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Highly_Autistic
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08 Oct 2019, 4:05 pm

Its annoying. Yesterday someone stared at me (like they pity me) and 2 other people looked at me weird. Im tired of having this problem. Its probably because of ugliness or autistic vibe that i give. What exactly causes this? Im drawing negative attention without knowing.



kraftiekortie
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08 Oct 2019, 4:16 pm

Whenever somebody tells me they're "ugly," I usually ask that person to send a picture of themselves (not to me, to WP).

In the vast, vast majority of cases, it turns out that the person is not "ugly" at all.



Raphael F
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09 Oct 2019, 6:10 am

Two thoughts;

(1) I don't always manage to do this, but when somebody is staring at me, it can be quite effective to smile at them. They're likely to look away hastily, or else sheepishly smile back, so then at least they're smiling at me instead of staring at me, which is an improvement of sorts.

(2) Fully agree there is (or can be) an autistic vibe that people pick up on. NTs are instinctively hostile to the unusual; they can't help it, it's just the way they were born, same as we were born Neurodivergent and we can't be blamed for that. However, quite often the autistic vibe is a charismatic or intriguing one, rather than a repellent one: they may be staring because they're just interested, not because they're actually reacting negatively. It's still rude of them, of course, but you don't have to be on the autism spectrum to suffer rudeness in everyday life!


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lvpin
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09 Oct 2019, 6:28 am

I get looked at weirdly but I can be pretty sure that's because I wear bruise make up to calm me down, sunglasses because of the light and huge sound cancelling headphones. When that's not the case, it's probably because my resting face is terrified and I have been told I look very uncomfortable. In those cases it's them looking sorry for me and I tend to smile back. In general people tend to baby me and protect me.

As for my sister... Whatever she is giving out is causing her to constantly be met with aggression through both looks and words. To make things worse, she is and looks 12. We've given her a badge asking people to be patient because of her autism because while adults may be perfectly fine being mean to a child, when there is a label explaining why said child is a little strange, they can feel guilty if they act the same way.



Raphael F
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09 Oct 2019, 6:49 am

lvpin wrote:
resting face is terrified and I have been told I look very uncomfortable.

Yeah, forgot that one! Apparently my resting face is so terrified it can come across as psychopathic fury. In supermarkets, which are terrifying for all kinds of A.S.D. reasons I needn't bore anyone with here, I try to remember to plaster an idiot grin on my face as though I were an elderly vicar or something. Sometimes people even smile back!


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lvpin
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09 Oct 2019, 9:49 am

Raphael F wrote:
lvpin wrote:
resting face is terrified and I have been told I look very uncomfortable.

Yeah, forgot that one! Apparently my resting face is so terrified it can come across as psychopathic fury. In supermarkets, which are terrifying for all kinds of A.S.D. reasons I needn't bore anyone with here, I try to remember to plaster an idiot grin on my face as though I were an elderly vicar or something. Sometimes people even smile back!


I agree, supermarkets are indeed that. I wish I had the additional energy but I'm often just trying to get out as fast as possible without having a meltdown or panic attack in public because that sucks.



EzraS
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09 Oct 2019, 10:26 am

I don't like it but I am really used to it by now. And also I don't look at others much, so I don't know if they are looking at me or not a lot of the time. I pretty much tune them out and look at my phone a lot.



kraftiekortie
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09 Oct 2019, 10:39 am

It's partially my fault.

People will wonder why anybody would want to howl like a wolf in the subway.

They are curious---so they stare.



Highly_Autistic
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09 Oct 2019, 11:21 am

Sometimes i want to shout: whats wrong with me

But i cant ask anything to strangers im too shy



Raphael F
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09 Oct 2019, 11:38 am

Highly_Autistic wrote:
Sometimes I want to shout: what's wrong with me?!

There is a possibility this would increase the number of unwanted stares...

But that is a consciously flippant remark on my part. I do recognize the pain (not to mention the pure annoyance) behind the question.


