Overwhelm

Post Reply New Topic

This is my first actual post on Wrong Planet following my self-introduction about a month ago. Well, here goes. I had a total meltdown today, and I feel like it's my own fault for over-booking myself. I should know better by now. I'm 40. I can only do one "big" task per day. Today, first, I went to the dentist for a regular cleaning, and the hygienist accidentally dropped my x-ray bitewing on the floor. Then, she picked it up and put it in my mouth. I said nothing. I was disgusted with myself in that moment for not speaking up, but I really don't speak much in public; I tend to say the bare minimum in stressful situations. It's how I manage. It sort of works, but this time it left me feeling terribly humiliated. After that, I went home and had to immediately interact with local police officers regarding a neighbor who has been illegally dumping on our block. That was a surprise, and it was incredibly stressful for me. I became overly verbal suddenly and even raised my voice at the officer for a second. He didn't seem to notice, but I felt badly about it. Then, it was time for me to go to work. I was putting on my shoes when it happened: I had a meltdown. I didn't even try to self-soothe. I know better; I was being obstinate with myself. It prolonged the whole thing. I ended up going to work, but I felt anxious that it was somehow obvious that I was overwhelmed. I feel like I never quite know how to do my hair professionally or wear the right clothes to fit in as a professional, and my internal state today didn't help my perception of being less-than. I can't call in sick at work for "overwhelm." I choose not to disclose my ASD, so any absenteeism for such a reason will not be met with understanding. It would even lead to a reduction in my hours as a penalty.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to handle life's curveballs without melting down. Probably not. Maybe it's best I learn to accept that about myself. I feel sore and exhausted every time it happens, and I'm hard on myself for a few days afterwards. I guess I'm hoping I'm not the only one struggling with overwhelm over "regular" hassles. They don't feel regular to me.

You are certainly not alone in struggling with things like that - especially when several stressful things happen in a short time! Sometimes meltdowns just happen and all you can do is get through it and go on with life. Don't be too hard on yourself for it.

And that dental hygienist certainly should have known better!

Yes, true, and thank you, darkwaver. Just keep moving forward. I can't predict melting down, but I can get through it and find acceptance.

I agree the hygienist should know better. She was either not feeling well, or she was in an altered state. At any rate, I'm considering a new dentist, which is too bad. I liked that place otherwise.

{{{{{{{{{Hugs milkweed_pod}}}}}}}}}

What a day you had! So sorry to hear it. You're carrying alot on your shoulders, and you're actually really inspirational, you know! I agree with darkwaver ... "Don't be too hard on yourself for it". That was alot to cope with in one day.

Thank you so much for the hugs, Juliette

Darkwaver's advice has been a sort of mantra for me the past two days. I'm glad to be here with you all.

Wow, that "hygienist" really sucks!

Don't worry about raising your voice at the policemen. He knows you weren't being aggressive towards him. I'm sure he has to deal with colourful characters all the time and people can get quite emotional when describing a crime. He knows this.