Why do things never go my way?

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Things never go my way when I go out socially. It’s like I have a sign on me everyone but myself can see that tells others to avoid me. I used to think when I didn’t get to join in that it just wasn’t my “time” yet and that eventually either I would grow up to be extroverted on my own or “God’s plan” would make everything I want happen. When I turned 17 and things weren’t changing, I started to develop clinical depression and it still plagues me to this day.

If I go to a Meet Up event, I get pushed to the wayside and the few conversations I have fizzle out really fast either because the other person loses interest or think I say something wrong and move away from me. If I go to a music show, I am around others but not with them. They are smoking, drinking, and making out with their lovers, even finding places to have sex. If I go to an anime convention, it’s the same. Other goers are with friends doing things like dancing, playing video games, participating in LARPing, and even hooking up for sex. Even if I go to a gym, I am alone while others have company with them. The men are also flirting on the women and vice versa but I am invisible to the women.

When I didn’t get better soon after the depression kicked in, maybe that meant I am supposed to suffer until I die?

I don't know the answer why Marknis, but I'm thinking of you and I hope things improve. I know it's been really hard for you and you feel overwhelmed. That must be really frustrating.

Hugs and positive vibes are being sent your way.

Probably due to your lack of social skills. If you talk about things that people don't find interesting or they find difficult, they'll naturally try to find someone else to talk to. Learn to see when the topic you're talking about starts to feel off to people, and then try to switch to another topic, preferably one that you actually want to talk about. Learn to control your body language as well so that you don't look too hostile or otherwise negative.

Few general rules when it comes to conversation with people you don't know well:
- Avoid politics and religion, for these topics can start fights. Even if someone else brings it up, don't go too deep in to it.
- Ask people questions about themselves, but be careful not to pry too much. In general, if someone asks you something, it's safe to ask the same back. If you'd feel uncomfortable being asked about some subject, you shouldn't ask about it, either.
- Have a conversation, not a lecture. Make sure others get a chance to talk too. (Wish someone had flat out told this to me as a kid.)
- Avoid black humor among people you don't know well. You never know who you could be accidentally hitting in to a sore spot.
- Don't complain. If someone says you don't look too good or that you look down, you can give vague answers like you're still recovering from a cold or that your day hasn't been the best possible, but don't start a lecture of how life sucks and everyone around you is horrible and everything is unfair. You have the right to feel that way if you want to, but burdening other people with those opinions isn't a good way to make friends.

Fireblossom has some really good tips. I would add that when I was about 17 I had no social skills whatsoever, I could only talk about my special interests or I wouldn't talk at all. I really felt in the similar boat as you, alone, unable to connect with others.

What worked for me was developing a sense of humor and better conversational skills by watching a lot of sitcoms and I would practice first online through instant messaging. I found talking to others with mental illness, specifically social anxiety to be more accepting/less judgmental than people with zero issues. I'd find common interests to talk about, then meet in person. I built my social skills online first before practicing them more in person. Online you can have a little more time to think what you are going to say in instant messaging. Many people meet others through Facebook, or social media of some sort anyway. Once someone is more interested in you online, you can be more of yourself when you meet them in person. Without the internet I wouldn't have had any girlfriends/boyfriends or really any friends whatsover. I'd also add that I avoid groups of people, the fewer the better. If you are the only other person in a conversation, its a lot harder for that other person to ignore you since you are the only one to talk to.

The more you practice, the less anxiety you'll have and the easier it will be to think of things to say. Once you stop caring so much about what others think of you should find it easier to attract others as you'll be more confident in who you are. You can always practice small talk with clerks or sales people at stores, and if you mess up, no big deal. It doesn't matter at the end of the day what they think of you.

Sounds like there’s a lot more fun things to do where you live compared to where I live. I would have fun doing those things you mentioned even if I was alone. There isn’t much to do in my town. It’s boring.

Also, when we were talking in private I noticed you liked to have intellectual debates. I’m not good at that. So I didn’t respond after a while. The topics you were bringing up were also kind of depressing. My life is already so hard that I like to bury my head in the sand and think happy bunny thoughts. Probably most people are the same. If you are being too negative it will push them away. Talk about happier things.

I’ve been living on my own for years now and haven’t made any friends. Lots of people with autism are lonely. I wish neuro typical people were more understanding and accepting of us.

The "Most Interesting Man in the World" is a guy who drinks too much Dos Equis beer.

And he's a man who is either middle-aged, or elderly.

Markins you write good posts. You should start a channel on Youtube and describe how Aspergers has made your life a living nightmare. Aspergers destroys lives it makes it hard for us to make friends, form relationships or find employment. The entire world rejecting us for our condition is unfair. Having Aspergers often comes with other issues including depression, anxiety, sensory issues, weird interests, robotic voice, lack of empathy, etc.

If TMS can truly help me, it can’t come soon enough.