Identity Crisis

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I don't have a diagnosis. No doctors could diagnose me with anything or identify why I'm this way. I don't relate to autistic people and I don't relate to people with mental illness. I don't fit any diagnostic criteria, any community that can wrap me up.

I experienced "symptoms" that cannot be explained by any condition. Too social for Autism, too focused for ADHD, too realistic for psychotic conditions. At least half of the diagnostic manual probably been brought up, and they were no explanation. And I didn't know that. I would be pretty much devastated if I did.

I thought I was autistic and actually over-identified with autism (due to my/other peoples personal misconceptions about autism). And I recently ended up learning I wasn't.

I ended up having an identity crisis, and realized also changed myself too much because my personality was too much revolved about autism.

PS: I'm not sad or anything but I wanted to let these all out.

How did you learn this? Did you see a specialist in adolescent/adult ASD? Or were you told this by a doctor or psychotherapist who does not specialize in ASD? Many doctors and psychotherapists do not know much about ASD and/or have out-of-date ideas.

Women and girls with ASD tend to be more "social" than men and boys with ASD and have often been under-diagnosed for that reason.

Lots and lots of articles about this issue can be found on the web. See, for example:

- https://www.npr.org/sections/health-sho ... m-in-girls
- https://www.theguardian.com/society/201 ... ender-bias
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325574.php
- https://www.bbc.com/news/health-37221030

People have told me that they can't tell I'm autistic despite having been diagnosed as having Asperger's since I was a child. What symptoms do you speak of? Specific constellations of behaviors and relations to the outside world are becoming more important to me than their reductions to single labels.

I guess if you look at DSM for your identity, then you likely feel "something wrong" in yourself.
Have you heard of masking "female-type" Asperger's?
I read you are exceptionally intelligent. Maybe you could relate to my experience: employing intelligence, pattern recognition and self control to behave "normally" and feeling all the time something was wrong, with sudden collapses of mental health every now and then. Then, when the topic of autism spectrum was brought up, I couldn't tell if it was really me or just my performance based on another learned pattern.

A few years later, still without an official diagnosis but now I don't need it to understand my identity. Autistic terms of sensory issues, sensory overload, meltdowns in childhood, partial shutdowns in adulthood, describe my experiences much more accurately than "standard" emotions - so I use them. I started to understand my needs, how they are different and similar to "typical", and adressing them improves my mental health.

Identity is a lot about being in contact with your true needs and experiences. Masking them for decades may make it really hard to explore.

I was misdiagnosed. I have fetal brain injury instead.

My mom recently spilled the truth that I was late-term and she got C-section when she was 41.5 weeks pregnant due to the risk of meconium aspiration syndrome. It's when a fetus gets stressed due to lack of oxygen, s**ts in the womb, breaths in it and gets pneumonia. It causes brain injury in some cases, but I also acquired savant syndrome.

Basically I acquired savant syndrome by breathing in my own crap. I can recall all the random facts I've read and use it in conversations. I can read an average size book in a couple hours. I can calculate the unit price of groceries to pick the cheapest stuff. I'm also exceptionally good at math. Other than that I'm developmentally in the level of a ten year old.

Savant Syndrome is rare, and no doubt I couldn't be diagnosed.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. Based on some of the research I read, I theorized one of the causes of autism was due to trauma during the birth process.

One form of trauma stands out; that of asphyxiation. Birth asphyxia occurs when a baby doesn't receive enough oxygen before, during or just after birth. There are many reasons that birth asphyxia may occur.

Some of the causes of decreased oxygen before or during the birth process may include:
* Inadequate oxygen levels in the mother's blood due to heart or respiratory problems or lowered respirations caused by anesthesia.
* Low blood pressure in the mother.
* Inadequate relaxation of the uterus during labor that prevents oxygen circulation to the placenta.
* Early separation of the placenta from the uterus, called placental abruption.
* Compression of the umbilical cord that decreases blood flow.
* Poor placenta function that may occur with high blood pressure or in post-term pregnancies, particularly those past 42 weeks.

Perinatal asphyxia results from compromised placental or pulmonary gas exchange. This disorder can lead to hypoxia (lack of oxygen) and hypercarbia (increased carbon dioxide levels) in the blood. Severe hypoxia results in anaerobic glycolysis and lactic acid production first in the peripheral tissues (muscle and heart) and then in the brain. Ischemia (lack of sufficient blood flow to all or part of an organ) is both a cause and a result of hypoxia. Hypoxia and acidosis can depress myocardial function, leading to hypotension and ischemia. Ischemia can impair oxygen delivery, causing further compromise, as well as disrupt delivery of substrate and removal of metabolic and respiratory by-products (e.g., lactic acid, carbon dioxide).

Asphyxia can occur before, during, or after birth. Based on a review of multiple studies that have examined the temporal relationship between obstetric events and neonatal outcomes, predominantly hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy in term infants, the proportion of conditions that occurs in each time period can be estimated.

Antepartum events (occurring not long before childbirth), such as maternal hypotension or trauma, account for 4 to 20 percent of cases. Intrapartum events (occurring in the time period spanning childbirth, from the onset of labor through delivery of the placenta), such as placental abruption or umbilical cord prolapse [such as a pinched umbilical cord during delivery], are seen in 56 to 80 percent. Evidence of intrapartum disturbance (e.g., meconium-stained amniotic fluid or severe fetal heart rate abnormalities) occurs in 10 to 35 percent, usually in association with an antenatal risk factor, such as diabetes mellitus, preeclampsia, or intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR). In approximately 10 percent of cases, a postnatal insult occurs, usually caused by severe cardiopulmonary abnormalities or associated with prematurity.

Neonatal encephalopathy following perinatal asphyxia is considered an important cause of later neurodevelopmental impairment in infants born at term. A few studies suggest:
* Elevated rates of hyperactivity in children with moderate neonatal encephalopathy.
* Autism in children with moderate and severe neonatal encephalopathy.