Wanting to leave husband...

Post Reply New Topic

My husband in the past had so many red flags of a medical prescription abuser... Often complaining of pain and seeking out dulodid, etc, they don't prescribe him pain meds anymore, or me either, and other meds I've noted possible abuse of are benzos and muscle relaxers...

Anyway a week ago he developed a huge bruise on his lower belly and claimed his pancreatitis came back... He went to the hospital more than once where they claimed it was just a regular bruise, and it was in the wrong spot for pancreatitis.... Then at home my husband asks me "where is my pancreas?" I showed him. A couple hours later he reappears with fresh red marks in the spot I showed him and asks "is there a bruise there now?" Yeah, I think he totally hurt himself...

I recently legitimently twisted a muscle and they gave me muscle relaxers... He said "ouch, my shoulder hurts, can I have some of your pills?" I said "no" then when we went to bed, he started moving and kicking "ouch, my shoulder hurts so much, poor Angie won't sleep tonight if my shoulder don't quit hurting..." he did eventually fall asleep but I'm not happy, I just wanna leave him!! !

Nope. Not a pleasant situation. I’m so sorry you are enduring this.

At least you’re being firm with him. I know that’s difficult. He seems like he is irritatingly manipulative. I’d have to be there personally to tell if he is actually an addict. He certainly acts like one.

Does he have any hobbies or interests?

I wonder if couples therapy would be good for the both of you.

You guys have other problems too, right? Divorce really might be a good idea at this point or, if you're hesitant about that for some reason, couple therapy. But judging from what you've told about your situation previously, I'd recommend a divorce.

Then when I got upset about it this morning he said "I was joking, I didn't do anything wrong! Can't you tell when I'm not serious?"

Tell him to be "serious" sometimes. He seems to be doing a lot of joking lately....

And also, when I mention jobs where I have to move... He's now saying either "I want to move with you" or " no! You can't have that job, it's too far away from me!"

I think it’s time to tell him to either put up or shut up. If he doesn’t like it, show him the door and tell him to never darken it again.

I dated a man who was an alcoholic and he developed pancreatitis. I remember it all too well when you share this story. In his case he needed a shunt into his pancreas and had to be fed by a tube into his bloodstream. He developed an addiction to prescription opiates (morphine) for pain, as well as other narcotics and sleep aids. He began to be verbally abusive and he lied all the time. Wow this brings back a lot of memories and I can certainly relate. If you think he has an addiction please bring this to the attention of his doctors. That's a heavy burden for you to carry.

I agree with Isabella.

People with addictions are almost always good people----but they do really bad things to get the drug they want.

I can attest that he was almost "evil" by the end. It was horrible trying to get out of the relationship even though he had come out as gay, and we weren't married or anything. He was very manipulative and controlling, and he would say anything to get his meds. I'm not implying that all addicts are like this, but the words "pancreatitis" and "addiction" really struck a chord. Hang in there, Angnix.

People with addictions bring other people down with them. Especially their close friends and spouses.

Try to avoid those sorts of people like the Plague.

Sounds like your husband has a drug problem. He needs to seek treatment now. Since you say this is a ongoing problem and has always been an issue, I am assuming he has never gotten treated for it so leaving him is an option. There is a reason why drug addicts have a very bad name and why they are not treated so well and why they are often turned down for support.

One of the best things my husband did for me was say he would call the emergency line when I threatened self harm. I cleaned up my behavior. If not, he was welcome to call and somebody else would clean it up.

Lots online about self-harm and opioid addiction. I am so sorry for this situation. Leaving or not has many factors. In either case, make sure to take care of you!! !! I can't imagine he's meeting your needs (much) when he's not taking care of himself...

Please don't divorce, here is wisdom from G.K. Chesterton:

"The principle is this: that in everything worth having, even in every pleasure, there is a point of pain or tedium that must be survived, so that the pleasure may revive and endure. The joy of battle comes after the first fear of death; the joy of reading Virgil comes after the bore of learning him; the glow of the sea-bather comes after the icy shock of the sea bath; and the success of the marriage comes after the failure of the honeymoon. All human vows, laws, and contracts are so many ways of surviving with success this breaking point, this instant of potential surrender.

In everything on this earth that is worth doing, there is a stage when no one would do it, except for necessity or honor. It is then that the Institution upholds a man and helps him on to the firmer ground ahead. Whether this solid fact of human nature is sufficient to justify the sublime dedication of Christian marriage is quite an other matter, it is amply sufficient to justify the general human feeling of marriage as a fixed thing, dissolution of which is a fault or, at least, an ignominy. The essential element is not so much duration as security. Two people must be tied together in order to do themselves justice; for twenty minutes at a dance, or for twenty years in a marriage In both cases the point is, that if a man is bored in the first five minutes he must go on and force himself to be happy. Coercion is a kind of encouragement; and anarchy (or what some call liberty) is essentially oppressive, because it is essentially discouraging. If we all floated in the air like bubbles, free to drift anywhere at any instant, the practical result would be that no one would have the courage to begin a conversation. It would be so embarrassing to start a sentence in a friendly whisper, and then have to shout the last half of it because the other party was floating away into the free and formless ether. The two must hold each other to do justice to each other. If Americans can be divorced for "incompatibility of temper" I cannot conceive why they are not all divorced. I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.

-- What's Wrong with the World


Your husband has issues, but so will every other husband.

So when will it be her husband's turn to face that pain?

Maybe she could put the idea of divorce on hold and move away without keeping contact to her husband until he's gotten rid of his issues, at least the ones that harm her.

Oh and if a man and a woman are automatically incompatible, then wouldn't it be better if everyone was homosexual?

Angnix: I suggest you forget what's best for him for a sec and focus on what you need in order to be safe and happy. If he's in the way of those things, then having him out of your life is a very good option.

This, this, this, this, this!
Don't get stuck in codependency.