Umm.

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Am I allowed to be feeling a bit down? Can't speak about things though, sorry.

But things that are out of my hands.... I drift through life...

Yes you're allowed to be down on here - that's why this forum exists. Even if you can't really define or elaborate on it we hope you feel better soon. We all encounter these phases.

Change the things you have control over and can change for the better. Other things we have to accept and bear if our actions can't stop them.

Do you not find it helpful to feel depressed or melancholy at times? They are often the sanest responses to life.

Thank you both for the replies.

I can't change things myself as circumstances are out of my direct control. Yes, when change happens, I will be happy... Or at least I will not be stagnating. It is because at the moment I am in a no way forward situation that I believe I have been struggling the last few years.


I don't like being depressed. I have had times of going in and out of depression as anyone else has. But I don't want to tell doctors that as they would assume I am depressed! Haha. Well, everyone gets depressed at times!

What does that other word mean?

I mean melancholy. What is it?

Melancholy is often described as profound sadness without an immediate or obvious cause.

Feel better soon love

No need to be sorry. A lot of people can't speak about their feelings and emotional responses while they are actually feeling them. It may help to think about them after the fact, when it is easier. Often times journaling about situations like these after the fact is helpful.

Thanks Daniel W. You are very knowledgeable.

Thanks Teach 51. I am perking up a bit now.

I get stages of feeling down because I so much want certain things to happen but they are outside of my control.

In the past I used to just sit there on the windowsil of my bedroom wanting to have a girlfriend. I did this for years but I was too petrified to date incase I messed things up. But I used to sit there before I messed up my first date. I was about 34 or thereabouts when I had my first girlfriend... Maybe 36? She asked me out... Long story. I believe she was narcistic?

Anyway... I can't date really, as I am not in a position to date without other things happening. The other things I have been waiting for for over a decade. I tried to date but it wasn't the right time so I ended it.

But waiting and waiting and waiting...

Sorry to hear your predicament. I hope you feel better soon.
I think that depressions happen to most people and people with ASD I think are more prone
to suffering them because of the many unavoidable issues,
such as:

low social status
underemployment or unemployment which causes low income
little access to capital to facilitate change or even provide for simple luxuries that a fair amount of people take for granted
social isolation
intimate relationships problems
high levels of anxiety etc.

I have read a fair amount on anxiety, and depression. Apparently, exposure to high levels of stress hormones
over a prolonged time can cause depression and if exposed for long enough, will result in damage to the parts of the brain that regulate stress hormones, which in turn causes the depression to continue and in some cases high levels of anxiety and in some cases anxiety disorders.

SSRI's can help to a greater extent by addressing any chemical imbalance.
however pharmaceuticals do not address neurological dysfunction that causes the initial exposure to stress.

There is some evidence however that some forms of therapy can help us to some extent.
If we are able to teach ourselves to meditate for example, when we are feeling bad.
or learn to distract ourselves from our thoughts in other ways that aren't detrimental to our own health.
Then that is perhaps something to consider.

I also think that learning to do simple exercises each day, that can help us think more positively, this can help.
One simple exercise is the count your blessings exercise, if you do this everyday and contemplate how things are good
for you, even though they are presently challenging
then this simple exercise can be useful in helping you to keep a perspective on your own existence in relation to
the rest of the universe, rather than getting caught up in the extremely obsessively competitive world of extreme capitalism and their various market leaders (including entertainment industry etc.)>

For example
If we compare our lives to the super wealthy, rich and famous, privileged super stars, then it will be easy to get upset.
However, in context, over half of the world lives on less than $2 per day, well bellow the poverty threshold.
So life must be a lot worse for such people. in fact, many of us with ASD, if we were born in such countries, i doubt
we would survive. As super poor people living in such poor countries simply cant afford to keep kids who will never bring in an income.

I am afraid that is how bad it is for some, so, even though we may not have it super great like the super stars, at least we are better off than many. And we have some capacity for our lives to change. At least to a certain extent.
So could be worse...
Hope that helps. I hope i am not being patronising.

I feel this too... it's a delicate balance. I know I shouldn't dwell on melancholy and sadness, but I know how bad it is to run from them too...

I would call it a pensive, almost detached yet lingering, persistent, form of sadness.

And I hope you feel better soon, I'm struggling at the moment too, despite having, in many ways, what most would see as an "enviable life".

Things outside our control... it's difficult for everyone, but the anxiety they can trigger in people like us can be both devastating and paralysing sometimes...

I feel that the term "melancholy" indicates a deeper-seated sadness than most sadnesses.

Anyway, Mountain Goat, I'm glad you feel there is a glimmer of hope.

Are you doing anything with your trains today?

Thanks all... Trains... Well. I wrapped two small parcells of train things to send to new owners. I am scaling down as I don't use my 00 gauge trains since I have found a love for 7mm nareow gauge trains... So I am slowly selling 00 trains which will be money to keep my car going.
I used to collect everything to do with trains and was very possessive about all I had in my hobbies, but these days I am only possessive about the core elements about my two hobbies, and the rest I am slowly parting with. That way I can expand in the areas I love and let go of the things that take up space but are likely to deteriate if I don't sell them as I am less likely to use them.
It is difficult for me to let things go, but if I do get excess of cash, I invest in tools to make the lovely 7mm narrow gauge items. Tools like my Unimat lathe type gadgets which convert to make other tools like a miller or a sander or a little table jugsaw etc... I want to expand by buying acvessories to do more, but the lityle machines are not cheap and neither are the accessories. But car has to come first. I love Mitsi! Reminds me. I need to put her in the barn.

Who is Mitsi?

My car. Mitsi the Mitsubishi.