Feeling depressed for a few days

Post Reply New Topic

With me depression is like the common cold; I don't often get it but then it comes and hits me and I suffer for a few days. Usually this type is a self-loathing depression and I start beating myself up inside and I'm very emotional.

I have always beaten myself up about having AS, and I just cannot bring myself to accept it properly. I'm the only one out of my cousins who has it and I feel like this shouldn't be. Both my parents are neurotypicals. My uncle's ex-wife has a nephew with AS (I'm not related to them), but my uncle's children are both neurotypicals even though they have an Aspie cousin on each side of their family. My dad's side of the family doesn't seem to have any trace of ASD as far as I know. Why do I have it?

Also I've had a small argument with my boyfriend, which has brought on my tears. Because of my ADHD I get restless and can't focus on quiet tasks for very long, while he can sit for hours watching boring stuff on the TV. I was drawing quietly while he was watching a superhero film he's seen many times before, but I began getting restless and I said something which made my boyfriend say "sshh!" whilst gazing at the screen. I hate people going "sshh" to me, it always makes me cringe for some reason, but I stupidly had to say, "you've seen this movie loads of times", and he went "sshh" again. It was clear that he wanted me quiet until the movie finished, but I just couldn't sit still and be quiet for that long, so I said I was going to bed. I suppose it wasn't an argument as such but it could have been if I flew up and made a fuss. But I didn't, because I know better than that. So I left him to watch his film.
My attention span is terrible.

Sorry about starting another miserable thread, it's just the way I deal with a problem.

Please don't apologise for making a thread about how you feel - we are your tribe.

And as for the 'shhh' thing - oh I get my knickers in a twist at this.

If someone puts a hand up to my face or a finger to stop me talking - I want to bite it off.

You are such a valuable member here and well loved too.

We may not converse on here much but I do read a lot of your threads.

Today I just want to give you a rather large dragon hug.

There will be plenty of others who relate with your depression. Including me.

Thank you for your kind words.

With me depression feels like I have stumbled into a big, empty, foggy, lonely field and can't break out of the isolating self-loathing until I find my way out. The antidepressants that I'm on do usually keep me away from this place, but sometimes depression gets the better of me and sends me to this place and I can't always find my way out. Often a social faux pas sends me to this place, though it depends how "Aspie" the social faux pas is. If it's too Aspie then I wallow in self-pity for a while.

The 'shh' thing is one of the few ways to get me really upset fast. This coming from a librarian.

Feel better. Take care of yourself. You are a unique person and we like you just as you are.

I rather be told to shut up, even though it's ruder. I don't know why by since I was a kid I've always found 'shh' cringing, unless somebody is joking. I even cringe when someone else is being ssh'd.

So it's the sound of "Shh!" itself that bothers you, rather than simply being asked to be quiet? If so, do you think it would be a good idea to ask your BF to say something else, like "quiet please," when he wants/needs quiet? (Or have you already done so?)

Well I don't like being told to be quiet to be honest, but I can handle it more when I'm told to be quiet in alternative ways to 'ssh'. Sometimes my boyfriend says, "let me listen", which I prefer.
I feel embarrassed to tell him that I dislike 'ssh', because he's probably not met anyone else who gets bothered by such a common thing people say. I never say 'ssh' ever. If someone is talking while I want to hear something else, I say "hang on" quickly and show in my facial expression that I'm trying to listen for something. Some people do this instead of 'ssh'.
But I suppose I should tell him the next time he says sshh. Sometimes it's best just to be open and honest. Sometimes when we're talking in bed, he'll somehow hear people going by outside and tell me to ssh so he can listen to them. I feel like saying, "it's a street, love - a few thousand people live in this city, so there's bound to be some noises outside even if it is nighttime". And it's always while it's my turn to talk.

Re the social faux pas, was this a factor in your depression this week?