I"m in bad shape

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Just to start with, my bad back has been acting up on me and my head has been achy since I fell down. (I lost a first draft of this too ). My jaw/teeth ache..My left eye is fuzzy .

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

i know where you're comin' from on the bad shape part. i'm near to being a wreck as well.

...Well, at least you can listen/watcfeax things defe y, at your leisure . I can't .

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

i am thankful for that. so you are in a shelter or facility right now which forbids that?

ASSP, Couldn't someone organize you a trailer, caravan or something to alleviate your situation? You'd be a bit more independent then.

...No, I:m not literally forbidden from using my - in pissant shape - lil' plhonr and writing right now and listening to Kay Kyser " I Got Spurs That Jingle Jangle Jingle " here in my minimal bunk here in this shelter - It's just basically all/the best I can do - and I have SO little !
When/if that one-shot windfall comes in, I have thought that I would spend it on setting up some decent home situation for me - But, it will be SOOO expensive, I anticipate, just to find an area - San Francisco, where I am now, isn't viable - as ND find a place there and set it up and move those things I have in storage in Santa Cruz there - from my current position it would be SO MUCH of a climb - Especially given both my handicapped-ness:( and that I can't drive, I haven't for many many years & have no liscenve...so trying to set up a caravan - trailer/mobile home - situation is, now, not - If I could.put my head together with someone who could advise me re: this perhaps it could help that.

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...As I said, my teeth are throbbing in my head and my kidneys are apparently causing itching in my head. I'm worried about falling down again too . And I seem to be walking even more slowly.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

can you go to the ER?

...Admittedly, I go to the ER a ridiculous number of times already, more than I talk about here...and am often admitted, again more than I now say here.
I just went (but was not admitted) yesterday, I think it was, partly over thesr things + I am mentally preparing myself to, when that windfall comes, go to (longer term...I'd probably go to Santa Cruz at least temporarily first, due to my stuff in storage there and the eye doctor and my ability to get mail there...where, longer-term? To try and set up a place? Santa Cruz+Hollister? Oakland/the East Bay? Eureka, Ca (as suggested here)? Somewhere in the NW?
A part of me wants to withdraw/ cocoon/set up a place, thinking this might be my last windfall ever. Then agAin I think " be more dating " but then again I consider my physical shape ...

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Remember those readables I have in storage, I'd have to somehow move them - and find a decent bed, chair, etc. (and more) somewhat handicapped-suitable to live in and be comfortable -.& move somehow!

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Life just spit in my face again as it will tend to.do no matter what . I lost a draft to this , I don't feel like writing it again. Sometimes I think the rapist back in 1976 was really supposed to have killed me, as he said then he was going to do .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

(((ASS-P)))

...I just cough - with the COPF/fluid in my lungs - SO f'in much . People at this shelter cislike me for it, and I:m.sure it is annoying . I get asked if I used to be a smoker ; I never smoked tobacco.in my whole life!
I am.SO often having to deal with pain in my back . Seats SO frequently give my back/spine not the right support,.and hurt .
I really do have weak eyes, mostly . That eye doctor I saw in Santa Cruz always was saying he might say I should get an eye operation (at s hospital in fairly far-awsy San Jose), for floaters in my left eye , but never did call for one.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!