Feel like SH could help this situation

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SH being s*lf h*rm, wasn't sure how exactly to out that in a topic title

Anyway, I accidentally left on an appliance in my house overnight that could have burned the place down and I'm considering hing ms as a reminder to check those things before I leave the house? The idea was to burn ms with the stove or the coffee maker or a heated piece of metal so I'll have a nice visible reminder on my arm or wherever to check those things before I go out.

Sure I could just leave myself a checklist or something by the door as a reminder but this seems more likely for me to see.

And don't suggest that this isn't a healthy way of going about it. I know it's unhealthy. I just think it's likely to work and has the benefit of punishing me. It's not like I'm unwilling to do this alongside some less unhealthy option.

I just want to use more of the options available to me rather than less. Since, as one of my housemates said, they "with they were surprised". And I really don't like being perceived as careless. And when it comes to preventing me from having to try and figure out which pile of charred bones was which of our cats, I want to err on the side of caution

I think it's better if you just check the appliance before you go out.

NT people do this sort of thing too. My step-daughter let the water burn completely out of a pot with boiling eggs in it. She fell asleep and we woke to smoke and a ruined pan. It's not necessarily safe, but it's a very human thing to do.

I write big notes in black sharpie and leave them where I have no choice to see them.

^^^That's a heck of a lot better than what you (the OP) intends to do.

I mean of course I could leave myself a note or put a timer on my phone or something else healthy, but doing something harmful gives me something to do right now in the short term instead of just having to wait around and dissociate until the next time I use the oven/coffee maker/whatever.
I'm more concerned with doing something immediate that I think will work in at least some capacity.

It's better not to put yourself into the SH rabbit hole.

I've known people who SH. One of them is not with us any more. Once you start, it's very difficult to stop.

Please don't go down that rabbit hole.

Leave yourself the note, instead.

Strategies I find helpful to cope with forgetfulness include lists, written reminders in conspicuous places, timers, objects placed somewhere other than their usual location, and getting into a habit of double checking things like appliances. Human beings make mistakes, don't be so hard on yourself.

I have trouble consentraiting. So what I'm getting from this is, the OP wants to self harm as a reminder for something like turning off an element?

If this is the case I think it's a dumb idea that will just lead to self harming over anything that is bothering you. Better to just do it the normal way and leave notes or reminders on your phone.

You have a smoke detector right? And a fire extinguisher? Could you get a sprinkler system installed or move somewhere with a sprinkler system? That last question seems kind of a dumb question but would help if it were possible.

Something that would seem like self harm would be to get a tattoo of a flame on your arm. Its painful. It would also be a reminder.

What about a rubberband around your wrist? You could snap it as a reminder. I also have engaged in SH in the past. It does more than just punish, the pain also triggers a reward system in the brain for natural opiates.
I stubbed my toe once, badly. It was black and blue and I kept mashing it for the pain. It's not a healthy coping mechanism and imo won't do a thing to help you remember the stove thing. It does change the way you feel.

Signs, timers, friends, roommates are all healthy ways to remember to turn off the stove.

If it's specifically needing to check when you leave the house then maybe a post-it on the door itself, near the knob or wherever you tend to look. Paper and tape works too. Could also pair it with a list on a phone of things to check on, idk. Self-harm surely isn't the only thing available. As far as punishment is concerned, rumination and negative thoughts have always been plenty of punishment for me.

There are so many better options.

If you can't remember to turn things off, you should find some electrical outlet timers. They are cheap, and essentially will power off any item you use after some amount of time. Very useful for things like cooking appliances.

If you are dead set on a physical reminder for yourself, you would be better off getting a tattoo as opposed to doing something to yourself. At least they are as safe as possible under the circumstances assuming you go to a reputable place.

I wonder if you really want to harm yourself as an expression of your frustration, and might be using the excuse of teaching yourself something as a justification. I believe that we as people are constantly training ourselves and people around us on how to treat us. If you harm yourself in punishment, all you will do is train yourself to believe that you are worthy of punishment.

If anything, I would say do the opposite. When you make a mistake, think of a practical solution to the problem, and then spend a moment or two to find something positive to say about yourself. If you do this every time, you will have a lot of good practical solutions and feel better about yourself.

The problem is remembering to do that.

Any suggestions on better ways to remind oneself of stuff like this, keeping in mind that some of us have huge difficulty with executive functioning? Notes might not be sufficient for some people, who might forget to look at the notes.

I agree that it is best to avoid self-harm, where possible.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 12 Sep 2019, 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Keep masking tape and a marker, near the cooker, ideally with the roll balancing on one of the knobs, (when you turn on the cooker you have to move the tape to operate the cooker type of place), write "check cooker" on the outside of the roll, stick it from the front door to its surround on the side it opens on.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masking_tape

That usually catches my attention.

Also I have worn the tape as a bracelet type of thing in the house as a way to remind me to use it, especially when my executive functioning needs support.

Also if it comes to it, I second wearing a rubber band and pinging it.

Really like The Others suggestions as a long term approach, solutions and then finding positives about yourself.

Last edited by Amity on 12 Sep 2019, 10:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

@roronoa79: Are you more interested in harming yourself or in reminding yourself?