul 2019, 8:55 am

BTDT wrote:

Yes, people don't complain because if they did, they would be stereotyped as "Debbie Downers" and have no friends. Normal people need friends more than they need to tell the truth.

Sometimes some people complain

Sometimes they have nothing to complain about and they complain

Sometimes they have something to complain about and they don't complain

Punnett square

Sarahsmith
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09 Jul 2019, 3:03 pm

I hope Im not stereotyping but doesnt California have loads of rich people? I would feel like that too, if I lived in California, or B.C., Seattle etc. I live in a place where there are a lot of poor people so we are all in the same boat. And I dont know if you are new to wrongplanet but most of the people that come on here complain about the exact same thing as you, including me.

As for not getting a date. In a year you will be able to join a dating site. If the profile you use makes you come accross as a gentleman, you will probably get a girl. I recently joined a free dating site and in two days I found two really good matches. I dont feel like bothering to persue them though, because Im not ready for any kind of commitment, but thats just me. You'll probably have more luck where you live than me.

If you're going to use a dating site you should read how to be careful on those sites. Even guys can get obducted. Meet out in public the first few times.

Joe90
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09 Jul 2019, 3:45 pm

Quote:

That's because most people hide their issues and don't complain. I think we as autistics take it very literally when someone says that they are fine. It took me so long to understand this.

But people on the spectrum here are always saying that NTs don't ever need to mask, and that they communicate their feelings all the time. But hiding one's issues and pretending to be fine is a form of masking.

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BTDT
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10 Jul 2019, 9:02 am

The difference is that when NTs do that, it costs them nothing. Some of them are even invigorated by such social interaction. Masking implies a cost.

There was an X Man scene, in which a person who normally had blue green skin was lifting weights, while appearing as a normal human. One of her unique skills was to act as a chameleon. The teacher pointed out she could lift more if she didn't use her chameleon skills and lifted while whe had blue green skin.

Or spoon theory. If you can do it without losing any spoons, it isn't masking.

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