Feel guilty because I didn't stay at social event

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Joe90
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06 Jul 2019, 5:30 pm

I feel guilty, as in unsociable, because one of our neighbours had a party in their large backyard, with live music and a cocktail bar and everything. It was pretty cool. I went in with my dad, and sat for about 45 minutes with some other neighbours we knew. Although the music was good, it was too loud, so I couldn't hear what the other people were saying, except for my dad because he was sitting closest to me. I didn't feel overwhelmed, but because I have ADHD I find it hard to sit still, and I worried people might think I'm nervous or weird. Plus I felt isolated because of my poor hearing over the loud music. So after about 45 minutes I said I had to go because my mum was cooking dinner (although she wasn't really).

It's been 4 hours and my dad is still there, and so is my brother. I always feel embarrassed about leaving social events so soon. I don't want people thinking I'm too shy or unsociable. I do like being with people, but I just couldn't hear them talking over the music. The music has stopped now but I think there are still a few people there and my dad and brother obviously are, but I feel a bit awkward going back now.

But now I feel guilty for myself for not sticking around. It makes it harder when you don't drink alcohol either. Now that it's quieter it might be more fun, but it's late and I think my dad and brother will probably be coming home soon. Part of me has an urge to mingle, but part of me shies away from social events. It's like a dilemma, or a paradox.

Should I feel depressed because of this?


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babybird
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07 Jul 2019, 8:31 am

I'm assuming you're not feeling bad anymore about this but just for in the future don't worry yourself about it.

I'm sure the party wouldn't have suffered because of your absence so you shouldn't worry either.

At least you made the effort to turn up and that's the main thing.


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kraftiekortie
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07 Jul 2019, 8:34 am

I wouldn’t feel depressed over this.



babybird
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07 Jul 2019, 8:37 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wouldn’t feel depressed over this.


Me neither but I'm thinking that she felt that people would think she's ignorant for leaving early.


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Mountain Goat
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07 Jul 2019, 8:51 am

Don't feel depressed. :) I would do the same as you have done, and so would my Mum. We make an appearance to be friendly and then leave.
My only concern is that when I find a nice lady to be my wife, I would do this at my own wedding without thinking! :oops:


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magz
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07 Jul 2019, 10:38 am

One thing I learned is never to judge feelings - so, you feel the way you feel, I can't tell you how you should feel.

That said, I noticed a lot of your post was about what you think other people would think of you. As an ex-masking Aspie, I can relate to it a lot, but also, as an ex-masking, I can tell you it's horribly unhealthy.
Do you know some people who accept you for who you are not for who you pretend to be? If you do, stick to them.


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IstominFan
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16 Jul 2019, 2:43 pm

I am not fond of being in a setting where the music is so loud you can't hear what is going on and you feel you have to shout. The noise level also makes it hard to understand someone who's talking to you, and embarrassing miscommunications can result. I think you were smart to leave.