I'm worried about 2020

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No time-of-day restrictions. Supposedly only half an hour a day excercise, though the rules were so vague many people ignored that. Many people also seemed to have got the idea that excercise in the fresh air was a cure. For the first three weeks, I kept seeing great queues of joggers going both ways on the very narrow footpath behind my house. There was an even vaguer loosening of restrictions at the weekend. I haven't dared go out yet, but I expect there's plenty more idiots.

I'm doing rather well lately, although my worries still affect me greatly. I have been mostly okay during the lockdown although I wish it could end because I don't want this to last forever. I am lucky though to live in a quiet neighbourhood where there is a lack of people because it lets me go outside and enjoy the nice weather and nature. I have been doing exercise outside too, have been going out for walks and jogging myself and recently did some today across the green and into the forest. It feels better to get outside and enjoy the place and it was quiet so that was good, most of the people I have seen around my neighbourhood tend to go out for exercise or shopping mostly and the environment and nature here has been lovely and wonderful too. I am fine with things around here right now although I cannot see them lasting forever.

I have issues with worries and anxiety that have affected me greatly over the past years, which has lead to some bad panic attacks and I am currently taking medication which seems to really help me most times. I honestly never thought a global pandemic could really happen and screw up the planet but now look what has happened. It only succeeded in making my worries worse, leading to many panic attacks and me feeling like I am going to vomit at times. I became a really bloody nervous wreck in the process, and when it first came here I knew things were going to get worse and it has gotten more worse although it still seems normal and quiet around my residence. I don't mind wearing my face mask outside as it makes me feel slightly better but when I outside, like at the shops it can really test my limits and because of my worries and anxiety I have felt really nauseous before which doesn't help me. I am much better managing my time at home in my room or outside in the garden since it feels much more comfortable.

I really want things to get better, but I am unsure anymore....

I went through a couple years of bad PTSD which is what ultimately led to my diagnosis with AS. Since then I've being mostly doing pretty well but aware of my weaker and stronger points. The PTSD was due to specific events of 2004 and I was diagnosed 4 years later.

Keep doing what you're doing and focus on each day as it comes. Apart from the medication, there's a food website where you can watch songs and videos to motivate you - it's called fearlessmotivation.com.

I don't think many of us were expecting such a virus pandemic to happen - it's always just been in the movies but I guess something was likely to happen as the last similar illness event was the Flu of 1918 and there are always viruses about. We managed to lick leprosy, smallpox and polio at least, but this still needs to get licked and that will be a happy day indeed. Things will get better even when they seem very dark.

I got myself a Scream movie ghost mask and one that looks like an alien or Fri 13th mask, just for fun and to have something a bit different now and then. I still have a nice buff/bandanna for more regular use.

I haven't been here in a while, needed to update this now.

I was doing okay over the months back then, had been outside doing many activities and getting some fresh air too which helped me keep refreshed. I had a great 20th birthday where I managed to enjoy myself without any worries and get loads of amazing and wonderful presents too and I managed to start working again since my charity shop reopened in the autumn which was good as I needed to get outside again and keep myself active which can be tough in these troubled times. I had also been doing loads of drawings in my sketchbook and computer while also reading various novels and comic books too which has been good for me, but unfortunately that was back then since things then took a turn for the worse.

I have not been feeling great at all now and it has been horrible. I have had to deal with bad events happening in my life that has affected me greatly, such as having many stress/anxiety problems that has made me hurt myself (one time punching myself in the face repeatedly that it gave me a massive bruise) and to see everything go back to hell and ruin everything for me. I recently had a very bad anxiety attack which was the culmination of all the negative things that had happened in my life and it caused me to completely breakdown and start crying heavily which was not a good one, luckily my mother was there to comfort me and help me out. I now have to deal with another national lockdown which has made me very unhappy since progress was going well and now everything has gone back to the start, shutting down everything once again, including my shop so my job is over, and telling us to stay at home. I am completely fed up with everything now, my anxiety and stress is going to go through the roof, these restrictions are stupid now and while I have been abiding by them because I am a good person, I have now completely lost my patience with them and I don't care anymore.

I seriously want to disappear from this planet and stop existing for good because my life is full of negativity and garbage and I feel like my life is completely done. It would honestly be better if everything ended and I removed myself from this horrible world now. I really want things to get better and my life to return to normal soon along with me not worrying anymore, but it now feels like the end is near for me....