Cute nerdy/geeky girl at the gym

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I haven’t been to the gym for a good while and decided to go today. While I was on a elliptical, I noticed a cute nerdy/geeky looking girl two machines down from me. She looked like she was of Indian or some other South Asian or maybe even Middle Eastern descent and wore glasses.

My therapist has told me women at gyms don’t want to be approached and that I need to accept that I just can’t get a date at this point in my life but I honestly felt down that I can’t make social approaches like most men around me do since they aren’t considered “messed up” like I supposedly am. It’s like I am not allowed while some arrogant and aggressive jerk who calls women “b*****s” can.

Should I just not go to the gym anymore or just not even go out into the world anymore?

Next time, go say hi. You already know there's a common interest--working out. If she comments that you could really stand to do some particular reducing exercises, play it cool. (After all, how many guys with a great physique get that physique from advice given by beautiful women?)

Go ahead and be friendly. Your therapist probably means that women at gyms get tired of being "hit on" by guys looking to get their telephone numbers and maybe find sex, and is probably trying to keep you from being all sad about a perceived rejection. The only one who isn't allowing you to make friendly conversation with the ladies, Marknis, is your own self.

Most of the time, people enjoy hanging out with other friendly people. It doesn't matter their gender--it's a natural human thing. Give it a shot. Go see what she's up to...who knows, she might even be in the same boat as you and wish someone would spend time with her. I did that once. It was really stupid. There was a girl hanging around and everyone thought she and I had something serious going on...but I didn't notice (Thanks, Autism!) and finally after I'd been told by a few people I started hanging out. She invited me to her place to spend some wonderful hours and we're still best friends. (I know she doesn't want a boyfriend now because she's busy in school...so the friend zone is literally the best place for me to be. Maybe when both of us are done studying? Who knows what might happen. Matrimony?)

Glad you're off the Internet out improving your physique. Now nobody said you can't improve your social skills at the gym too.

You're already starting to up your game, Marknis. There will be another time and I hope you capitalize on it. Your therapist can't do it and Wrong Planet can't do it so go on out there and do it, like you're already starting to work up to, and we're all excited for you. First step to being awesome is be comfortable with the idea of your own awesomeness...it won't take you too much.

Marknis whatever you do, please DO NOT STOP going to the gym or at least working out. The transformative process and journey that the gym facilitates doesn't happen in a day Marknis, it happens over a period of time. You must trust me on this Marknis, before I entered the world of martial arts and fitness I was the most lonely, asocial, and unconfident loser in school, everyone used to hate being around me and no one would talk to me. The moment I dedicated years of my life to bettering myself through reading, learning, exercising my mind and body, working out and fitness - basically the holistic transformation of oneself that requires hard work and grit - then did people find me attractive, cool, and I began to naturally exude confidence, self pride and inner strength that made me pleasant to be around even though I still preferred solitude and quietness due to my Aspergers. I have seen this same story happen so many times with so many people that I wonder why more people don't go down this route.

Yes it is unfair that there are shallow women who prefer rude, obnoxious and jerk men who objectify them, but not all women are like that and heck I dont even believe most women are like that, just a fraction of really dumb shallow ones. My friend got married to and found his love at the gym, and like you he started out as a quiet, taciturn, shy and reclusive boy who was scrawny, unprepossessing and on the short side. As he began to work out more at the gym everyone noticed his determination, commitment, and soon all the girls were attracted to his willpower and discipline to never ever miss out on the gym and make the most out of his time. My friend lived his life by this one motto: "Better than I was yesterday, better than I was before" and made sure he used everyday as a way to improve and surpass the previous day. The woman he fell in love was he also met at the gym, and she chose him not only because of his strength that he acquired working out at the gym but for the mental discipline and mindset that working out instilled in him.

I have to emphasize that going to the gym is more than just getting strong, it is a mental exercise. Right now you're experiencing a mental block that tells you to give up before you've even started, when really given how much you've described how bad your life is if you give up on exercising and go back to to being depressed in the house lonely and miserable you'll just consign yourself to the same status quo and die having never accomplished anything but complain, when you have a golden opportunity to use your time and faculties to better yourself. This process has to be stuck with until the end and you must not give up if you want to see the fruits of your labor ripen.

BTW I, and many WP members are so proud of you for hitting the gym and making a change in your life! That is so awesome, and hopefully this journey will make you a better, happier, and more confident person who can find a girl and someone you love that makes both of you happy. Good luck

There's nothing stopping you from talking to her so if you want to, try it out. Just remember that she's not obligated to talk to you. If she's not interested, she's not interested. Accept it and move on. But if she is fine with talking to you, be mindful of what you say. Don't bring up all the negative stuff.

Your therapist doesn't know everything, bro.

The great news is - gyms were built for socializing.

I socialize in gym all the time - with women, with dudes. I just lift weights and have fun.

Next time you see her, casually ask her about her routine and say, "Oh by the way, I'm Mark, nice to meet you."

Gently offer your hand and shake hers gently.

You'll get her name and then you can carry the conversation forward from there, or casually just go back to working out.

No stress - it's all about having fun.

Also, I'd recommend bench-presses and barbel-curls along with the elliptical.

Have you ever bench-pressed before? It really builds up your pectorals (like my pecs in my pic)

Came across this video the other day. Even without this in mind, when I go to the gym I barely see people socializing, unless presumably it's a couple friends working out together.

There was a cute guy checking me out at the gym once. I didn’t mind. But if a guy came up to me and he seemed only interested in sex and not me as a person I would be mad. If you see that girl at the gym again try talking to her. You probably don’t look like a dumb jock so she won’t mind.

you gotta find a legit excuse tho. It wouldn’t be proper etiquette to just go up to a random stranger and say “hey, I’m so and so, what’s your name?”. Like it indicates in that video, she’ll know your “hungry” and be turned off by it.