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Raphael F
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09 Oct 2019, 11:44 am

lvpin wrote:
Raphael F wrote:
In supermarkets, which are terrifying for all kinds of A.S.D. reasons...
I agree, supermarkets are indeed that. I wish I had the additional energy but I'm often just trying to get out as fast as possible without having a meltdown or panic attack in public because that sucks.
Here is an excerpt from something I wrote a few years ago on the subject of supermarkets:
All the fluorescent lamps and the displays, the endless rows of shelves, and the other shoppers, can become a bit much, don’t you find? Sooner or later, usually, my trolley stalls and I grind to a halt, the bright labels and the bright lights spinning, and for an infinite second or two I fear I’m about to wet myself. You know the feeling? Is this why so many people pack their bags willy-nilly at the checkout, with no semblance of method, as if they didn’t care about squashing the squashable things with hard heavy things, nor about keeping the cold things cold by putting them with other cold things? Are they simply in a hurry to get outside before their bladders let go? I couldn’t blame them for that. I try to load the conveyor belt so that the things come down in a sequence sensible for bag-packing. Sometimes a rogue cashier picks them up in an unnatural order and capsizes my whole process; then I end up leaving things behind, in my own haste to get outside. That’s even less sensible than packing the baked beans on top of the tortilla chips, isn’t it? I mean, broken tortilla chips would still taste better than tortilla chips you’ve paid for but left behind.


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Joe90
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10 Oct 2019, 3:34 am

Highly_Autistic wrote:
Its annoying. Yesterday someone stared at me (like they pity me) and 2 other people looked at me weird. Im tired of having this problem. Its probably because of ugliness or autistic vibe that i give. What exactly causes this? Im drawing negative attention without knowing.


Do you have social anxiety? If you do, it's best not to post about being stared at on autism sites like this one because you'll get a bunch of answers that will make you feel worse, like "as an Aspie you're probably flapping your hands or wringing your hands even if you think you are not" or "you probably think you have a high sense of fashion but really you dress like a doofus" or (the most annoying one of all) "you probably give off shy/nervous body language that causes people to think you are a murderer". The way I see it, the more an Aspie is aware of themselves and others the more they're probably good at masking and blending in. But some people (AS or NT) on autism sites seem to think that we are all like Rain Man or Mr Bean or something.


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Lely
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10 Oct 2019, 7:43 am

There are many ugly people walking in the streets. Do you stare at them? If the sight of you produces such negative feelings in someone then it's unlikely that they willingly look at you for longer than necessary. More likely they'd turn away and wipe you from their memory.
Either you are imagining it or they find something about you unusual, be it good or bad. People also give me unkind glances but it can be caused by sth entirely different than in your case. If they don't insult or attack you then just forget about them.
Once when I was 16 I sat in a park during lunch break and when an elderly stared at me for too long I actually did shout: why are you staring at me? (I must have had a bad day) Fortunately he remained friendly.



JD12345
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10 Oct 2019, 11:58 am

Raphael F wrote:
Two thoughts;

(1) I don't always manage to do this, but when somebody is staring at me, it can be quite effective to smile at them. They're likely to look away hastily, or else sheepishly smile back, so then at least they're smiling at me instead of staring at me, which is an improvement of sorts.


I tend to nod rather than smile. My smile is quite obviously fake and forced for the most part.



Joe90
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10 Oct 2019, 12:06 pm

I don't stare at "ugly" people nor do I stare at really attractive people. If I do see a cute guy I usually look at him from an angle, in a casual way so not to intimidate him, and if he does look then I smile. Otherwise I refrain from even making eye contact with passing strangers in the street. But I have strong periphery vision so I can still see if someone is staring - which is even more unsettling when you know you're looking ahead and not at them. Sometimes I let guys off the hook if they stare because it might mean they think I'm attractive, but if a woman stares I think she is judging me. I've learnt I'm not very attractive in women's eyes but I can be attractive in men's eyes.


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